Having a crush while identifying as aroace- in need of…
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Having a crush while identifying as aroace- in need of help!!
Hi! as i stated, i currently identify as aromantic and asexuel, I'm at least somewhere on that spectrum.
There are a few things that add layers to my identification and make me doubt it.
I know that labels aren't permanent, and i might feel like this now, and maybe I'll identify as something completely different in 5 years. I'm not searching for something final to call my sexuality, i just need to write my thoughts down to get to know myself a bit better. To know if it's worth making a move on my crush.
A bit to myself: Im 18, I'm transgender (ftm) and i have trauma that makes me dislike physical touch.
As an 18 year old i don't have a lot figured out yet in my life. There are still more things for me to realise and develop. Maybe I'm a late bloomer and will start having romantic/ sexual attraction later in life.
As someone who's transgender, i really don't feel comfortable having sex with my current body. I haven't done any operations yet, but I'm planning on doing them. Maybe the lack of sexual attraction is wired to me not feeling confident and right in my own body.
Maybe this is tmi, so feel free to skip reading this paragraph if you want. Lately, I've been having sex dreams, and in those dreams, i had a dick. It felt so good and right that it really made me doubt my identification as asexual. I probably just need the right body, and then I'll maybe be comfortable enough to enjoy sex. Who knows.
As to my trauma and how it could be related to all this, i was sexually abused as a child. That probably made me build walls around myself that prevent me from being comfortable touching anyone. I was a super touchy child, always cuddling with my parents and being physically close to people. When I became adolescent, the memory of me being abused came into my mind for the first time ever. I had completed pushed it out until then. It was like a switch was flipped, and I couldn't stand anyone touching me anymore. I completely withdrew in that department.
Now im working on it, and I can at least hug my Mama and some friends for a short period of time without hating it. Not enjoying it yet tho.
With all of that being said about me, let's start talking about the reason I'm writing this. MY CRUSH. I've had aesthetic crushes all my life, but never romantic ones. Never. This boy tho... ugh. First time I saw him was two years ago, he plays in a musical band and I was in the audience of said musical. I was entranced. He is literally the most pretty human being I have ever seen. Couldn't stop thinking about him for a year without seeing him once in that year.
Forward to the next year (last year), there's another musical performance and I'm smitten again. Now I'm wondering if this crush will ever go away and if it really is just aesthetic attraction.
This year, I joined a musical group in the same academy his band is working at. We saw each other more often and even had a few practices together. I never said anything to him, just admired him from afar.
Last July there were quite big performances for the musical group and we saw each other every day for a week to practise and then perform. He never made it seem like he was interested in me though. But I have to say that I'm very very oblivious and will only get something if you spell it out for me. On the night of the last performance there was an after party at which my extroverted friend talked to him. She came back telling me he was 15... I was shocked. He does not look 15. i was devastated and tried getting over him (couldn't do it).
Fast forward to now. My mum works at the music academy and tells me that my crush has had a mastectomy done. The operation to chopp off your breasts, a very common operation for trans guys. so turns out he's trans as well!!!! (minus points to my mum for just outing him like that.) and I'm thinking that no way has he had that operation at 15 years old. Not sure that's even legal in my country. So my mum looks his birthday up and.... he's one month older than me!!! I found this out today and I'm still sooooo happy!!!
My crush on him is stronger than ever. I have dropped out of the musical group sadly, I have travel plans that don't fit together with that. So i won't be seeing him anymore. Maybe like 1 or 2 times coincidentally. Which is devastating.
Finally, now you know everything there is to know about this and I can ask for your help.
First of all, how do I know that this is a real, romantic crush and not some strong aesthetic crush? I don't know if there is an answer to this except for trying it out. Seeing how I feel about dating him.
Second of all, how would I ask him out? I don't know if he's into boys. And worst of all, I'm probably not gonna see him again until the next performance which is next July. NEXT JULY. how will I survive.
Help!!!!
