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The Shit I Smoked Brought Me To A Forgotten Place
My life wasn't always like this. I could so vividly remember a time when I was happy, unburdened by the world.
But that felt like it was a lifetime ago.
Now I find myself at the back of my local McDonald's near the dumpsters. Buying from a guy who looks worn down and exhausted. His grey and sullen face, blackened veins worming beneath his skin. He sold me an ounce for so cheap that I could not refuse it.
I went home after my shift that day. I'd looked forward to rolling myself a joint since I'd bought it. I stepped into my silent apartment, it was as though I'd left the world behind, and the silence carried the crushing weight of solitude.
Looking at the single framed picture on my wall of me and my old high school friends, a pang of loneliness hit me. Feeling the scars that littered my body, I felt like complete garbage but I knew just the thing to fix my mood.
I flopped down on my bed and took the bag of weed out of my coat pocket. It didn't look like any weed I'd seen before. As I took it out, a sweet, flowery smell filled my nostrils and clung to the back of my throat. The paper crinkled in my fingers as I rolled my joint. When I was finished, I lay back on my bed and lit it.
A sickly sweet taste filled my mouth and throat causing me to nearly gag but as the first drag filled my burning lungs, the high was immediate
Complete euphoria.
My problems melted away along with the rest of the world.
Before I knew it I was enveloped by darkness.
I woke up to the sun beating down on my face. I was in a garden, colorful flowers were everywhere.
The air felt clean and fresh as it filled my lungs. For the first time in a while, I'd felt light, unburdened from the world.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?”
The voice was soft and calm. I sat up and looked around, searching for who spoke when I saw her. Her hair was auburn like the first leaves of autumn, she had pale blue eyes like the oceans' crashing tides, she was strikingly beautiful, and I found myself at a loss for words.
“I… I… I… uhm I don't know how I got here, I was just in my bedroom…” the words came out shaky and filled with confusion.
“That doesn't tell me who you are?” Her tone aired with the beginning notes of impatience.
“I'm Thomas. Where are we? And who are you?” I said rolling onto my knees before planting my hands down and standing.
Her face softened before she spoke again.
“Well, Thomas, you aren't supposed to be here, and as for me, I'm the keeper of this garden.”
She produced a porcelain watering can from her flowing white robe and gently poured the contents onto the flowers before she started walking further down the path. I followed, and soon we were surrounded by marvellous statues of people made of dark grey marble, with branching dark veins.
“Well, since you're here, I suppose you can keep me company while I tend to these grounds.” Her words came out light and playful seeming to pull me along behind her.
“Are you all alone out here? Where's everyone else?”
“They've all gone. But that was a long long time ago.” Her words carried a weight of gravity and seriousness that wordlessly told me not to question further. We walked in silence for a while, past a large hedge maze and a thicket of trees. Before she turned to me once more, with a warm smile she spoke.
“unfortunately I think it's your time to go… promise me you'll be back…” She looked at me with a worry in her eyes that begged for reassurance, her mouth flickered open as though there was more to say but she stopped herself before she could speak further.
“I promise.” I looked her in the eyes as I spoke the words, meaning every syllable that came forth from my mouth, as I found myself lost in her eyes, like staring up into the pale blue sky on a sunny day.
Beep
Beep
Beep
I woke up in my shitty apartment and rolled over to shut the alarm off. The air was humid and I was caked in clammy cold sweat.
I smelled and felt like shit, my mind a groggy mess.
I sorted through the clutter in my room, looking for any decently clean clothes. Judging by the time I wouldn’t have time to shower before heading off to work.
As I left my apartment and headed for my car a beggar approached me. His dirty, grey, gaunt face and sunken eyes bore into me as he, shakingly, without a word, extended a cup towards me.
“Nah, man. I'm sorry, I don't have any change.”
I brushed past him and got into my car.
“I'm gonna be late again for fuck sakes.”
I pulled out onto the road, watching the man stand there in my rearview mirror. Dark clouds swirled in the sky, painting it a deep shade of grey, hiding the sun.
