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Our Ocean
The wind over the grass made it look like the ocean. Each blade is so closely bonded you can’t distinguish one from the next as they dance in a line. It was a private dance for me and him. The green of the field was nowhere as brilliant as the green in his eyes. We would lay for hours commenting on the clouds, pondering over the trees, or our imaginations riding the waves of foliage bringing our boat further away from the shore. It was our haven. It was our ocean. I haven’t been back since it happened, but I know the waves will be the same, too similar, so close to my memory that I'll have to look away.
Our town was the old kind with enough history to fill our local library. The only changes to historic downtown in the last 50 years was the stoplight on the corner. It amazed me and Henry almost as much as our ocean. We pressed the walk button so often that the beep was as familiar to me as the chime of the church bell in the square. As soon as the man on the screen told us to walk Henry would look at me, grab my hand, and say.
“Run” the rush we felt as the cars stopped just for us was electric. We skipped from one white rectangle to the next. In our minds, we were Moses parting the seas avoiding the pharaoh fast on our heels. On one such summer afternoon, me and Henry skipped all the way to the barbershop. Old man Stevens had owned the shop for fifty years. Now his son owned it and he took to perching outside like a gargoyle. He said it made him feel young even though a large portion of his time outside was spent sleeping. The awning over his head was older than him and was faded and cracked. Me and Henry didn’t notice our hands were still intertwined until he looked at us, his white beard slick with sweat.
“And where are you boys headed?” His voice was warm milk adding to his Santa Claus appearance. He had missed a button on his yellow corduroy jacket. The same hands that had held a sharp blade against the entire’s town head had lost their dexterity and stability.
“Well,” Henry started, always the braver between us. “We are going on an adventure.” His green eyes twinkled, and his smile was crooked. He had the kind of smile that spread even to adults and Mr. Stevens smiled back at him.
“An adventure, eh? I hope you boys are prepared. Adventures can be dangerous.” He took a sip from the iced tea that sat by his side. The ice clinked as he sipped, and droplets fell into his beard. My mother had once said the food in his beard could feed the entire town for a month.
“Oh, we know,” Henry replied, looking at me. “Me and the captain here are prepared for anything the seas could throw our way.” Henry always made me captain despite my protests. Captains were supposed to be brave and proud, and I knew what I was. My father would yell at me every night for being a Nancy boy too shy to face his own shadow. I only played sports of any kind with Henry. The rest of the time I spent my nose stuck in a book. It was Captain Nemo and Columbus that inspired us to take to the seas. If only I had read about astronauts instead. Me and Henry could’ve wandered the barren plains and made up martians. Instead I was Captain Ahab leading us to destruction.
“Where are you sailing today, Captain?” His gaze turned to me, and I wasn’t shy enough to ignore an adult. I stared at his nose as I spoke.
“The um grass field by Hawkinson’s farm? You know how when it like blows , how it looks like the oocean or like um.” I let my words drift off. I felt the energy sucked from the air, not uncommon when I was the one talking but this was different. As soon as I mentioned the field Mr. Stevens's smile shrunk and his eyes glazed.
“You, boys, should be careful out there.” His next gulp of iced tea was shakier and more tea went into his beard than his mouth.
“What do you mean?” Henry asked, deciding to sit on the sidewalk next to Mr. Steven's chair. I followed suit. I sat next to Henry leaning against the barbershop's candy cane. Having Henry in between me and someone else always made me feel more comfortable.
“You said those fields you called them oceans?” His gaze was far off again. Henry nodded towards the old man in the chair. “They do look like an ocean don’t they.” He almost chuckled but it was dry, and he coughed from the effort. “Well, me and my first mate used to explore those waters too. Before Mr. Hawkinson and his family lived there it was owned by Tobias...” His eyes seemed to be searching for something. “By my first mate's family and we would spend hours in the grass searching for buried treasure.” Henry was engrossed in the story and the prospect of treasure. I listened faintly as the cars passed me on the road. Picking at the crevices between sidewalk panels. “But you boys listen find somewhere else to play because there are fucking sharks in that water.” Mr. Steven’s cussing brought me back to the present and me and Henry shared a look of glee at hearing an adult swear. He looked intently at us and we were afraid he would scold us for joking. Instead he stood shaking with the effort. “Leave that place alone or those… those sharks will tear you to pieces and no one will find you.” He vanished into the barbershop and left me and Henry sitting there.
“What the” Henry lowered his voice to only where I could hear. “Fuck was that old man on about?” Me and Henry laughed hysterically. We were in tears by the time we finally stood. “Well, captain, should we set sail?” Henry’s resolve settled me, but Mr. Steven's words echoed in my head.
