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please help hi guys i’m doing this text to speech because…

please help

hi guys i’m doing this text to speech because I don’t know how to word my thoughts correctly. But I think I’m a lesbian. I try so hard to like men and I just want my family to accept me and I feel like I crave male validation so much but for what reason. I don’t like being in relationships with men honestly, I would much rather experience homophobia than be sexually assaulted every single time I have sex with a man which is pretty much what has happened. But part of me is scared to fully identify as a lesbian because I’m scared that I’m faking it or that I’m just using the label because I “ don’t like men just because they hurt me” is that a valid reason to say I’m a lesbian or is that me using a label falsely? I feel a deeper connection with women than anybody else and I’m just so scared of dying alone that I talk to men because they fill some kind of void. Any advice?
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