I pulled up to the job site and was immediately greeted by my foreman's sour face like he'd just smelled shit.
“YOU'RE FUCKING LATE, AGAIN! AND JESUS CHRIST YOU LOOK AND SMELL LIKE SHIT. MAYBE IF YOU SPENT MORE TIME SHOWERING AND SLEEPING INSTEAD OF JACKING OFF ALL NIGHT YOU'D ACTUALLY BE FUCKING USEFUL.” He shouted within an inch of my face, jabbing his finger every so close to my face.
Maybe he had smelled shit, his breath sure could be confused for it. As soon as he finished screaming at me as if right on cue, rain started pouring down.
“It was supposed to be shit weather today, didn't think you'd want us working in this.” The excuse was flimsy at best and I knew coming out of my mouth it would serve nothing but make him angrier.
“I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF GOD'S PISSING DOWN TORRENTIAL DOWN POURS. GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND MOVE, FUCK.”
Something had well and truly fucked up his mood today and I decided I was having none of it.
“You know what man? you can fuck right off, I'm out.”
“THOMAS, IF YOU GET IN YOUR FUCKING CAR YOU BEST NOT COME BACK YOU LITTLE SH…”
I didn't hear the rest as I slammed my door.
Fuck him.
I was starving and my favorite diner was still open. So I figured I'd go there and eat something before going out to look for another job.
The normally quiet diner was completely packed. I had to wait nearly half an hour to get a seat, but I told myself it would all be worth it since the food was my favourite.
I sat down and saw the beggar across the diner staring daggers at me. I hadn’t noticed it before but we bore a striking resemblance to one another.
God, I need a shave. I told myself brushing it off as just that.
When my breakfast finally got to my table, after what felt like forever. I was sorely disappointed looking down at the grey eggs, half-cooked bacon and soggy potatoes. I was starving so I didn't think I could send it back and wait any longer, so I ate the bland, cold food.
I was already so tired again.
Tired in a way I could feel in my bones, in every muscle fiber. Like I had a crushing weight on top of me and I could hardly breathe.
But I was happy, because I knew what was waiting for me at home.
I knew it would make me feel better.
I rolled it in record time and lit it. I was once again greeted by the sickly sweet taste. But I welcomed it this time and it wasn't long before I drifted off.
I was back in the garden, the beautiful garden where everything was always nice.
I was once more filled with an unburdened, lightened feeling of pure joy.
I looked around but couldn't see the gardener. A voice came from behind me, small and timid.
There, behind me, was a little girl.
“You shouldn't be here, it's not safe. If the monster sees you it'll turn you to stone like it did to the others.” She'd looked so scared, half hiding behind a bush of flowers.
“Are you talking about the gardening lady?” I asked her, bending down to her level.
“No, the monster…it… it turned them all to stone, we tried to stop it. Tried to reason with it but its heart of stone could not be reasoned with.”
“What? How could I be in any danger? This isn't even real. I'm in bed dreaming right now.”
“Is that what you think this is? You clearly don’t understand. Leave! now!” Her words were hurried, panicked. Her fear sank into my gut like a knife.
“Thomas! You came back!” The voice was bright and cheerful. I whipped around to see the gardener. She truly was so beautiful that every other worry seemed to melt away.
I turned back around towards where the girl had been, but she was gone.
“Did you see the girl?” I asked the gardener perplexed by everything that had just happened.
“No, I didn't see anyone. No one else is here but you and me.” Her eyebrows lifted in confusion as she spoke.
“She said I was in danger, that there's a monster that turned everyone to stone?”
“Oh, what a load of nonsense. You're perfectly safe here. Come, I have something to show you.”
She took my hand and led me down the winding garden path. She took me to the garden of statues. To an empty platform with a name engraved in gold.
It was my name.
“I want to make you a statue, so you can always be here and you'll never have to be alone again.” Her eyes bore into me. I could feel them on my back.