“But what about the sharks?” I asked, my mind went to great whites. I knew our ocean couldn’t have sharks swimming in them. But the way Mr. Steven’s had acted still filled me with dread.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Henry asked, beckoning me closer. He leaned in and whispered into my ear. “Sharks are afraid of me.” He puffed out his chest and took my hand. We ran all the way to the fields.
Today our ocean was choppy, and despite the sun shining brightly overhead I still smelled a storm coming.
“Maybe we should come back tomorrow,” I said. Me and Henry were standing right outside the entrance. Standing this close without the distance the hill provided I saw how dry and spread apart the grass was. The motion of the waves wasn’t as organized here. Too many individuals trying to leave the herd.
“Are you scared?” Henry asked this, not like my other friends, the few that I had. He genuinely wanted to know, and I knew that if I was he would be content to sit up on that hill with me. The thought was tempting but I didn’t want to disappoint him besides I was tired of waiting. I was tired of thinking everything to death.
“No, let's do this.” The resolve in my voice was new and Henry took note. I tried to puff out my chest like he had. This made Henry chuckle as he motioned towards the field.
“That’s why you're captain.” He said and we ventured into the great unknown.
We had been going to watch this field for a week. My books about the seven seas had inspired us to find one. We had both been there before but never with the hearts of sailors never together. We hadn’t gone inside yet, content to watch from afar. It hadn’t seemed ready for us yet. Now as we finally made the leap my heart was fluttering.
The field wasn’t that large but inside it seemed to stretch on forever. It wasn’t seconds after we entered the field that we lost all semblance of direction. Henry in front of me was the only thing that kept me from total paralyzing fear. I was scanning in every direction searching for a shadow that would swallow us up. Every blade that brushed by my body was the rubbery skin of a great white sent to cut me with its teeth.
“Do you think Columbus played games on board while he was sailing to find America?” Henry asked in between swings. He was slashing the grass from in front of him like a brave jungle explorer.
“I’m sure they at least tried Tic Tac Toe.” My eyes wandered to the crew of the Santa Maria trying to beat Columbus in games. I bet Columbus was a real sore loser.
“I bet they drank a lot too. Adults always have so much fun when they drink.” He stopped swinging altogether and stopped where he was. He looked at me a little sheepishly as I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Is your dad still…?” I let the words drift off, they didn’t need to be said.
“Not as much.” He said, “It was worse right after my brother died.” He was drawing a picture in the dirt. It was a family of stick people. I remember thinking they looked happy. “I don’t get it.” He said erasing the picture. He buried his head in his hands. I started rubbing his shoulder.
“Adults get old, and they get unhappy, and they have kids so they don’t have to be unhappy alone.” I spoke the words I had thought everytime my father came home drunk.
“Are we going to, you know, get old and unhappy?” He turned towards me with tears in his eyes. I held out my pinky in our familiar way signifying the greatest exercise in trust we had. He joined his pinky in mine.
“As long as we are together we will never get old and unhappy” He echoed my words, and we shook our pinky’s. We sat there smiling for a second. The last time I ever smiled at him.
A sound erupted from every direction. The sound was not natural. It was screeching metal and yelling garbled together with a thumping bass that shook the earth. We propelled ourselves off the ground, staying low like cornered animals. We spun in a circle trying to find a source. I looked at the sky and saw that darkness had started to descend. Had we really been in there that long?
“What is that?” I asked not daring to raise my volume above a whisper even among the deafening noise. It was instinctual making myself smaller in the face of whatever this was.
“I don’t know, maybe like a farm machine? Maybe an earthquake?” His voice was wavering, something I had never heard it do. I knew he didn’t believe that but our minds were grasping for any sense of reason. “Whatever it is, we need to get out of here.” He could hear how scared I was and adjusted his voice to make me feel better. He grabbed my hand, and we took off as fast as our legs could carry us in the direction we came. The grass seemed to darken from green to gray to black as we ran. Henry was faster than me, but he kept his hand on mine so I wouldn’t fall behind. The steady rhythm of our feet and his red Nikes streaking ahead of me was the only comfort I felt. The sound droned on and got louder. We had to yell to hear each other over the sound booming from all around us.
After what felt like an hour of running the grass was fully black and started to resemble tendrils shooting towards the sky. Their sway that was our comforting ocean was now a deadly dance attempting to spear us with their points. My breath was labored, and my entire body started to replace adrenaline with pain as time went on. I was about to slow down when I stumbled into Henry’s back who had stopped dead in his tracks.
