Focusing on davenning, leining, preparations on Friday, a nice shabbes schluf, all build a reprieve from the overwhelming negative sensibilities that arrive unbidden as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. Usually I can't bring myself to make havdallah, it's too sad to mark the end of Shabbat.
Without the rhythm of Jewish life, I might have succumbed long ago.
Don't get me wrong, my life is good. Very, very, good. It's everything that happened before. Ironically, the better life gets, the deeper the internal unrest.