My friends and I finally tried the old diner on our block...I wish we hadn't.
My girlfriend Amanda and I recently took the next step and moved into a spacious apartment on the outskirts of downtown. We lived on a shady-looking street, and Amanda joked that we were among the block’s first gentrifiers. Still, it felt like home. I grew up in a small, suffocating town, and living in the big city was a nice change. The sounds of police sirens and broken glass would bother most people, but they lulled me to sleep after a long day at work. The idiosyncrasies of our block never bothered me.
But the strangest thing about our new neighborhood was the diner on the corner. It was called *Hamburger Sally’s*, and it was located in the basement of an abandoned apartment building. We thought it was a front. It had to be! We never saw anyone leave or enter the restaurant, even though it claimed to be open 24/7. I sometimes joked about going to check it out, but since Amanda’s a vegetarian, I doubted a place called *Hamburger Sally’s* had many options for her.
I would walk past the diner on my way home from work and wonder if this would be the day I finally take the plunge and order dinner. But something would always prevent me from doing so. I remember standing on the top of the steps leading into the restaurant one day and feeling this odd sensation that I shouldn’t go in. Again, the restaurant was empty, but I smelled fried food cooking on the grill, and the OPEN sign softly hummed. Yet, for some reason, I felt an inexplicable dread that something terrible would happen to me if I went inside. I hurried back home to Amanda and ate leftovers instead.
One night, we had our new friends Victor and Claudia over for drinks. They were about our age and moved into the building shortly before we did. Claudia and Amanda also worked for the same firm but never put two and two together. I had a feeling we would become close.
We were talking about restaurants we wanted to try when Amanda brought up *Hamburger Sally’s*. Claudia’s eyes grew wide. “YES! What is that place? Victor and I always pass by it, but we’ve never gone in.” Victor took a swig of his old-fashioned. “I think it’s used to launder money.”
“That’s what we said!” Amanda yelled with excitement. “I don’t think I know anyone who’s been there.” I paused my lime-cutting to chime in and tell everyone about my recent experience with the restaurant.
“How creepy,” Victor responded. “That makes me want to go even more now.”
“Plus it’s a hole-in-the-wall diner, so the food is probably pretty good,” added Claudia.
“I’ll even try something with meat!” Amanda exclaimed with a giggle.
“Well, it’s settled then,” I said. We planned to do a bar crawl with mutual friends the following weekend. *Hamburger Sallys* would be the perfect spot for some late-night munchies. I passed by it every evening during the week and still felt the same uneasiness from before. Just what the hell was going on in there?
Friday evening came, and we began our bar crawl. I was in a foul mood because I had to finish a last-minute report my boss assigned and couldn’t indulge until the final stop. Victor and Claudia were party animals, and I had some catching up to do. I was on my fourth shot of tequila when the lights in the pub flashed to let us know it was time to close out our tabs.
“Onward to *Sally’s!”* Victor exclaimed, wearing a sea captain’s hat he stole from the tiki bar we had previously visited. We made it back to the train home and soon found ourselves on our block. The restaurant’s faded neon sign flickered: *A JOINT UNLIKE ANY OTHER.*
Victor stumbled down the steps and almost faceplanted into the door, and Claudia rushed to help him. They quickly went inside while Claudia gently scolded Victor. I stood at the top of the steps, still hesitant to go in. My stomach churned, and I could feel my heart begin to pound. I felt like I would be sick but chalked it up to the cheap liquor I had just consumed.
“Pat?” Amanda said, already halfway down the steps. “Come on, slowpoke!” She then descended the stairs and disappeared. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and entered the restaurant.
I was greeted by a familiar warmth and the sounds of Amanda laughing at one of Victor’s jokes. The diner looked a little neglected, with chipped black and white linoleum tile and flickering box lights. There were a couple posters of hot rods from the 1950s, and a few paintings of picturesque landscapes. An ancient jukebox struggled to play *In The Mood* by Glenn Miller.
An elderly gentleman sat at the bar with his back turned to us, methodically taking sips of coffee, while a cigarette slowly burned in an adjacent ash tray. *Guess this place does have customers,* I thought to myself.
“Is there a fucking waiter in this place?” Victor shouted before Claudia shushed him. The sound of oil hitting the grill grew louder, and the man at the table dinged the bell on the bar top. There was a brief silence before a voice yelled from behind the counter.
“COMING!”