I spoke without looking away, absorbed by the pedestal. For the first time since I was here, it felt like something was wrong and I was filled with an awful dread.
I could see a horrid smile plastered over her face as though she was trying to present herself as happy to hide something deeper.
“I… I have to go.”
I could see her in the corner of my eye.
Her smile dropped at once.
For a moment I could swear her face turned as black as night. I could feel the rage that radiated from her glare.
I slowly turned to look at her.
Ever so slowly.
She was back to normal, that same smile plastered over her face but her eyes betrayed her intentions.
“Ok, Thomas. But remember you promised you'd be back. You're not a liar, right? Thomas?” Every word was deliberate, threatening.
“I'll see you again.”
Her last words before I woke back up in my bed. I woke up in cold sweats, my entire body was sore and cramping. I rushed over to my bathroom as an eruption of black and brown sludge spewed from my mouth.
When it finally stopped, and I got up, I caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror.
I could hardly recognize myself.
My skin was a pale grey, and my veins had darkened, peering from beneath my skin like the roots of a tree, a long patchy bread hung from my chin.
It looked like I had aged twenty years.
I was bed ridden for days after that, in excruciating, feverish agony like my whole body was on fire.
I tried.
I tried so hard, but I couldn't take it anymore.
I would rather die happy, than live in this nightmare. Besides, what was I afraid of? It was just a dream.
It was all just a dream.
It had to be.
Because I was going back.
I was greeted by the sweet smell of summer flowers turned to rot. The sky was grey and the air smelled of rain.
“Why'd you come back? I told you not to. Why can't you just listen? Are you dumb?” It was the child again this time clearly frustrated.
“I… uh…”
“Just follow me. There's something I need to show you since you won't listen.”
She led me through the thicket of trees, somewhere I hadn't been before. Amongst the trees was a small clearing with a large fountain with a statue of a man. Water streamed from his mouth.
“Look at the base of the fountain.”
I looked and saw crude engravings.
It depicted a woman being worshiped before a dark shape came and split the woman into two. The woman and the darkness became one. The people turned their backs to her and were turned into the stone statues that decorated the garden.
“We were one before you know. We were worshipped, loved. We were good. But then the monster came and it changed us. The people saw she'd changed. They feared her so they turned away from her, so she turned them all to stone. She made them into those macabre statues in the garden. The people who'd loved her most. He was the first she turned to stone.” She pointed at the statue of a man in the fountain.
“Her closest friend. Her lover.”
The child vanished once more and left me alone with my thoughts .
I stood in silence watching the autumn leaves fall into the fountain water.
I envied them peacefully drifting through the air and water, unburdened, unaware of the world that surrounded it.
“So now you know.” The voice had been undeniably hers but it was all wrong. Her voice was grave and gurgling.
I turned and was met with a walking corpse. Its blackened, rotting, leathery flesh crinkled as she walked towards me. She had no eyes as maggots filled the empty sockets, spilling out of her mouth at every word.
“We could've been happy together. It didn't have to be this way but you just couldn't let it be and now you'll leave me like everyone else.”
She leaped onto me and we fell into the fountain water. She pushed my head underwater as I flailed, trying my best to break free.
I watched helplessly as my hands began to turn to stone. It inched down my arms numbing every millimeter it gained.
“I just wanted us to be happy. This is all your fault.” Her words were filled with spit and spite. I brought my feet up to her chest and kicked her off. She fell backwards into the water as I gasped for air.
“Stop! Please! You don't have to be this. Look at what you've become, can you blame them for turning their backs on you?”
She saw her face in the water's reflection, an awful visage of rotting flesh stared back at her. Tears ran out her wet, rotting cheeks.
“We aren't our mistakes. You don't have to be the monster.”
Then it was just her again, she didn't look up at me, only murmured.
“Get out.”
I woke up for the last time in my bedroom. The wind made the curtains sway through the open window. The sun peered through and I went over to it, feeling its warmth on my skin.
I'd only wished to feel its warmth on my heart of stone.