Silence after an eternity of noise can be far more alarming than any shrieking siren. The silence came all at once and it was deafening. My heartbeat hammered in my chest but besides that, the world seemed to die away.
“Why’d you stop?” I asked, dusting off my pants. As I dropped his hand and went to his side my eyes caught our obstacle. It was a hole. More than that it was a perfect circle of darkness. The dim light from the sky didn’t show any sides to the hole. It simply began and decided not to end.
As soon as my eyes landed on it, I couldn’t peel them away. The darkness, the absolute lack of any light. It was mesmerizing, it was maddening. I grabbed a rock from the ground and dropped it into the hole. As soon as it entered the mouth of the pit it disappeared. I listened for the sound of a rock falling or at least hitting the side, but it never came. I thought of when I saw a sinkhole on TV but that was nothing compared to the tear that had ripped apart the world.
“Henry, I think we should go.” I turned to face him for the first time since we had encountered the hole. He was a foot away from the edge. The white tips of his shoes shone brightly against the steep drop in front of him. “Henry?” I walked towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. “Let's get out of here man.” I looked into his eyes and wanted to cry.
His eyes were the same indescribable black pit plastered on the floor before us. His gentle sloping cheeks that I had studied with his every smile had always led to the beautiful green. Just as our green ocean had rotted and turned black Henry’s eyes were gone, replaced by voids.
As I saw the absence of his eyes they began to very slowly shimmer and grow on his face. The ground was following suit, and it was slowly growing towards Henry’s feet.
“Henry please , we have to go.” I shook his shoulders and started crying. I wanted to run but I wouldn’t give my friend to this thing. It wasn’t bravery, it was necessity. I wasn’t anything without him “HENRY PLEASE!” The black on his face was getting dangerously close to his nostrils. Would it suffocate him before he fell?
“Henry, you promised!” The words caught in my throat but I forced them out, launching them at him. “You promised you’d stay with me I need you… I need you.”
I was starting to buckle under the weight of the situation. I stood side by side with him prepared to go down with the ship and my first mate. The white tips of his shoes were peaking over the borders of the growing void. I felt his cold hand like the hand of death around mine. I looked up at his eyes and the threat was retreating a forest of green growing out of the blackness. He looked at me, his breath even.
“Run.” He said calmly and then he took off like a dog who had lost his leash.
The hole didn’t want to let him go and it increased the rate it was swallowing the earth around us. Henry kept his hand firmly on mine as he pulled me ever forward. He would run and then seemingly out of nowhere he would turn left and then right. At one point I swear he did a 180 but the hole still loomed behind us. I don’t know how but he had the map that would lead to escape.
The sound started up again with a fury. It was weirdly comforting to escape the silence even if it was replaced by that indescribable sound
The black grass slowly started to return to normal as we went. They weren’t only regaining color but they gained life and form. The tendrils slowly morphed back into predictable stalks as we streaked by them. They seemed to be showing us the way home.
I slowly started to see the sun peaking through the grass up ahead. It was freedom and I could taste it. Henry saw it too and looked back at me to smile. His smile quickly turned to fear and he tightened the grip on my hand. I dared to glance back and I saw a single dark tendril creeping from the abyss. It was shadow and solid ink but its movements were organized and they whipped forward grasping for my flesh. As it got closer it took form. It gained teeth and purpose with every strike. The sharks had finally found us.
The break in the grass was right ahead. I didn't feel the fresh air but I knew I was close to drawing my first actual breath. Just as relief swallowed me I felt venomous barbs wrap around my ankle. They didn’t knock me down but their resistance was increasing as I tried to trudge forward. Henry felt the added resistance and looked at the tentacle. I felt ice flowing up my veins emanating from my ankle. It reminded me of when my foot had broken through the ice at McCleary’s pond. The same frozen feeling was crawling up, spreading and increasing its grip.
Henry kept pulling me but even he wasn’t strong enough to keep our momentum. He got a grim look in his eyes. The green of his eyes were cloudy. As I stared at him pleading, a smile broke across his face. I’ve remembered that smile for all these years and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.
Without a word he grabbed my outstretched wrist with his other hand and braced himself. I saw the strain in his muscles as he threw me with all his might. He fell over from the effort as I stumbled free and tripped all the way to safety.
The fall knocked the wind out of me. I lay breathlessly for a second savoring the returned warmth in my ankle. My relief at freedom didn’t last longer than it took to retrieve my breath. I looked back at the field behind me. Dry grass standing still. The sun was still fully shining overhead.