A middle-aged woman in a stereotypical diner smock appeared and sauntered over to our table. She pulled out an old pen and notepad and began to take our order.
“What can I. get. you to. drink?” She asked. I noticed there was something weird about the cadence of her voice. It was like she was having trouble speaking. I found it odd that she was wearing an old COVID mask since it seemed like she was trying to catch her breath. Our server stood motionless, waiting for one of us to say something.
Victor finally spoke. “Are you THE hamburger Sally?” he slurred and then belched. The waitress tilted her head to look at Victor. “No Sally. is out. Today. my name is. *Dawn*.” She then pointed to the name tag on her apron.
“Some *coffee* would be nice,” Claudia said politely before glaring at Victor. “Coffee for me as well, please,” Amanda said while still looking down at her menu.
“And for. You?” Dawn asked me. I turned to look at her, and a feeling of anxiousness immediately shot through my brain. It was her eyes. I didn’t know how to describe them, but they looked out of place. One of Dawn’s eyes was off to the side, while the other was slightly off-center. It was like she was wearing a wrinkled mask that didn’t quite fit her face. And the color! I had never seen eyes that black before.
“Um…water is fine, I guess,” I said, quickly turning my head away from the waitress. She lingered briefly at our table and then disappeared behind the counter.
While everyone debated their favorite bar of the evening, I tried to get another look at our server. The elderly man hadn’t moved since he rang the bell and continued to sip coffee. I squinted my eyes to check if I could see into the kitchen but only saw shadowy silhouettes moving around in the back.
I was startled by a loud bang from the kitchen and saw Dawn appear with everyone’s drinks on a safe tray. “May I take. your. order?” she asked. Victor gulped down his coffee with both hands. “I’ll have the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and fried okra.” Claudia rolled her eyes. “Can I get the tuna melt?”
“Really, guys?” Amanda asked. “We’re at *Hamburger Sally’s,* and you *don’t* get a burger?” She shook her head. “I’ll have the old-fashioned cheeseburger. Oh! And can I also get a vanilla milkshake?”
I felt Dawn’s eyes shift over to me. “Um…..I guess I’ll have the same.”
“Thank. You. We’ll. Get that. Right. Out.” Dawn then headed back to the counter.
I leaned in to whisper, “Did y’all notice something off about our waitress?” The other three looked at me quizzically. “Not really?” Claudia said, “Though I’m worried she may have emphysema or something.”
“What should we be looking for?” Victor asked.
“I don’t know! There just seemed something off about her. Honestly, there’s something totally bizarre with this place.”
“Yeah, it’s an old diner,” Amanda said firmly. “Are you doing alright? Should I grab a Pindolol from my purse? You’re probably still stressed from all the work you had to do today.”
I waved her off. “No, I’m fine. You’re right; I just need to calm down.”
Victor smirked and then pulled out two nips of Jack Daniels. “I’ve got something better than a beta-blocker.” I snatched them from his hands and shot them down my throat while the others cheered me on at the booth. We made some small talk before Dawn brought our food to us.
And it was decent. Not totally out of this world, but perfectly acceptable for a run-down diner that never sleeps. Amanda, however, wasn’t looking too hot. “I think I’m going to be sick,” she said, clutching her stomach.
“Well, this is your first time trying meat in like five years, “ I reminded her. Amanda shot daggers at me with her eyes. “Sorry, y’all, I think I need to run home real quick. I’ll be back.” She then bolted from our booth and disappeared into the night.
We ordered another cup of coffee to wait for Amanda, but I deduced that she had fallen asleep after hurling. “Let’s pick up the check; this one’s on me,” I said, anxious to get home.
“*OH, GARÇON!”* Victor yelled, snapping his fingers. Dawn reappeared and glided to our table.
“What. can I. help you. with…”
“We’re ready for the check,” I said nervously, trying not to make eye contact with the waitress.
“Oh…..the check…..yes…” Dawn went back to the kitchen.
I excused myself to hit the can before we settled our bill. The bathroom was more like a tiny closet, and while doing my business, I saw a box labeled “Hamburger Sally’s” sitting under the sink. Curious, I opened the box and found a dusty old binder with family photos and a journal filled with scientific scribblings I didn’t recognize.