#entertainment
source
My life wasn't always like this. I could so vividly remember a time when I was happy, unburdened by the world.
But that felt like it was a lifetime ago.
Now I find myself at the back of my local McDonald's near the dumpsters. Buying from a guy who looks worn down and exhausted. His grey and sullen face, blackened veins worming beneath his skin. He sold me an ounce for so cheap that I could not refuse it.
I went home after my shift that day. I'd looked forward to rolling myself a joint since I'd bought it. I stepped into my silent apartment, it was as though I'd left the world behind, and the silence carried the crushing weight of solitude.
Looking at the single framed picture on my wall of me and my old high school friends, a pang of loneliness hit me. Feeling the scars that littered my body, I felt like complete garbage but I knew just the thing to fix my mood.
I flopped down on my bed and took the bag of weed out of my coat pocket. It didn't look like any weed I'd seen before. As I took it out, a sweet, flowery smell filled my nostrils and clung to the back of my throat. The paper crinkled in my fingers as I rolled my joint. When I was finished, I lay back on my bed and lit it.
A sickly sweet taste filled my mouth and throat causing me to nearly gag but as the first drag filled my burning lungs, the high was immediate
Complete euphoria.
My problems melted away along with the rest of the world.
Before I knew it I was enveloped by darkness.
I woke up to the sun beating down on my face. I was in a garden, colorful flowers were everywhere.
The air felt clean and fresh as it filled my lungs. For the first time in a while, I'd felt light, unburdened from the world.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?”
The voice was soft and calm. I sat up and looked around, searching for who spoke when I saw her. Her hair was auburn like the first leaves of autumn, she had pale blue eyes like the oceans' crashing tides, she was strikingly beautiful, and I found myself at a loss for words.
“I… I… I… uhm I don't know how I got here, I was just in my bedroom…” the words came out shaky and filled with confusion.
“That doesn't tell me who you are?” Her tone aired with the beginning notes of impatience.
“I'm Thomas. Where are we? And who are you?” I said rolling onto my knees before planting my hands down and standing.
Her face softened before she spoke again.
“Well, Thomas, you aren't supposed to be here, and as for me, I'm the keeper of this garden.”
She produced a porcelain watering can from her flowing white robe and gently poured the contents onto the flowers before she started walking further down the path. I followed, and soon we were surrounded by marvellous statues of people made of dark grey marble, with branching dark veins.
“Well, since you're here, I suppose you can keep me company while I tend to these grounds.” Her words came out light and playful seeming to pull me along behind her.
“Are you all alone out here? Where's everyone else?”
“They've all gone. But that was a long long time ago.” Her words carried a weight of gravity and seriousness that wordlessly told me not to question further. We walked in silence for a while, past a large hedge maze and a thicket of trees. Before she turned to me once more, with a warm smile she spoke.
“unfortunately I think it's your time to go… promise me you'll be back…” She looked at me with a worry in her eyes that begged for reassurance, her mouth flickered open as though there was more to say but she stopped herself before she could speak further.
“I promise.” I looked her in the eyes as I spoke the words, meaning every syllable that came forth from my mouth, as I found myself lost in her eyes, like staring up into the pale blue sky on a sunny day.
Beep
Beep
Beep
I woke up in my shitty apartment and rolled over to shut the alarm off. The air was humid and I was caked in clammy cold sweat.
I smelled and felt like shit, my mind a groggy mess.
I sorted through the clutter in my room, looking for any decently clean clothes. Judging by the time I wouldn’t have time to shower before heading off to work.
As I left my apartment and headed for my car a beggar approached me. His dirty, grey, gaunt face and sunken eyes bore into me as he, shakingly, without a word, extended a cup towards me.
“Nah, man. I'm sorry, I don't have any change.”
I brushed past him and got into my car.
“I'm gonna be late again for fuck sakes.”
I pulled out onto the road, watching the man stand there in my rearview mirror. Dark clouds swirled in the sky, painting it a deep shade of grey, hiding the sun.