I rushed back inside, throwing apart the grass and tearing them out in clumps. It was different when I entered this time the wind still blew and the sun still shone with intensity. I ran with all my speed ignoring the pain in my ankle and the muscles that no longer wanted to respond to my brain. I quickly found the end on the other side and turned right back around. I attempted to follow the same trail as Henry. A left here, a right there doing 180’s and circles. I searched for hours until long after the sun fell and the full moon illuminated my chase.
When I finally came back to the entrance, my mother was shining a flashlight towards me. The light felt accusatory standing in a line up for the murder of my friend.
“Jeremy! Where did you go? I was worried sick.” I walked towards the light preparing to be put into handcuffs. Her voice sounded like a radio with a bad connection. The whole world had gone staticy and garbled.
“I… I lost Henry, I can't find Henry.” My emotions finally caught up with me and I broke into sobs. My mother caught me and started rubbing my back. She wiped away my tears and held me. When she responded her voice was confused but full of emotion.
“Who is Henry?” Was the last thing I heard before I fell unconscious.
The next two months were a blur. I spent two weeks in the hospital. The doctors said it was extreme dehydration and exhaustion. They didn’t believe my mother that I had only been gone a day. The extent of my injuries seemed to be after months of torment. I was visited by a psychologist every day to go over the events. She told my mother when they thought i was asleep that I had a psychotic break from my ordeal. My whole story was fiction and I had invented the strong brave Henry to get me through the ordeal. The doctors never could explain the blackened skin on my ankle. It wasn’t burned, the skin just lost its color and they chalked it up to the unexplained. My father never visited, unable to deal with his psychotic son.
When I got out I canvassed the town asking anyone if they knew Henry. All I got was blank stares as my mother would rush me back home. I looked for Mr. Steven’s but his son said he had left town.
“An old friend came to visit and my pops took off without a second thought.” Mr. Stevens the junior had the same beard only streaked with the occasional gray instead of white. I asked Mrs. Thompson at the corner store who always slid us sweets when we visited. I asked our teacher who had always sat us together knowing we were a bonded pair. I even asked my father who always scolded me after Henry left saying I should be chasing girls not the coattails of that little boy.
“Listen kid,” my father said, swigging his beer. “You are really freaking out your mom. Now shut the fuck up and act normal.” He left to get some air and I saw my mother watching me from the kitchen. I had stopped eating or sleeping. The only times I talked about it was to ask about Henry.
I visited his parents last, unable to deal with their inevitable response. I walked onto their porch, the same porch where me and Henry had drawn pictures of our older selves with chalk. I drew myself on a boat and Henry added himself right by my side. The boat remained but my first mate was gone. Only my chalk figure remained. The drawing was faded by rain or time. Or the unspeakable force that had drained my leg and my life of color. I knocked once and Henry’s mother answered the door.
“Oh sweetie,” She said, crouching down to my level. “ I heard what happened, are you ok?” My parents had spread the rumor that it was a nasty virus that had left me bedridden. My father couldn’t stomach the idea of anyone thinking he had “failed” as a father.
“Yes ma'am,” I replied, not meeting her gaze. She had Henry’s eyes and I knew the sight would crush me. “I was just wondering if you were ok?” I kept my question vague. I had promised my mother to stop asking about Henry.
“Oh baby how sweet of you. Yes we are fine, just glad to hear you are alright. Isn’t that right Craig?” Henry’s father sat on his familiar recliner wearing a stained white shirt. He didn’t even turn to acknowledge me or his wife.
“Ok thank you ma'am.” I replied after a moment of silence. Her words were sweet but her peace destroyed me. As I walked back to the sidewalk I felt her eyes on my back.
We moved not long after that. My mom had fought my father over it but she had convinced him. I knew how hard she had fought for this when she told me the news sporting a black eye. My father was able to transfer to a factory about four hours away. Before he had looked at me with shame but now he just refused to look at me. We rolled out of town on a gray tuesday. The buildings of my home were different as I left. Drained of any memories that mattered. The stop light was just a stoplight. Hindering my exit from the town.
Old man Steven’s chair was staring at me as I left. He still hadn’t returned and his son was starting to get worried. I remembered his tales of sharks and the first mate he lost as the building of my home streaked past me.
The town is now full of stop lights as I pull in. They even have a Target downtown. The barbershop has been replaced by a pharmacy. His chair is still there but it is vacant. I am sure that he died like everything does. Everything is different but entirely the same. The decision to come back came after a startling realization. I couldn’t remember his voice anymore. Everybody had forgotten him and I needed to bear his memory. I decided to write this and come back so I don’t forget anymore. He deserved a grave but all he got was the tombstone he had etched in my heart and now on this page. I looked down at the blackened skin on my ankle. I was grateful it was there the only thing that kept the past real.