The picture looked like it was from the 1980s. It showed a man and a woman holding a young toddler wearing a bow in front of the restaurant. The back of the photo was labeled “*Bill, Dawn, and Sally*: *Grand Opening, 1986.”* So that’s where the name came from. I also found it interesting that Dawn was still working even though she probably had to have been in her seventies. Plus, she didn’t look that old!
I quickly flipped through the rest of the album. Most of the photos were of Sally at various milestones in her life. But there were a few of Bill tinkering with something in his garage. It looked like some sort of robot or android, but the pictures were too smudged to make out anything comprehensible. *Looks like Bill was a man of many talents,* I thought to myself.
The notebook in the binder was also faded. I couldn’t make out most of the writing, but inside one of the pages was an old patent application titled: Synthetic Autonomous Learning Intelligence Bot (SALI). It must have been the robot Bill was working on! The patent application was filled with black lines and redacted labels, and the only thing legible was the giant red stamp at the front that said: “DENIED.” Stapled to the patent application was a cease and desist letter from the Department of Defense. At the back of the binder was a torn piece of paper with a note written in pen: “Today, SALI made a friend.”
Just what the hell was going on he-
“Ohhhhhh Pat! Did you fall in the toilet?” I heard Victor yell. I pulled my pants up and hurried out of the restroom, finally glad to leave the diner.
I slid back into the booth, “Let’s get the hell out of here.” I pulled some cash out of my wallet and put it on the receipt, not even bothering to check the price.
“I don’t need any change,” I said to Dawn.
“Thank. You. Dear.”
“No problem, hope you and Bill have a good night,” I said without thinking.
“Who’s Bill?” hiccuped Victor. I froze in my tracks, and time seemed to stop. I felt Dawn’s black eyes hone in on me again. Her neck tilted slowly until her ears were almost to her shoulder. She placed the cash back on the table and clicked her spindly fingers.
“Who the fuck is Bill, Pat?” Victor asked again.
Dawn turned to Victor. “Would. You. Like to. Meet. Sally now?”
Victor chuckled nervously, “Um sure! We’d love to thank her for a great dinner.”
The room fell silent. I could only hear my heart pounding in my ears. I saw the man at the counter slowly rise, his face still turned away from us. The music at the Jukebox grew slower and deeper, and I realized it had been playing the same song on loop. The lights began to flicker even faster, and Claudia and Victor looked scared for the first time this evening. Several thumping noise came from behind the counter, and the walls in the back began to shake.
“What the f-” Victor started to say.
Then darkness. A sound like metal hunks scraping together, followed by a deafening shriek that shot through the room. I instinctively grabbed my backpack and hustled out of the booth but tripped on something squishy and fell face-first onto the floor. Another inhuman howl pierced my ears, and I hustled to get back to my feet.
The lights came back on. Dark red blood gushed on the black and white tile below me and seeped into my shoes. I whipped around and, in horror, saw an enormous black humanoid machine throw Claudia’s lifeless body on the ground with ease. Victor sat slumped over in the booth…..only his face was missing. The man from the counter stood over Claudia’s body with a kitchen knife and then knelt by her face.
I did the only thing I could do. I screamed.
The three beings whipped around to face me. Dawn was no longer wearing her COVID mask, and the skin where her mouth was supposed to be hung in tatters, revealing nothing but black metal. The man from behind the counter was now wearing Victor’s face. The other humanoid, which I deduced to be SALI, had a chrome-plated black face. On top of its head was a dusty red bow.
I ran, tumbling from behind the counter, feeling the androids hot on my tail. I leaped into the diner’s giant refrigerator door and locked it from the inside with a crowbar.
I'm still here, shivering and surrounded by frozen meat that's been here for who knows how long. Surprisingly, the machines haven't found me, and I wonder if the freezer is concealing my heat signatures. Every now and then, I'll hear a muffled voice cry out from the restaurant.
"WhErE. ArE. YoU?" The voice will say. It sounds like Claudia's, but more disembodied and tortured.
"PApA Isn't MAD. CoMe OuT to PLaY!" That one sounds like Victor's but totally devoid of his free-spirited charm.
But there's one I don't recognize, and it startles me every time I hear it. "SALI NneeEDsss A NeW FaCe...."
The androids are either going to find me, or I'm going to freeze to death. I think I prefer the latter. Amanda should be waking up soon. I pray to God that she doesn't come looking for us....whatever these things are, I'm pretty sure they're trying to escape.
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To my friends, if you happen to run into me, know that it isn't.