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My cat will not stop doing back flips in my peripheral vision. Closing my eyes doesn't work anymore. I need help.
I have a beloved family pet. A cat, Alfredson. Fun fact, we’re almost the exact same age. Lately, despite his old age he’s been very energetic. Alfredson (perhaps satisfying some ancient and until now dormant instinct of his kind) cannot stop preforming back-flips right in the very corner of my left eye.
I still live with my parents, but its okay because I just graduated high school. Just yesterday I did, actually. I don’t have any plan on moving out anytime soon, mostly because I’m afraid that I wont be alive to pack my belongings. Alfredson is the deserved name of a proper old house cat. Really a exquisite sounding name. Whoever this luxurious cat was, his name was quietly stolen from him, and given to the kitten that my parents and I had picked up on the side of the road in 2005. From that day onward, this cat *lived.*
Alfredson is old, but he’s never shrimped out like most cats his age. Quite honestly, hes about as energetic and playful as a cat you may have adopted at a young age just last year. This, I assume is because of my parents rigorous scheduling- as he gets fed at the same time every day and night. Same amount. Dude gets great exercise too. This is because I’m unemployed and practically spend every waking moment with him. We’re best friends, or perhaps our bond is more acquainted to sibling-ship. These are the reasons that I believe Alfredson seems like he just isn’t aging. As of just tonight though, I think I have another reason. A reason that doesn't quite make as much sense.
I’m sitting here now, under my covers in bed. It’s a **nerve-racking** experience even keeping my eyes open to type this out.. I’ve pulled the covers over my head just to… just see if I can see anything out of the corner of my eye…I guess. I mean, well… Ill explain:
*I believe that my life has ended before it ever really had the chance to truly begin.*
Wednesday morning I had woken up and like many of my kind, skipped a morning shower to instead immediately get on my computer before I had to attend the last day of my high school experience. In which, I couldn’t have cared less about. Mainly I was just focused on getting my livestream set up for later on when I got out of school. See, both of my parents know that I usually don’t like to be bothered when I’m streaming so this means that if I start streaming the minute I come home from school they wont bother me as much. This game plan I had been perfecting for years.
I swiveled my chair around to face my bed and my eyes dawned upon my glorious Alfredson. I verbally acknowledged his big stretch and yawn while he sprawled himself across the bed, right in the spot where I had been laying. This isn’t quite so out of the norm for him, I guess he just likes that I keep his spot warm all through the night so he can reclaim it when I leave in the morning. I continue to click away while suddenly I notice Alfredson just in the corner of my eye, sitting on the floor looking up at me. Now, I didn’t know what the hell he wanted but at the moment I was a little busy so I just dismissed him with a
“Just a sec, buddy.”
Without even moving my eyes from my monitor, just out of the corner of my eye- I saw Acrobat Alfredson launch himself into the air, do an actual fucking back-flip and land on his feet like it wasn’t no-thang. Now, I hadn’t *seen* it- but I had at least perceived it in my peripheral vision. I had never seen my cat do something quite that articulate. I mean, sure- he’s an energetic guy. But the thing is…hes big. Like…mane-coon big. This cat, if I were to hang him upside down could probably cover the length of my torso, down to my kneecaps. Cats this big just don’t *suddenly* do perfect fucking back-flips.
This transpiration obviously peaked my attention as I cocked my head to face Alfredson. As soon as I laid my full, undivided gaze on him— he had just as quickly resumed his previous position. Sitting down on the ground, looking up at me. Although most of the time this was an attempt at getting me to run his auto-feeder so he can have a little more grub, something was a little off this time. That look in his eyes, like he was trying to tell me something. I took out my phone and mashed the screen to open up my camera as soon as humanly possible. I started recording Alfredson just sitting there, just in case he decided to pop another flip. Personally, I’d love to have that video to see it in all its glory.
A few minutes went by, nothing. I’m felt a little disappointed but I did manage to get a video of him sitting there and looking cute. I rewarded him for a job well done with a pat on the head which he generously returned to me by rubbing the side of his face by my fingers. About 20 minutes pass, and I’m getting dressed for school. As I was trifling through my messy walk in closet I made sure to open up my phones camera and leave it on my bed that's about 5 feet away… Just in case this cat got any funny ideas- I was gonna be the one to catch it on video.
I gave the shirt on my closet floor a proper smell test before stretching it over my head and onto my body. Just as I pulled the last of the cotton out of the way of my eyes- it happens again. My cat launched himself off the floor only to crescendo in a beautiful display of agility, quickly flipping through the air and promptly landing on his feet. My head instantly darts towards Alfredson while I jump onto my bed to get my camera out. Alfredson, after performing this feat once again, resumes to sit down and look at me like I’m having some sort of heart attack.