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The wind over the grass made it look like the ocean. Each blade is so closely bonded you can’t distinguish one from the next as they dance in a line. It was a private dance for me and him. The green of the field was nowhere as brilliant as the green in his eyes. We would lay for hours commenting on the clouds, pondering over the trees, or our imaginations riding the waves of foliage bringing our boat further away from the shore. It was our haven. It was our ocean. I haven’t been back since it happened, but I know the waves will be the same, too similar, so close to my memory that I'll have to look away.
Our town was the old kind with enough history to fill our local library. The only changes to historic downtown in the last 50 years was the stoplight on the corner. It amazed me and Henry almost as much as our ocean. We pressed the walk button so often that the beep was as familiar to me as the chime of the church bell in the square. As soon as the man on the screen told us to walk Henry would look at me, grab my hand, and say.
“Run” the rush we felt as the cars stopped just for us was electric. We skipped from one white rectangle to the next. In our minds, we were Moses parting the seas avoiding the pharaoh fast on our heels. On one such summer afternoon, me and Henry skipped all the way to the barbershop. Old man Stevens had owned the shop for fifty years. Now his son owned it and he took to perching outside like a gargoyle. He said it made him feel young even though a large portion of his time outside was spent sleeping. The awning over his head was older than him and was faded and cracked. Me and Henry didn’t notice our hands were still intertwined until he looked at us, his white beard slick with sweat.
“And where are you boys headed?” His voice was warm milk adding to his Santa Claus appearance. He had missed a button on his yellow corduroy jacket. The same hands that had held a sharp blade against the entire’s town head had lost their dexterity and stability.
“Well,” Henry started, always the braver between us. “We are going on an adventure.” His green eyes twinkled, and his smile was crooked. He had the kind of smile that spread even to adults and Mr. Stevens smiled back at him.
“An adventure, eh? I hope you boys are prepared. Adventures can be dangerous.” He took a sip from the iced tea that sat by his side. The ice clinked as he sipped, and droplets fell into his beard. My mother had once said the food in his beard could feed the entire town for a month.
“Oh, we know,” Henry replied, looking at me. “Me and the captain here are prepared for anything the seas could throw our way.” Henry always made me captain despite my protests. Captains were supposed to be brave and proud, and I knew what I was. My father would yell at me every night for being a Nancy boy too shy to face his own shadow. I only played sports of any kind with Henry. The rest of the time I spent my nose stuck in a book. It was Captain Nemo and Columbus that inspired us to take to the seas. If only I had read about astronauts instead. Me and Henry could’ve wandered the barren plains and made up martians. Instead I was Captain Ahab leading us to destruction.
“Where are you sailing today, Captain?” His gaze turned to me, and I wasn’t shy enough to ignore an adult. I stared at his nose as I spoke.
“The um grass field by Hawkinson’s farm? You know how when it like blows , how it looks like the oocean or like um.” I let my words drift off. I felt the energy sucked from the air, not uncommon when I was the one talking but this was different. As soon as I mentioned the field Mr. Stevens's smile shrunk and his eyes glazed.
“You, boys, should be careful out there.” His next gulp of iced tea was shakier and more tea went into his beard than his mouth.
“What do you mean?” Henry asked, deciding to sit on the sidewalk next to Mr. Steven's chair. I followed suit. I sat next to Henry leaning against the barbershop's candy cane. Having Henry in between me and someone else always made me feel more comfortable.
“You said those fields you called them oceans?” His gaze was far off again. Henry nodded towards the old man in the chair. “They do look like an ocean don’t they.” He almost chuckled but it was dry, and he coughed from the effort. “Well, me and my first mate used to explore those waters too. Before Mr. Hawkinson and his family lived there it was owned by Tobias...” His eyes seemed to be searching for something. “By my first mate's family and we would spend hours in the grass searching for buried treasure.” Henry was engrossed in the story and the prospect of treasure. I listened faintly as the cars passed me on the road. Picking at the crevices between sidewalk panels. “But you boys listen find somewhere else to play because there are fucking sharks in that water.” Mr. Steven’s cussing brought me back to the present and me and Henry shared a look of glee at hearing an adult swear. He looked intently at us and we were afraid he would scold us for joking. Instead he stood shaking with the effort. “Leave that place alone or those… those sharks will tear you to pieces and no one will find you.” He vanished into the barbershop and left me and Henry sitting there.
“What the” Henry lowered his voice to only where I could hear. “Fuck was that old man on about?” Me and Henry laughed hysterically. We were in tears by the time we finally stood. “Well, captain, should we set sail?” Henry’s resolve settled me, but Mr. Steven's words echoed in my head.