#lifestyle
source
Hi! as i stated, i currently identify as aromantic and asexuel, I'm at least somewhere on that spectrum.
There are a few things that add layers to my identification and make me doubt it.
I know that labels aren't permanent, and i might feel like this now, and maybe I'll identify as something completely different in 5 years. I'm not searching for something final to call my sexuality, i just need to write my thoughts down to get to know myself a bit better. To know if it's worth making a move on my crush.
A bit to myself: Im 18, I'm transgender (ftm) and i have trauma that makes me dislike physical touch.
As an 18 year old i don't have a lot figured out yet in my life. There are still more things for me to realise and develop. Maybe I'm a late bloomer and will start having romantic/ sexual attraction later in life.
As someone who's transgender, i really don't feel comfortable having sex with my current body. I haven't done any operations yet, but I'm planning on doing them. Maybe the lack of sexual attraction is wired to me not feeling confident and right in my own body.
Maybe this is tmi, so feel free to skip reading this paragraph if you want. Lately, I've been having sex dreams, and in those dreams, i had a dick. It felt so good and right that it really made me doubt my identification as asexual. I probably just need the right body, and then I'll maybe be comfortable enough to enjoy sex. Who knows.
As to my trauma and how it could be related to all this, i was sexually abused as a child. That probably made me build walls around myself that prevent me from being comfortable touching anyone. I was a super touchy child, always cuddling with my parents and being physically close to people. When I became adolescent, the memory of me being abused came into my mind for the first time ever. I had completed pushed it out until then. It was like a switch was flipped, and I couldn't stand anyone touching me anymore. I completely withdrew in that department.
Now im working on it, and I can at least hug my Mama and some friends for a short period of time without hating it. Not enjoying it yet tho.
With all of that being said about me, let's start talking about the reason I'm writing this. MY CRUSH. I've had aesthetic crushes all my life, but never romantic ones. Never. This boy tho... ugh. First time I saw him was two years ago, he plays in a musical band and I was in the audience of said musical. I was entranced. He is literally the most pretty human being I have ever seen. Couldn't stop thinking about him for a year without seeing him once in that year.
Forward to the next year (last year), there's another musical performance and I'm smitten again. Now I'm wondering if this crush will ever go away and if it really is just aesthetic attraction.
This year, I joined a musical group in the same academy his band is working at. We saw each other more often and even had a few practices together. I never said anything to him, just admired him from afar.
Last July there were quite big performances for the musical group and we saw each other every day for a week to practise and then perform. He never made it seem like he was interested in me though. But I have to say that I'm very very oblivious and will only get something if you spell it out for me. On the night of the last performance there was an after party at which my extroverted friend talked to him. She came back telling me he was 15... I was shocked. He does not look 15. i was devastated and tried getting over him (couldn't do it).
Fast forward to now. My mum works at the music academy and tells me that my crush has had a mastectomy done. The operation to chopp off your breasts, a very common operation for trans guys. so turns out he's trans as well!!!! (minus points to my mum for just outing him like that.) and I'm thinking that no way has he had that operation at 15 years old. Not sure that's even legal in my country. So my mum looks his birthday up and.... he's one month older than me!!! I found this out today and I'm still sooooo happy!!!
My crush on him is stronger than ever. I have dropped out of the musical group sadly, I have travel plans that don't fit together with that. So i won't be seeing him anymore. Maybe like 1 or 2 times coincidentally. Which is devastating.
Finally, now you know everything there is to know about this and I can ask for your help.
First of all, how do I know that this is a real, romantic crush and not some strong aesthetic crush? I don't know if there is an answer to this except for trying it out. Seeing how I feel about dating him.
Second of all, how would I ask him out? I don't know if he's into boys. And worst of all, I'm probably not gonna see him again until the next performance which is next July. NEXT JULY. how will I survive.
Help!!!!
#lifestyle
source
| 2,000 mlx | |
| 5 | |
| 0 |