Well, another few minutes went by to no avail. This cat ain’t giving away any of his secrets, despite my desperate pleas and bargaining for him to do it again. When I realized that Alfredson had not a thought in his brain about the current situation, due to his constant and unbreakable gaze, I gave up once-more. I put my phone in my pocket and continued my “routine”. In the time it had taken me to get the rest of my things together, eat a bowl of cereal and head for the door I had already forgotten about the events that had transpired in my room with the cat. While making sure I had everything ready to go, I decided to head back into my room to say goodbye to Alfredson.
I open the door to my room and there is… sitting in the exact same spot. This struck me as quite odd, since hes usually lounging on my bed by now. No, he was sitting… right where I last saw him. It looks like he hadn’t moved an inch. His head was still looking upwards- like he was still looking at my phone camera after I caught him bust that *sick ass move.*
“Yo, weirdo!” I exclaim to him.
This is when things start getting weird, and I hate to say that they don't stop getting weird. Like some malfunctioning pet of the bicentennial man, Alfredson started side-eying me- he didn’t move a single bone in his body. I could see his little green eyes dart over to look at me. While this made me fairly uncomfortable and off-put- its a fucking cat. The worst the guy is going to do is scratch me. I got down to his level and crawled over to him playfully, this usually riles him up good. This time, he did not move an inch.
“Ok, *weirdo.* I’m outta here.”
I swiftly and aggressively gave him a kiss on his soft head before running away and leaving that fucker in the dust. I ran into the hallway, and then the kitchen. Backpack? Check. Switch? Check. Phone? Check. My backpack was promptly discarded upon memory that this is in fact my graduation day. Being an only child you’d assume my parents would be ecstatic today however my father unfortunately could not be bothered to take the day off work. I’d say the same case for my mother but… at least she's swinging by on her lunch break. I’m way more okay with this than you’d expect. I placed my hand on the doorknob.
And just as waves come crashing with the tide, my goddamn cat appeared out of the blue in my peripheral vision and proceeded to land the smoothest back flip I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m torn between how mad I am that I can never quite catch him in my sight and witness this feat with my full gaze, and how frustrating it is getting it on video. Either way, I had no time for this so on my way I was.
I can’t drive, so I strut to the buss stop with the utmost confidence. Now, this isn’t a school bus I was taking- mind you. This was a city bus that happens to stop nearby my high-school. I can’t take a school bus anymore since my house is technically within walking range of the school. The bus, that was screeching to a stop in front of me was enormous. The exhaust always invades my personal space, so I hurried on as fast as possible. Upon boarding, something happened in my peripheral vision which I don't give a thought. Probably just because of the exchange that the exhaust just had with my face.
I spent around 10 minutes hunched over my switch, tuning out the rest of the noise made by the passengers.
“Yo, weirdo!” a shout comes to visit my ears, over the hard blue plastic seats of the city bus.
With an intensity I would quickly equate to being violently dragged out of a sensory deprivation tank after taking a heroic dose of psilocybin mushrooms, my mind managed to break free from the trance that Mario Kart had me in. Just as I made this motion with my head, and swiveled it around to see the source of the noise I had heard, I saw a beige shimmer in the corner of my eye— followed by a flourish that I had been all to familiar seeing in my peripheral vision all day. Right on the seat across from me, I swear I saw Alfredson do another back-flip, landing elegantly right on the back of the seat.
Before I could question if what I had just caught a glance of in the corner of my eye was even real or not, the source of the dialogue that had been directed towards me was busy making his grand entrance.
“You hearing me?” My friend, Eddy was standing over me and signing for me to scoot over so he can sit down next to me. He was holding his grad gown in a plastic cover, which promptly reminded me that I had forgotten my own.
“Yeah… Hey Ed, I heard you. Just distracted by my switch, I guess.”
“You’re ready for today, yeah?” Eddy looked over to me, making direct eye contact. I can tell neither of us are too excited.
“Yeah… sure.” I exhale. As soon as I let my breath out, it happened again. This time on one of the seats that I could see in my peripheral vision, left of Eddy’s face. And this time, I was sure. That had to be my *fucking* cat on the bus. Christ. How did he get here? He followed me all the way to the bus stop without my noticing? Hell, how didn’t anyone else notice? I mean, this is a BIG cat I have.
“Well, it doesn't really look like you’re ready, where's your gown?” Ed sneered.
I let out a distracted exhale, between a laugh and a sigh. Alfredson seemed to have slipped out of my sight again, and if he was on this bus he could get stolen or hurt. If he really was on the bus, I needed to do something about it. I would miss a thousand graduations if it meant he was safe.
“I forgot it at home, I’ll have to um… call my parents so they can bring it to me.”
Before Eddy had the chance to continue, I stood up and begun to navigate around him. I needed to get to the bus driver and let her know the situation so I could look for my **damn-ass cat** on this **damn-ass buss.** I thought Alfredson must have been scared out of his mind.