“But what about the sharks?” I asked, my mind went to great whites. I knew our ocean couldn’t have sharks swimming in them. But the way Mr. Steven’s had acted still filled me with dread.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Henry asked, beckoning me closer. He leaned in and whispered into my ear. “Sharks are afraid of me.” He puffed out his chest and took my hand. We ran all the way to the fields.
Today our ocean was choppy, and despite the sun shining brightly overhead I still smelled a storm coming.
“Maybe we should come back tomorrow,” I said. Me and Henry were standing right outside the entrance. Standing this close without the distance the hill provided I saw how dry and spread apart the grass was. The motion of the waves wasn’t as organized here. Too many individuals trying to leave the herd.
“Are you scared?” Henry asked this, not like my other friends, the few that I had. He genuinely wanted to know, and I knew that if I was he would be content to sit up on that hill with me. The thought was tempting but I didn’t want to disappoint him besides I was tired of waiting. I was tired of thinking everything to death.
“No, let's do this.” The resolve in my voice was new and Henry took note. I tried to puff out my chest like he had. This made Henry chuckle as he motioned towards the field.
“That’s why you're captain.” He said and we ventured into the great unknown.
We had been going to watch this field for a week. My books about the seven seas had inspired us to find one. We had both been there before but never with the hearts of sailors never together. We hadn’t gone inside yet, content to watch from afar. It hadn’t seemed ready for us yet. Now as we finally made the leap my heart was fluttering.
The field wasn’t that large but inside it seemed to stretch on forever. It wasn’t seconds after we entered the field that we lost all semblance of direction. Henry in front of me was the only thing that kept me from total paralyzing fear. I was scanning in every direction searching for a shadow that would swallow us up. Every blade that brushed by my body was the rubbery skin of a great white sent to cut me with its teeth.
“Do you think Columbus played games on board while he was sailing to find America?” Henry asked in between swings. He was slashing the grass from in front of him like a brave jungle explorer.
“I’m sure they at least tried Tic Tac Toe.” My eyes wandered to the crew of the Santa Maria trying to beat Columbus in games. I bet Columbus was a real sore loser.
“I bet they drank a lot too. Adults always have so much fun when they drink.” He stopped swinging altogether and stopped where he was. He looked at me a little sheepishly as I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Is your dad still…?” I let the words drift off, they didn’t need to be said.
“Not as much.” He said, “It was worse right after my brother died.” He was drawing a picture in the dirt. It was a family of stick people. I remember thinking they looked happy. “I don’t get it.” He said erasing the picture. He buried his head in his hands. I started rubbing his shoulder.
“Adults get old, and they get unhappy, and they have kids so they don’t have to be unhappy alone.” I spoke the words I had thought everytime my father came home drunk.
“Are we going to, you know, get old and unhappy?” He turned towards me with tears in his eyes. I held out my pinky in our familiar way signifying the greatest exercise in trust we had. He joined his pinky in mine.
“As long as we are together we will never get old and unhappy” He echoed my words, and we shook our pinky’s. We sat there smiling for a second. The last time I ever smiled at him.
A sound erupted from every direction. The sound was not natural. It was screeching metal and yelling garbled together with a thumping bass that shook the earth. We propelled ourselves off the ground, staying low like cornered animals. We spun in a circle trying to find a source. I looked at the sky and saw that darkness had started to descend. Had we really been in there that long?
“What is that?” I asked not daring to raise my volume above a whisper even among the deafening noise. It was instinctual making myself smaller in the face of whatever this was.
“I don’t know, maybe like a farm machine? Maybe an earthquake?” His voice was wavering, something I had never heard it do. I knew he didn’t believe that but our minds were grasping for any sense of reason. “Whatever it is, we need to get out of here.” He could hear how scared I was and adjusted his voice to make me feel better. He grabbed my hand, and we took off as fast as our legs could carry us in the direction we came. The grass seemed to darken from green to gray to black as we ran. Henry was faster than me, but he kept his hand on mine so I wouldn’t fall behind. The steady rhythm of our feet and his red Nikes streaking ahead of me was the only comfort I felt. The sound droned on and got louder. We had to yell to hear each other over the sound booming from all around us.
After what felt like an hour of running the grass was fully black and started to resemble tendrils shooting towards the sky. Their sway that was our comforting ocean was now a deadly dance attempting to spear us with their points. My breath was labored, and my entire body started to replace adrenaline with pain as time went on. I was about to slow down when I stumbled into Henry’s back who had stopped dead in his tracks.
Silence after an eternity of noise can be far more alarming than any shrieking siren. The silence came all at once and it was deafening. My heartbeat hammered in my chest but besides that, the world seemed to die away.
