My estranged father tried to apologize to me and idk how…
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My estranged father tried to apologize to me and idk how to process this.
Hi everyone,I came out to my family as a lesbian when I was 16. I came out to both of them at different times as they were already separated. My parents were very shocked but my mom took it extremely well. My dad did not... I knew this was going to be hard since my father was always a christian conservative man. He essentially disowned me and hence only lived with my mother full time. We all lived in South Carolina at the time.
After 5 years I am now a vet student in California. My dad suddenly texted me saying he got my number from a family member(not my mom). He texted me saying how he wants to see me and stuff. I was mostly shocked, I told him I needed some space. I was thinking about this for about 3 weeks. I then gave him my 'address' and told him to come here, if he wants to see me as I was busy. He agrees. Two weeks later he drives from SC to California to my house when it is really my friend's house. I then opened the door for him. He started crying and apologized and said how he was wrong and his views changed and stuff and he’s more progressive. I let him finish his opening. Then I said “ okay, so this isn’t actually my house but my friends house, please get out of my house. I wanted to tell you face to face that I don’t want to see you again". He tries apologizing and stuff but it was awkward and eventually he just leaves. The truth is I wanted to waste his time by traveling across the country to apologize when I knew I just wanted to say "no" to him tell him to leave me alone. As bad as this sounds I saw this as a powermove when I first planned this. I now regret this, not for not forgiving him but for wasting his time when I knew I wasn't going to stay in contact with him.
I hate that I did this. He wasn't the best father but I feel bad for making him sad. I really don't think I can forgive and don't want any contact right now but I am kinda sad for not wanting to forgive him if that makes sense. Has anyone ever forgiven there parents for doing something like this?
A bit more information on why I don't think I can forgive him.
1. I came out to my mom and dad but got opposite reactions. My dad makes almost 3x more than my mom and he left her to raise me after 16. My mom was there for graduations, relationship advice, my swim meets,went to college and now vet school because of my mom. My dad was not there. Whenever I think of my dad, I automatically compare him to my mom and it gets me angry and saddens me.
2. My mom also grew up in a similar environment as my dad but was able to put her views aside years before me coming out. My dad on the other hand put his politics and religion before me.
3. It made me sad and mad to think it took him 5 years to reach out to me.
4. He was kinda okay with me being atheist but not a lesbian. This kinda threw me off, his religious values were okay with me not being queer but okay with me being an atheist? This makes me seem there was more to this the his religious upbringing.
#lifestyle
source
Hi everyone,I came out to my family as a lesbian when I was 16. I came out to both of them at different times as they were already separated. My parents were very shocked but my mom took it extremely well. My dad did not... I knew this was going to be hard since my father was always a christian conservative man. He essentially disowned me and hence only lived with my mother full time. We all lived in South Carolina at the time.
After 5 years I am now a vet student in California. My dad suddenly texted me saying he got my number from a family member(not my mom). He texted me saying how he wants to see me and stuff. I was mostly shocked, I told him I needed some space. I was thinking about this for about 3 weeks. I then gave him my 'address' and told him to come here, if he wants to see me as I was busy. He agrees. Two weeks later he drives from SC to California to my house when it is really my friend's house. I then opened the door for him. He started crying and apologized and said how he was wrong and his views changed and stuff and he’s more progressive. I let him finish his opening. Then I said “ okay, so this isn’t actually my house but my friends house, please get out of my house. I wanted to tell you face to face that I don’t want to see you again". He tries apologizing and stuff but it was awkward and eventually he just leaves. The truth is I wanted to waste his time by traveling across the country to apologize when I knew I just wanted to say "no" to him tell him to leave me alone. As bad as this sounds I saw this as a powermove when I first planned this. I now regret this, not for not forgiving him but for wasting his time when I knew I wasn't going to stay in contact with him.
I hate that I did this. He wasn't the best father but I feel bad for making him sad. I really don't think I can forgive and don't want any contact right now but I am kinda sad for not wanting to forgive him if that makes sense. Has anyone ever forgiven there parents for doing something like this?
A bit more information on why I don't think I can forgive him.
1. I came out to my mom and dad but got opposite reactions. My dad makes almost 3x more than my mom and he left her to raise me after 16. My mom was there for graduations, relationship advice, my swim meets,went to college and now vet school because of my mom. My dad was not there. Whenever I think of my dad, I automatically compare him to my mom and it gets me angry and saddens me.
2. My mom also grew up in a similar environment as my dad but was able to put her views aside years before me coming out. My dad on the other hand put his politics and religion before me.
3. It made me sad and mad to think it took him 5 years to reach out to me.
4. He was kinda okay with me being atheist but not a lesbian. This kinda threw me off, his religious values were okay with me not being queer but okay with me being an atheist? This makes me seem there was more to this the his religious upbringing.
#lifestyle
source
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