Unfortunately, talking to the bus driver was akin to speaking with a brick wall. I don't know if she couldn’t hear me or what— but I’m really not that much of an assertive person. This resulted in me crawling down the dirt-caked aisle, looking under all the seats for my cat. Despite all the weird looks I got, I still could not find Alfredson. My stunt was also a little much for more than a few passengers on the bus which I couldn't be bothered with at that particular moment. After passing Eddy, he remarked about my behavior as to which I poorly explained to him my situation.
“Yeah, I ain’t seen no damn cat on this bus. Dude, your shirt is filthy. Also, the bus driver told you to stop crawling through the aisle like 4 times before you actually stopped. Not sure if you heard that or not.” Eddy condescendingly explains to my rather confused self. I make sure to let him know I disregarded what he had said with my body language.
However crazy and ridiculous it may sound- I’m *sure* that I had seen Alfredson do a back-flip on that bus. Sure, it wasn't a full gaze in direct line of sight but… I don't know. It *couldn’t* have been him, but it **had** to be him. Something had started to really not set right with me about what I was constantly seeing in my peripheral.
After a few more moments of resuming my journey seated on the bus and letting my head slap against the window at gods free will we had arrived at our destination. Our school had a separate building for performing arts where our graduation took place. Talents shows, band concerts, that sort of thing. A very size-able brick building with a giant dome glass design for a roof like a miniature football field.
I trotted down the steps of the bus and plant myself onto the concrete below, walking a few steps to clear the door for other passengers that are exiting. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and turned it on, I had left the gallery app open. I’m greeted with what was seemingly the photos and videos of Alfredson I had taken this morning trying to catch him doing his stunt but… something was different about all these photos.
I mean, the entire batch of photos and videos. Everything was just like normal, the POV of the photos and videos were as to what I had remembered shooting this morning but… Alfredson just wasn't there. Its almost like I was taking a video of thin air, expecting it to move or do something. I’m surely not going crazy, right? I mean its not such a reach to think it just some weird glitch or…cyber attack? Well, maybe cyber attack would be a reaching explanation, however- whatever could make sense of the situation I had found myself in - I was willing to believe. I remember thinking to myself;
*I’m too young to go crazy, already.*
As to the reason I had pulled out my phone, I dialed up my mother.
“Hey, Marcus?”
“Hi Mom, hey I forgot my gown by accident could you like… drop it off for me whenever you get to the ceremony?” I meekly say while I pinch myself.
My mother answers with a disapproving and offended noise
“*Marcus*, fine. I cant believe you would forget that!”
“Yeah mom, I just got distracted this morning and I guess I’ve kinda been off all day is all.” I couldn’t even begin to explain this to her.
“That's because of the computer, you shouldn’t be on it so much.” Snark had now invaded the conversation.
“No, its cuzza the cat. Never-mind, see you soon. Love you.”
“Love you too, bye bye *young man.*”
Actually not that painful of a call to make, all things considered. From then on I wish I could say things got better- but nothing got better at all. Graduation luckily went off more or less without a hitch for every single person bar me. There I had been seated aside all my peers, people I’ve known for years- maybe a friend or two. None of them seeing what I’m seeing. The intensity and consistency of my presumed hallucination just kept increasing and increasing. I was seeing Alfredson everywhere. Just out of the very corner of my eye. I couldn't go 5 minutes without perceiving the damn cat flourish in the air like I had seen this morning. Sitting in my seat, sweating as names are being called left and right for all of the other kids. It felt like a fever dream.
That's when I found out *the trick*. As I was sitting there locked in my seat, horrified to look anywhere besides directly in front of me- I realized this;
If shut my eyes just tight enough, Alfredson would cease to exist in my peripheral. As I discover this, my name is called. I was panicking because my name had just been called to accept my diploma, but I was also overjoyed that I had seemingly figured out how to stop whatever I was experiencing from happening. I just had to squeeze my eyes ever so tightly, and it will all stop. All until I of course have to open them again.
My ceremony wraps up, I didn't speak to anyone- let alone Eddy or the other friend I have. Quite honestly I couldn't bare to have my eyes open for as long as I was required to keep them open to convince others that I’m a normal human being. At the earliest possible moment there I was to leave I approached my mom.
“Can we go home now? I took the bus here and I wanna go now if that's alright.” I’m positive that she could see through me and sense the stress in my voice.
“But honey, the event just ended- I haven’t even gotten to talk to Mrs. Smithy yet!” My mom pleaded.
“I’m just feeling like really bad, I think I’m getting really sick or something.” I say in a shakier voice than I anticipated. Something about this situation I was in was starting to really scare me. Mostly I was worried I was experiencing some sort of psychotic break. In which- I really just wanted to go home and see my cat with my own two eyes— instead of just the corner of my eye.