“Why’d you stop?” I asked, dusting off my pants. As I dropped his hand and went to his side my eyes caught our obstacle. It was a hole. More than that it was a perfect circle of darkness. The dim light from the sky didn’t show any sides to the hole. It simply began and decided not to end.
As soon as my eyes landed on it, I couldn’t peel them away. The darkness, the absolute lack of any light. It was mesmerizing, it was maddening. I grabbed a rock from the ground and dropped it into the hole. As soon as it entered the mouth of the pit it disappeared. I listened for the sound of a rock falling or at least hitting the side, but it never came. I thought of when I saw a sinkhole on TV but that was nothing compared to the tear that had ripped apart the world.
“Henry, I think we should go.” I turned to face him for the first time since we had encountered the hole. He was a foot away from the edge. The white tips of his shoes shone brightly against the steep drop in front of him. “Henry?” I walked towards him and put my hand on his shoulder. “Let's get out of here man.” I looked into his eyes and wanted to cry.
His eyes were the same indescribable black pit plastered on the floor before us. His gentle sloping cheeks that I had studied with his every smile had always led to the beautiful green. Just as our green ocean had rotted and turned black Henry’s eyes were gone, replaced by voids.
As I saw the absence of his eyes they began to very slowly shimmer and grow on his face. The ground was following suit, and it was slowly growing towards Henry’s feet.
“Henry please , we have to go.” I shook his shoulders and started crying. I wanted to run but I wouldn’t give my friend to this thing. It wasn’t bravery, it was necessity. I wasn’t anything without him “HENRY PLEASE!” The black on his face was getting dangerously close to his nostrils. Would it suffocate him before he fell?
“Henry, you promised!” The words caught in my throat but I forced them out, launching them at him. “You promised you’d stay with me I need you… I need you.”
I was starting to buckle under the weight of the situation. I stood side by side with him prepared to go down with the ship and my first mate. The white tips of his shoes were peaking over the borders of the growing void. I felt his cold hand like the hand of death around mine. I looked up at his eyes and the threat was retreating a forest of green growing out of the blackness. He looked at me, his breath even.
“Run.” He said calmly and then he took off like a dog who had lost his leash.
The hole didn’t want to let him go and it increased the rate it was swallowing the earth around us. Henry kept his hand firmly on mine as he pulled me ever forward. He would run and then seemingly out of nowhere he would turn left and then right. At one point I swear he did a 180 but the hole still loomed behind us. I don’t know how but he had the map that would lead to escape.
The sound started up again with a fury. It was weirdly comforting to escape the silence even if it was replaced by that indescribable sound
The black grass slowly started to return to normal as we went. They weren’t only regaining color but they gained life and form. The tendrils slowly morphed back into predictable stalks as we streaked by them. They seemed to be showing us the way home.
I slowly started to see the sun peaking through the grass up ahead. It was freedom and I could taste it. Henry saw it too and looked back at me to smile. His smile quickly turned to fear and he tightened the grip on my hand. I dared to glance back and I saw a single dark tendril creeping from the abyss. It was shadow and solid ink but its movements were organized and they whipped forward grasping for my flesh. As it got closer it took form. It gained teeth and purpose with every strike. The sharks had finally found us.
The break in the grass was right ahead. I didn't feel the fresh air but I knew I was close to drawing my first actual breath. Just as relief swallowed me I felt venomous barbs wrap around my ankle. They didn’t knock me down but their resistance was increasing as I tried to trudge forward. Henry felt the added resistance and looked at the tentacle. I felt ice flowing up my veins emanating from my ankle. It reminded me of when my foot had broken through the ice at McCleary’s pond. The same frozen feeling was crawling up, spreading and increasing its grip.
Henry kept pulling me but even he wasn’t strong enough to keep our momentum. He got a grim look in his eyes. The green of his eyes were cloudy. As I stared at him pleading, a smile broke across his face. I’ve remembered that smile for all these years and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.
Without a word he grabbed my outstretched wrist with his other hand and braced himself. I saw the strain in his muscles as he threw me with all his might. He fell over from the effort as I stumbled free and tripped all the way to safety.
The fall knocked the wind out of me. I lay breathlessly for a second savoring the returned warmth in my ankle. My relief at freedom didn’t last longer than it took to retrieve my breath. I looked back at the field behind me. Dry grass standing still. The sun was still fully shining overhead.