I pulled up to the job site and was immediately greeted by my foreman's sour face like he'd just smelled shit.
“YOU'RE FUCKING LATE, AGAIN! AND JESUS CHRIST YOU LOOK AND SMELL LIKE SHIT. MAYBE IF YOU SPENT MORE TIME SHOWERING AND SLEEPING INSTEAD OF JACKING OFF ALL NIGHT YOU'D ACTUALLY BE FUCKING USEFUL.” He shouted within an inch of my face, jabbing his finger every so close to my face.
Maybe he had smelled shit, his breath sure could be confused for it. As soon as he finished screaming at me as if right on cue, rain started pouring down.
“It was supposed to be shit weather today, didn't think you'd want us working in this.” The excuse was flimsy at best and I knew coming out of my mouth it would serve nothing but make him angrier.
“I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF GOD'S PISSING DOWN TORRENTIAL DOWN POURS. GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND MOVE, FUCK.”
Something had well and truly fucked up his mood today and I decided I was having none of it.
“You know what man? you can fuck right off, I'm out.”
“THOMAS, IF YOU GET IN YOUR FUCKING CAR YOU BEST NOT COME BACK YOU LITTLE SH…”
I didn't hear the rest as I slammed my door.
Fuck him.
I was starving and my favorite diner was still open. So I figured I'd go there and eat something before going out to look for another job.
The normally quiet diner was completely packed. I had to wait nearly half an hour to get a seat, but I told myself it would all be worth it since the food was my favourite.
I sat down and saw the beggar across the diner staring daggers at me. I hadn’t noticed it before but we bore a striking resemblance to one another.
God, I need a shave. I told myself brushing it off as just that.
When my breakfast finally got to my table, after what felt like forever. I was sorely disappointed looking down at the grey eggs, half-cooked bacon and soggy potatoes. I was starving so I didn't think I could send it back and wait any longer, so I ate the bland, cold food.
I was already so tired again.
Tired in a way I could feel in my bones, in every muscle fiber. Like I had a crushing weight on top of me and I could hardly breathe.
But I was happy, because I knew what was waiting for me at home.
I knew it would make me feel better.
I rolled it in record time and lit it. I was once again greeted by the sickly sweet taste. But I welcomed it this time and it wasn't long before I drifted off.
I was back in the garden, the beautiful garden where everything was always nice.
I was once more filled with an unburdened, lightened feeling of pure joy.
I looked around but couldn't see the gardener. A voice came from behind me, small and timid.
There, behind me, was a little girl.
“You shouldn't be here, it's not safe. If the monster sees you it'll turn you to stone like it did to the others.” She'd looked so scared, half hiding behind a bush of flowers.
“Are you talking about the gardening lady?” I asked her, bending down to her level.
“No, the monster…it… it turned them all to stone, we tried to stop it. Tried to reason with it but its heart of stone could not be reasoned with.”
“What? How could I be in any danger? This isn't even real. I'm in bed dreaming right now.”
“Is that what you think this is? You clearly don’t understand. Leave! now!” Her words were hurried, panicked. Her fear sank into my gut like a knife.
“Thomas! You came back!” The voice was bright and cheerful. I whipped around to see the gardener. She truly was so beautiful that every other worry seemed to melt away.
I turned back around towards where the girl had been, but she was gone.
“Did you see the girl?” I asked the gardener perplexed by everything that had just happened.
“No, I didn't see anyone. No one else is here but you and me.” Her eyebrows lifted in confusion as she spoke.
“She said I was in danger, that there's a monster that turned everyone to stone?”
“Oh, what a load of nonsense. You're perfectly safe here. Come, I have something to show you.”
She took my hand and led me down the winding garden path. She took me to the garden of statues. To an empty platform with a name engraved in gold.
It was my name.
“I want to make you a statue, so you can always be here and you'll never have to be alone again.” Her eyes bore into me. I could feel them on my back.