I had my eyes shut tight the entire way home. To my mother, it perhaps looked like I was having some sort of breakdown because I was leaving high school but I had ensured her that I was fine and just tired enough to nap in the car on the way home. Just as I had expected- our arrival at my house warranted my eyes to open once-more as I open the car door, step out and make my way up my long driveway. As I’m walking towards my front door in a hurried manner (much to my mothers sudden confusion) I can only think to have one eye closed. I mean, one eye closed is better than no eyes closed in this situation, right?
Just as I had thought I was getting a hang of “The rules” of my new condition, and just as I had reached the threshold of my doorway- Alfredson proves me wrong of this previous notion by appearing in the corner of the one eye I had opened- and promptly doing what he does best. To my surprise this caught me off guard enough to clip the very end of my foot on the threshold. I then ate shit in my entranceway and I took a mental note at that moment that I had never fallen in that exact place before in all the years my family had lived there.
“Oh, honey!” I heard my moms high heels clopping on the cement coming towards my, at the moment, shiftless self.
“You okay, doll?”
“Yeah, I’m good thanks.. Just tripped!” I said as I picked myself back up.
As soon as I could, I withdrew myself from the exchange with my mother and rushed to my room, making sure to keep at least one eye closed. I twist the knob, swing open the door with a considerable amount of vigor and witness…
***Alfredson.*** In his usual spot. Laying on my bed and looking at me with a peculiar sense of bewilderment- probably because I had gotten home so early and he wasn't expecting me to crash his “me-time”. I rush over to him and grab him up in my arms, plant a kiss on his head before playfully swinging him upside down and walking around the room.
“Well, thank god you’re safe.”
In the remaining hours, not a single moment had gone by where I let Alfredson out of my sight. Unfortunately my streaming plans for the night were now a wash— but I’d rather avoid some sort of psych break in front of a live audience. From the time I had gotten home to the time I had crawled into bed- *nothing happened.* It was refreshing. It just so happened that if I could just keep Alfredson in my direct line of sight— then everything would stop in my peripheral. All things considered, I was pretty happy— although I knew it wasn’t a permanent solution. This realization then scared me into wanting this day to come to an end.
Everything I have expressed here, leads to now. Maybe 20 minutes ago when I had started typing this out on my phone, curled up in bed. See, I thought I’d figured out “The rules” but… I couldn’t see Alfredson in the dark anymore. He had to be in my room but… I didn’t know where. The bright illumination of my phone screen contrasts with the washed out blue textures of my dark room, and as soon as my mind makes this connection- I can see Alfredson bust another one of his signature back flips in the corner of my eye- near where my computer setup would be.
I quickly snapped my head to look towards the spot and reprimand my cat.
“Alfred! Get down!” I quietly shout.
Alfredson is not where my peripheral vision had led me to believe. Almost as soon as I had shouted, I feel movement between my legs. As I look back from my computer desk to my bed- I see Alfredson, obviously irritated, look up at me as if to say “What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything wrong!”.
This sets off multiple signals in my brain. I look back over to my computer desk. Nothing. It happens again, this time in my peripheral- on top of my dresser. My head is starting to hurt from the frustration and dread that I feel. I feel if I were to try and get up from my bed, *something* wasn’t going to let me make it to my door. What this “something” is, I am not sure- which is why I am not moving. I tuck my head under the covers to nullify any real vision other than just my blanket and my phone screen. I’m shaking so bad that I’m having a hard time consecrating on what I’m typing.
Hold my eyes shut
Deep breath
Open my eyes
Tell my story
Repeat cycle.
This had been working, until now. I’m no longer seeing my old, silly cat do back-flips in my peripheral anymore. Now what I’m seeing is much more… red. Constant. I can see two eyes that instill a lonely feeling inside of me. I can see a pair of crimson stained lips snarling in my peripheral to accompany this pair of destitute, dry eyes. Nothing I do matters anymore. No matter how frantically I move my weary pupils, it doesn't leave my peripheral. Staring, not looking away. Better yet, when I close my eyes- it speaks to me.
“ ^(Look) ^(at) ^(me) ” it whispers. Even with my eyes closed, I can still see it. This time, somehow, in even more grotesque detail.
“ How many times have you spotted me today? ” Its mouth does not move when it whispers, but I swear that I can see its tongue slithering behind its giant, yellow crusty teeth.
I begin to silently weep as my irrational thought causes me to go back and correct spelling errors I had made while my fingers slipped across my phone screen that's covered in tears.
“ ^(Look) ^(at) ^(me) ” I feel a cold breath on the back of my neck that sends a jolt of helplessness down my extremities.
“ How many times have you spotted me today? ”
The entities wicked, playful expression grows further into malice with every moment that I remain silent. Please, anyone tell me what I should do. I’m scared that I may see its form in full detail if I don't keep my eyes on my phone. Quite honestly, I don't even think that I have the peace of mind to answer its question.
Please, please help me. Maybe I’m thinking in a dissociative manner but if I die tonight then I’ll never be able to spend time with my cat, my best friend, ever again. I’m not ready to die this way. Every moment that I remain silent is a moment closer to the unknown, and I don't know what to say.