I rushed back inside, throwing apart the grass and tearing them out in clumps. It was different when I entered this time the wind still blew and the sun still shone with intensity. I ran with all my speed ignoring the pain in my ankle and the muscles that no longer wanted to respond to my brain. I quickly found the end on the other side and turned right back around. I attempted to follow the same trail as Henry. A left here, a right there doing 180’s and circles. I searched for hours until long after the sun fell and the full moon illuminated my chase.
When I finally came back to the entrance, my mother was shining a flashlight towards me. The light felt accusatory standing in a line up for the murder of my friend.
“Jeremy! Where did you go? I was worried sick.” I walked towards the light preparing to be put into handcuffs. Her voice sounded like a radio with a bad connection. The whole world had gone staticy and garbled.
“I… I lost Henry, I can't find Henry.” My emotions finally caught up with me and I broke into sobs. My mother caught me and started rubbing my back. She wiped away my tears and held me. When she responded her voice was confused but full of emotion.
“Who is Henry?” Was the last thing I heard before I fell unconscious.
The next two months were a blur. I spent two weeks in the hospital. The doctors said it was extreme dehydration and exhaustion. They didn’t believe my mother that I had only been gone a day. The extent of my injuries seemed to be after months of torment. I was visited by a psychologist every day to go over the events. She told my mother when they thought i was asleep that I had a psychotic break from my ordeal. My whole story was fiction and I had invented the strong brave Henry to get me through the ordeal. The doctors never could explain the blackened skin on my ankle. It wasn’t burned, the skin just lost its color and they chalked it up to the unexplained. My father never visited, unable to deal with his psychotic son.
When I got out I canvassed the town asking anyone if they knew Henry. All I got was blank stares as my mother would rush me back home. I looked for Mr. Steven’s but his son said he had left town.
“An old friend came to visit and my pops took off without a second thought.” Mr. Stevens the junior had the same beard only streaked with the occasional gray instead of white. I asked Mrs. Thompson at the corner store who always slid us sweets when we visited. I asked our teacher who had always sat us together knowing we were a bonded pair. I even asked my father who always scolded me after Henry left saying I should be chasing girls not the coattails of that little boy.
“Listen kid,” my father said, swigging his beer. “You are really freaking out your mom. Now shut the fuck up and act normal.” He left to get some air and I saw my mother watching me from the kitchen. I had stopped eating or sleeping. The only times I talked about it was to ask about Henry.
I visited his parents last, unable to deal with their inevitable response. I walked onto their porch, the same porch where me and Henry had drawn pictures of our older selves with chalk. I drew myself on a boat and Henry added himself right by my side. The boat remained but my first mate was gone. Only my chalk figure remained. The drawing was faded by rain or time. Or the unspeakable force that had drained my leg and my life of color. I knocked once and Henry’s mother answered the door.
“Oh sweetie,” She said, crouching down to my level. “ I heard what happened, are you ok?” My parents had spread the rumor that it was a nasty virus that had left me bedridden. My father couldn’t stomach the idea of anyone thinking he had “failed” as a father.
“Yes ma'am,” I replied, not meeting her gaze. She had Henry’s eyes and I knew the sight would crush me. “I was just wondering if you were ok?” I kept my question vague. I had promised my mother to stop asking about Henry.
“Oh baby how sweet of you. Yes we are fine, just glad to hear you are alright. Isn’t that right Craig?” Henry’s father sat on his familiar recliner wearing a stained white shirt. He didn’t even turn to acknowledge me or his wife.
“Ok thank you ma'am.” I replied after a moment of silence. Her words were sweet but her peace destroyed me. As I walked back to the sidewalk I felt her eyes on my back.
We moved not long after that. My mom had fought my father over it but she had convinced him. I knew how hard she had fought for this when she told me the news sporting a black eye. My father was able to transfer to a factory about four hours away. Before he had looked at me with shame but now he just refused to look at me. We rolled out of town on a gray tuesday. The buildings of my home were different as I left. Drained of any memories that mattered. The stop light was just a stoplight. Hindering my exit from the town.
Old man Steven’s chair was staring at me as I left. He still hadn’t returned and his son was starting to get worried. I remembered his tales of sharks and the first mate he lost as the building of my home streaked past me.
The town is now full of stop lights as I pull in. They even have a Target downtown. The barbershop has been replaced by a pharmacy. His chair is still there but it is vacant. I am sure that he died like everything does. Everything is different but entirely the same. The decision to come back came after a startling realization. I couldn’t remember his voice anymore. Everybody had forgotten him and I needed to bear his memory. I decided to write this and come back so I don’t forget anymore. He deserved a grave but all he got was the tombstone he had etched in my heart and now on this page. I looked down at the blackened skin on my ankle. I was grateful it was there the only thing that kept the past real.
#entertainment
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