I spoke without looking away, absorbed by the pedestal. For the first time since I was here, it felt like something was wrong and I was filled with an awful dread.
I could see a horrid smile plastered over her face as though she was trying to present herself as happy to hide something deeper.
“I… I have to go.”
I could see her in the corner of my eye.
Her smile dropped at once.
For a moment I could swear her face turned as black as night. I could feel the rage that radiated from her glare.
I slowly turned to look at her.
Ever so slowly.
She was back to normal, that same smile plastered over her face but her eyes betrayed her intentions.
“Ok, Thomas. But remember you promised you'd be back. You're not a liar, right? Thomas?” Every word was deliberate, threatening.
“I'll see you again.”
Her last words before I woke back up in my bed. I woke up in cold sweats, my entire body was sore and cramping. I rushed over to my bathroom as an eruption of black and brown sludge spewed from my mouth.
When it finally stopped, and I got up, I caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror.
I could hardly recognize myself.
My skin was a pale grey, and my veins had darkened, peering from beneath my skin like the roots of a tree, a long patchy bread hung from my chin.
It looked like I had aged twenty years.
I was bed ridden for days after that, in excruciating, feverish agony like my whole body was on fire.
I tried.
I tried so hard, but I couldn't take it anymore.
I would rather die happy, than live in this nightmare. Besides, what was I afraid of? It was just a dream.
It was all just a dream.
It had to be.
Because I was going back.
I was greeted by the sweet smell of summer flowers turned to rot. The sky was grey and the air smelled of rain.
“Why'd you come back? I told you not to. Why can't you just listen? Are you dumb?” It was the child again this time clearly frustrated.
“I… uh…”
“Just follow me. There's something I need to show you since you won't listen.”
She led me through the thicket of trees, somewhere I hadn't been before. Amongst the trees was a small clearing with a large fountain with a statue of a man. Water streamed from his mouth.
“Look at the base of the fountain.”
I looked and saw crude engravings.
It depicted a woman being worshiped before a dark shape came and split the woman into two. The woman and the darkness became one. The people turned their backs to her and were turned into the stone statues that decorated the garden.
“We were one before you know. We were worshipped, loved. We were good. But then the monster came and it changed us. The people saw she'd changed. They feared her so they turned away from her, so she turned them all to stone. She made them into those macabre statues in the garden. The people who'd loved her most. He was the first she turned to stone.” She pointed at the statue of a man in the fountain.
“Her closest friend. Her lover.”
The child vanished once more and left me alone with my thoughts .
I stood in silence watching the autumn leaves fall into the fountain water.
I envied them peacefully drifting through the air and water, unburdened, unaware of the world that surrounded it.
“So now you know.” The voice had been undeniably hers but it was all wrong. Her voice was grave and gurgling.
I turned and was met with a walking corpse. Its blackened, rotting, leathery flesh crinkled as she walked towards me. She had no eyes as maggots filled the empty sockets, spilling out of her mouth at every word.
“We could've been happy together. It didn't have to be this way but you just couldn't let it be and now you'll leave me like everyone else.”
She leaped onto me and we fell into the fountain water. She pushed my head underwater as I flailed, trying my best to break free.
I watched helplessly as my hands began to turn to stone. It inched down my arms numbing every millimeter it gained.
“I just wanted us to be happy. This is all your fault.” Her words were filled with spit and spite. I brought my feet up to her chest and kicked her off. She fell backwards into the water as I gasped for air.
“Stop! Please! You don't have to be this. Look at what you've become, can you blame them for turning their backs on you?”
She saw her face in the water's reflection, an awful visage of rotting flesh stared back at her. Tears ran out her wet, rotting cheeks.
“We aren't our mistakes. You don't have to be the monster.”
Then it was just her again, she didn't look up at me, only murmured.
“Get out.”
I woke up for the last time in my bedroom. The wind made the curtains sway through the open window. The sun peered through and I went over to it, feeling its warmth on my skin.
I'd only wished to feel its warmth on my heart of stone.
#entertainment
source
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