#entertainment
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I have a beloved family pet. A cat, Alfredson. Fun fact, we’re almost the exact same age. Lately, despite his old age he’s been very energetic. Alfredson (perhaps satisfying some ancient and until now dormant instinct of his kind) cannot stop preforming back-flips right in the very corner of my left eye.
I still live with my parents, but its okay because I just graduated high school. Just yesterday I did, actually. I don’t have any plan on moving out anytime soon, mostly because I’m afraid that I wont be alive to pack my belongings. Alfredson is the deserved name of a proper old house cat. Really a exquisite sounding name. Whoever this luxurious cat was, his name was quietly stolen from him, and given to the kitten that my parents and I had picked up on the side of the road in 2005. From that day onward, this cat *lived.*
Alfredson is old, but he’s never shrimped out like most cats his age. Quite honestly, hes about as energetic and playful as a cat you may have adopted at a young age just last year. This, I assume is because of my parents rigorous scheduling- as he gets fed at the same time every day and night. Same amount. Dude gets great exercise too. This is because I’m unemployed and practically spend every waking moment with him. We’re best friends, or perhaps our bond is more acquainted to sibling-ship. These are the reasons that I believe Alfredson seems like he just isn’t aging. As of just tonight though, I think I have another reason. A reason that doesn't quite make as much sense.
I’m sitting here now, under my covers in bed. It’s a **nerve-racking** experience even keeping my eyes open to type this out.. I’ve pulled the covers over my head just to… just see if I can see anything out of the corner of my eye…I guess. I mean, well… Ill explain:
*I believe that my life has ended before it ever really had the chance to truly begin.*
Wednesday morning I had woken up and like many of my kind, skipped a morning shower to instead immediately get on my computer before I had to attend the last day of my high school experience. In which, I couldn’t have cared less about. Mainly I was just focused on getting my livestream set up for later on when I got out of school. See, both of my parents know that I usually don’t like to be bothered when I’m streaming so this means that if I start streaming the minute I come home from school they wont bother me as much. This game plan I had been perfecting for years.
I swiveled my chair around to face my bed and my eyes dawned upon my glorious Alfredson. I verbally acknowledged his big stretch and yawn while he sprawled himself across the bed, right in the spot where I had been laying. This isn’t quite so out of the norm for him, I guess he just likes that I keep his spot warm all through the night so he can reclaim it when I leave in the morning. I continue to click away while suddenly I notice Alfredson just in the corner of my eye, sitting on the floor looking up at me. Now, I didn’t know what the hell he wanted but at the moment I was a little busy so I just dismissed him with a
“Just a sec, buddy.”
Without even moving my eyes from my monitor, just out of the corner of my eye- I saw Acrobat Alfredson launch himself into the air, do an actual fucking back-flip and land on his feet like it wasn’t no-thang. Now, I hadn’t *seen* it- but I had at least perceived it in my peripheral vision. I had never seen my cat do something quite that articulate. I mean, sure- he’s an energetic guy. But the thing is…hes big. Like…mane-coon big. This cat, if I were to hang him upside down could probably cover the length of my torso, down to my kneecaps. Cats this big just don’t *suddenly* do perfect fucking back-flips.
This transpiration obviously peaked my attention as I cocked my head to face Alfredson. As soon as I laid my full, undivided gaze on him— he had just as quickly resumed his previous position. Sitting down on the ground, looking up at me. Although most of the time this was an attempt at getting me to run his auto-feeder so he can have a little more grub, something was a little off this time. That look in his eyes, like he was trying to tell me something. I took out my phone and mashed the screen to open up my camera as soon as humanly possible. I started recording Alfredson just sitting there, just in case he decided to pop another flip. Personally, I’d love to have that video to see it in all its glory.
A few minutes went by, nothing. I’m felt a little disappointed but I did manage to get a video of him sitting there and looking cute. I rewarded him for a job well done with a pat on the head which he generously returned to me by rubbing the side of his face by my fingers. About 20 minutes pass, and I’m getting dressed for school. As I was trifling through my messy walk in closet I made sure to open up my phones camera and leave it on my bed that's about 5 feet away… Just in case this cat got any funny ideas- I was gonna be the one to catch it on video.
I gave the shirt on my closet floor a proper smell test before stretching it over my head and onto my body. Just as I pulled the last of the cotton out of the way of my eyes- it happens again. My cat launched himself off the floor only to crescendo in a beautiful display of agility, quickly flipping through the air and promptly landing on his feet. My head instantly darts towards Alfredson while I jump onto my bed to get my camera out. Alfredson, after performing this feat once again, resumes to sit down and look at me like I’m having some sort of heart attack.
