I think the laws of Niddah are making me lose my…
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I think the laws of Niddah are making me lose my faith..help?
I am someone who survived murder attempts in order to keep my Judaism, it simply means everything to me, I am ready to fight anything and everything for it.
For context: me (f28) and my partner of 3 years (m27) are modern-ish orthodox. We belong to an Orthodox shul. We live in Europe so we don’t have much choice when it comes to picking a community, since synagogues here are either very orthodox or very liberal.
We are getting married soon which means I started kallah classes. However, I am absolutely horrified.
I have struggled with mitzvot before, it’s not new, but this is something else.
For more context: I am in no contact with most of my family and none of my family lives even on the same continent as I do, I only have my partner in my life. I am extremely physically affectionate towards him. I have struggled with serious mental health problems due to my past and pretty much the only thing that calms me down, especially when I’m suicidal, is my partner cuddling me.
First, I cannot wrap my head around how HaShem expects me not to touch my husband during my most vulnerable moments, for sure he knows that this the time where majority of women need their partners the most! For someone like me it’s even 10 times worse!
I can’t stand when people say “it teaches couples to give love without touch!” Well, when I’m giving birth, alone without family, I don’t wanna think about ways to give love to my husband, I just want him to hold my hand!
It honestly feels so unbelievably cruel that G-d would want us to do this. My non Jewish friend asked me what they teach me in Kallah classes and I was, for the first time ever, ashamed to tell her something about the religion I fought everything and everyone for!
My partner said we can do bare minimum (no sex, sleep in different beds) if that will make me feel better and see if we can do better in the future, but I can’t shake this feeling of guilt because I know that I am doing something against G-d.
At the same time, I noticed it’s affecting my Judaism, I broke Shabbat multiple times because “ehh, whatever”, I stopped saying the brachot before eating etc. I DO NOT want to be like this.
I have a great kallah teacher btw, she’s not teaching any stringencies, just basic Halacha. I also don’t have close friends because me and my partner were moving around a lot, so it’s literally only my partner in my life.
#religion
source
I am someone who survived murder attempts in order to keep my Judaism, it simply means everything to me, I am ready to fight anything and everything for it.
For context: me (f28) and my partner of 3 years (m27) are modern-ish orthodox. We belong to an Orthodox shul. We live in Europe so we don’t have much choice when it comes to picking a community, since synagogues here are either very orthodox or very liberal.
We are getting married soon which means I started kallah classes. However, I am absolutely horrified.
I have struggled with mitzvot before, it’s not new, but this is something else.
For more context: I am in no contact with most of my family and none of my family lives even on the same continent as I do, I only have my partner in my life. I am extremely physically affectionate towards him. I have struggled with serious mental health problems due to my past and pretty much the only thing that calms me down, especially when I’m suicidal, is my partner cuddling me.
First, I cannot wrap my head around how HaShem expects me not to touch my husband during my most vulnerable moments, for sure he knows that this the time where majority of women need their partners the most! For someone like me it’s even 10 times worse!
I can’t stand when people say “it teaches couples to give love without touch!” Well, when I’m giving birth, alone without family, I don’t wanna think about ways to give love to my husband, I just want him to hold my hand!
It honestly feels so unbelievably cruel that G-d would want us to do this. My non Jewish friend asked me what they teach me in Kallah classes and I was, for the first time ever, ashamed to tell her something about the religion I fought everything and everyone for!
My partner said we can do bare minimum (no sex, sleep in different beds) if that will make me feel better and see if we can do better in the future, but I can’t shake this feeling of guilt because I know that I am doing something against G-d.
At the same time, I noticed it’s affecting my Judaism, I broke Shabbat multiple times because “ehh, whatever”, I stopped saying the brachot before eating etc. I DO NOT want to be like this.
I have a great kallah teacher btw, she’s not teaching any stringencies, just basic Halacha. I also don’t have close friends because me and my partner were moving around a lot, so it’s literally only my partner in my life.
#religion
source
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