Well, another few minutes went by to no avail. This cat ain’t giving away any of his secrets, despite my desperate pleas and bargaining for him to do it again. When I realized that Alfredson had not a thought in his brain about the current situation, due to his constant and unbreakable gaze, I gave up once-more. I put my phone in my pocket and continued my “routine”. In the time it had taken me to get the rest of my things together, eat a bowl of cereal and head for the door I had already forgotten about the events that had transpired in my room with the cat. While making sure I had everything ready to go, I decided to head back into my room to say goodbye to Alfredson.
I open the door to my room and there is… sitting in the exact same spot. This struck me as quite odd, since hes usually lounging on my bed by now. No, he was sitting… right where I last saw him. It looks like he hadn’t moved an inch. His head was still looking upwards- like he was still looking at my phone camera after I caught him bust that *sick ass move.*
“Yo, weirdo!” I exclaim to him.
This is when things start getting weird, and I hate to say that they don't stop getting weird. Like some malfunctioning pet of the bicentennial man, Alfredson started side-eying me- he didn’t move a single bone in his body. I could see his little green eyes dart over to look at me. While this made me fairly uncomfortable and off-put- its a fucking cat. The worst the guy is going to do is scratch me. I got down to his level and crawled over to him playfully, this usually riles him up good. This time, he did not move an inch.
“Ok, *weirdo.* I’m outta here.”
I swiftly and aggressively gave him a kiss on his soft head before running away and leaving that fucker in the dust. I ran into the hallway, and then the kitchen. Backpack? Check. Switch? Check. Phone? Check. My backpack was promptly discarded upon memory that this is in fact my graduation day. Being an only child you’d assume my parents would be ecstatic today however my father unfortunately could not be bothered to take the day off work. I’d say the same case for my mother but… at least she's swinging by on her lunch break. I’m way more okay with this than you’d expect. I placed my hand on the doorknob.
And just as waves come crashing with the tide, my goddamn cat appeared out of the blue in my peripheral vision and proceeded to land the smoothest back flip I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m torn between how mad I am that I can never quite catch him in my sight and witness this feat with my full gaze, and how frustrating it is getting it on video. Either way, I had no time for this so on my way I was.
I can’t drive, so I strut to the buss stop with the utmost confidence. Now, this isn’t a school bus I was taking- mind you. This was a city bus that happens to stop nearby my high-school. I can’t take a school bus anymore since my house is technically within walking range of the school. The bus, that was screeching to a stop in front of me was enormous. The exhaust always invades my personal space, so I hurried on as fast as possible. Upon boarding, something happened in my peripheral vision which I don't give a thought. Probably just because of the exchange that the exhaust just had with my face.
I spent around 10 minutes hunched over my switch, tuning out the rest of the noise made by the passengers.
“Yo, weirdo!” a shout comes to visit my ears, over the hard blue plastic seats of the city bus.
With an intensity I would quickly equate to being violently dragged out of a sensory deprivation tank after taking a heroic dose of psilocybin mushrooms, my mind managed to break free from the trance that Mario Kart had me in. Just as I made this motion with my head, and swiveled it around to see the source of the noise I had heard, I saw a beige shimmer in the corner of my eye— followed by a flourish that I had been all to familiar seeing in my peripheral vision all day. Right on the seat across from me, I swear I saw Alfredson do another back-flip, landing elegantly right on the back of the seat.
Before I could question if what I had just caught a glance of in the corner of my eye was even real or not, the source of the dialogue that had been directed towards me was busy making his grand entrance.
“You hearing me?” My friend, Eddy was standing over me and signing for me to scoot over so he can sit down next to me. He was holding his grad gown in a plastic cover, which promptly reminded me that I had forgotten my own.
“Yeah… Hey Ed, I heard you. Just distracted by my switch, I guess.”
“You’re ready for today, yeah?” Eddy looked over to me, making direct eye contact. I can tell neither of us are too excited.
“Yeah… sure.” I exhale. As soon as I let my breath out, it happened again. This time on one of the seats that I could see in my peripheral vision, left of Eddy’s face. And this time, I was sure. That had to be my *fucking* cat on the bus. Christ. How did he get here? He followed me all the way to the bus stop without my noticing? Hell, how didn’t anyone else notice? I mean, this is a BIG cat I have.
“Well, it doesn't really look like you’re ready, where's your gown?” Ed sneered.
I let out a distracted exhale, between a laugh and a sigh. Alfredson seemed to have slipped out of my sight again, and if he was on this bus he could get stolen or hurt. If he really was on the bus, I needed to do something about it. I would miss a thousand graduations if it meant he was safe.
“I forgot it at home, I’ll have to um… call my parents so they can bring it to me.”
Before Eddy had the chance to continue, I stood up and begun to navigate around him. I needed to get to the bus driver and let her know the situation so I could look for my **damn-ass cat** on this **damn-ass buss.** I thought Alfredson must have been scared out of his mind.
Unfortunately, talking to the bus driver was akin to speaking with a brick wall. I don't know if she couldn’t hear me or what— but I’m really not that much of an assertive person. This resulted in me crawling down the dirt-caked aisle, looking under all the seats for my cat. Despite all the weird looks I got, I still could not find Alfredson. My stunt was also a little much for more than a few passengers on the bus which I couldn't be bothered with at that particular moment. After passing Eddy, he remarked about my behavior as to which I poorly explained to him my situation.
“Yeah, I ain’t seen no damn cat on this bus. Dude, your shirt is filthy. Also, the bus driver told you to stop crawling through the aisle like 4 times before you actually stopped. Not sure if you heard that or not.” Eddy condescendingly explains to my rather confused self. I make sure to let him know I disregarded what he had said with my body language.
However crazy and ridiculous it may sound- I’m *sure* that I had seen Alfredson do a back-flip on that bus. Sure, it wasn't a full gaze in direct line of sight but… I don't know. It *couldn’t* have been him, but it **had** to be him. Something had started to really not set right with me about what I was constantly seeing in my peripheral.
After a few more moments of resuming my journey seated on the bus and letting my head slap against the window at gods free will we had arrived at our destination. Our school had a separate building for performing arts where our graduation took place. Talents shows, band concerts, that sort of thing. A very size-able brick building with a giant dome glass design for a roof like a miniature football field.
I trotted down the steps of the bus and plant myself onto the concrete below, walking a few steps to clear the door for other passengers that are exiting. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and turned it on, I had left the gallery app open. I’m greeted with what was seemingly the photos and videos of Alfredson I had taken this morning trying to catch him doing his stunt but… something was different about all these photos.
I mean, the entire batch of photos and videos. Everything was just like normal, the POV of the photos and videos were as to what I had remembered shooting this morning but… Alfredson just wasn't there. Its almost like I was taking a video of thin air, expecting it to move or do something. I’m surely not going crazy, right? I mean its not such a reach to think it just some weird glitch or…cyber attack? Well, maybe cyber attack would be a reaching explanation, however- whatever could make sense of the situation I had found myself in - I was willing to believe. I remember thinking to myself;
*I’m too young to go crazy, already.*
As to the reason I had pulled out my phone, I dialed up my mother.
“Hey, Marcus?”
“Hi Mom, hey I forgot my gown by accident could you like… drop it off for me whenever you get to the ceremony?” I meekly say while I pinch myself.
My mother answers with a disapproving and offended noise
“*Marcus*, fine. I cant believe you would forget that!”
“Yeah mom, I just got distracted this morning and I guess I’ve kinda been off all day is all.” I couldn’t even begin to explain this to her.
“That's because of the computer, you shouldn’t be on it so much.” Snark had now invaded the conversation.
“No, its cuzza the cat. Never-mind, see you soon. Love you.”
“Love you too, bye bye *young man.*”
Actually not that painful of a call to make, all things considered. From then on I wish I could say things got better- but nothing got better at all. Graduation luckily went off more or less without a hitch for every single person bar me. There I had been seated aside all my peers, people I’ve known for years- maybe a friend or two. None of them seeing what I’m seeing. The intensity and consistency of my presumed hallucination just kept increasing and increasing. I was seeing Alfredson everywhere. Just out of the very corner of my eye. I couldn't go 5 minutes without perceiving the damn cat flourish in the air like I had seen this morning. Sitting in my seat, sweating as names are being called left and right for all of the other kids. It felt like a fever dream.
That's when I found out *the trick*. As I was sitting there locked in my seat, horrified to look anywhere besides directly in front of me- I realized this;
If shut my eyes just tight enough, Alfredson would cease to exist in my peripheral. As I discover this, my name is called. I was panicking because my name had just been called to accept my diploma, but I was also overjoyed that I had seemingly figured out how to stop whatever I was experiencing from happening. I just had to squeeze my eyes ever so tightly, and it will all stop. All until I of course have to open them again.
My ceremony wraps up, I didn't speak to anyone- let alone Eddy or the other friend I have. Quite honestly I couldn't bare to have my eyes open for as long as I was required to keep them open to convince others that I’m a normal human being. At the earliest possible moment there I was to leave I approached my mom.
“Can we go home now? I took the bus here and I wanna go now if that's alright.” I’m positive that she could see through me and sense the stress in my voice.
“But honey, the event just ended- I haven’t even gotten to talk to Mrs. Smithy yet!” My mom pleaded.
“I’m just feeling like really bad, I think I’m getting really sick or something.” I say in a shakier voice than I anticipated. Something about this situation I was in was starting to really scare me. Mostly I was worried I was experiencing some sort of psychotic break. In which- I really just wanted to go home and see my cat with my own two eyes— instead of just the corner of my eye.
I had my eyes shut tight the entire way home. To my mother, it perhaps looked like I was having some sort of breakdown because I was leaving high school but I had ensured her that I was fine and just tired enough to nap in the car on the way home. Just as I had expected- our arrival at my house warranted my eyes to open once-more as I open the car door, step out and make my way up my long driveway. As I’m walking towards my front door in a hurried manner (much to my mothers sudden confusion) I can only think to have one eye closed. I mean, one eye closed is better than no eyes closed in this situation, right?
Just as I had thought I was getting a hang of “The rules” of my new condition, and just as I had reached the threshold of my doorway- Alfredson proves me wrong of this previous notion by appearing in the corner of the one eye I had opened- and promptly doing what he does best. To my surprise this caught me off guard enough to clip the very end of my foot on the threshold. I then ate shit in my entranceway and I took a mental note at that moment that I had never fallen in that exact place before in all the years my family had lived there.
“Oh, honey!” I heard my moms high heels clopping on the cement coming towards my, at the moment, shiftless self.
“You okay, doll?”
“Yeah, I’m good thanks.. Just tripped!” I said as I picked myself back up.
As soon as I could, I withdrew myself from the exchange with my mother and rushed to my room, making sure to keep at least one eye closed. I twist the knob, swing open the door with a considerable amount of vigor and witness…
***Alfredson.*** In his usual spot. Laying on my bed and looking at me with a peculiar sense of bewilderment- probably because I had gotten home so early and he wasn't expecting me to crash his “me-time”. I rush over to him and grab him up in my arms, plant a kiss on his head before playfully swinging him upside down and walking around the room.
“Well, thank god you’re safe.”
In the remaining hours, not a single moment had gone by where I let Alfredson out of my sight. Unfortunately my streaming plans for the night were now a wash— but I’d rather avoid some sort of psych break in front of a live audience. From the time I had gotten home to the time I had crawled into bed- *nothing happened.* It was refreshing. It just so happened that if I could just keep Alfredson in my direct line of sight— then everything would stop in my peripheral. All things considered, I was pretty happy— although I knew it wasn’t a permanent solution. This realization then scared me into wanting this day to come to an end.
Everything I have expressed here, leads to now. Maybe 20 minutes ago when I had started typing this out on my phone, curled up in bed. See, I thought I’d figured out “The rules” but… I couldn’t see Alfredson in the dark anymore. He had to be in my room but… I didn’t know where. The bright illumination of my phone screen contrasts with the washed out blue textures of my dark room, and as soon as my mind makes this connection- I can see Alfredson bust another one of his signature back flips in the corner of my eye- near where my computer setup would be.
I quickly snapped my head to look towards the spot and reprimand my cat.
“Alfred! Get down!” I quietly shout.
Alfredson is not where my peripheral vision had led me to believe. Almost as soon as I had shouted, I feel movement between my legs. As I look back from my computer desk to my bed- I see Alfredson, obviously irritated, look up at me as if to say “What are you talking about? I’m not doing anything wrong!”.
This sets off multiple signals in my brain. I look back over to my computer desk. Nothing. It happens again, this time in my peripheral- on top of my dresser. My head is starting to hurt from the frustration and dread that I feel. I feel if I were to try and get up from my bed, *something* wasn’t going to let me make it to my door. What this “something” is, I am not sure- which is why I am not moving. I tuck my head under the covers to nullify any real vision other than just my blanket and my phone screen. I’m shaking so bad that I’m having a hard time consecrating on what I’m typing.
Hold my eyes shut
Deep breath
Open my eyes
Tell my story
Repeat cycle.
This had been working, until now. I’m no longer seeing my old, silly cat do back-flips in my peripheral anymore. Now what I’m seeing is much more… red. Constant. I can see two eyes that instill a lonely feeling inside of me. I can see a pair of crimson stained lips snarling in my peripheral to accompany this pair of destitute, dry eyes. Nothing I do matters anymore. No matter how frantically I move my weary pupils, it doesn't leave my peripheral. Staring, not looking away. Better yet, when I close my eyes- it speaks to me.
“ ^(Look) ^(at) ^(me) ” it whispers. Even with my eyes closed, I can still see it. This time, somehow, in even more grotesque detail.
“ How many times have you spotted me today? ” Its mouth does not move when it whispers, but I swear that I can see its tongue slithering behind its giant, yellow crusty teeth.
I begin to silently weep as my irrational thought causes me to go back and correct spelling errors I had made while my fingers slipped across my phone screen that's covered in tears.
“ ^(Look) ^(at) ^(me) ” I feel a cold breath on the back of my neck that sends a jolt of helplessness down my extremities.
“ How many times have you spotted me today? ”
The entities wicked, playful expression grows further into malice with every moment that I remain silent. Please, anyone tell me what I should do. I’m scared that I may see its form in full detail if I don't keep my eyes on my phone. Quite honestly, I don't even think that I have the peace of mind to answer its question.
Please, please help me. Maybe I’m thinking in a dissociative manner but if I die tonight then I’ll never be able to spend time with my cat, my best friend, ever again. I’m not ready to die this way. Every moment that I remain silent is a moment closer to the unknown, and I don't know what to say.
#entertainment
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