I attended a prom at a school for the blind and had the time of my life.

I danced like no one was watching.
If Hitler was an animal what would he be?

Adolfin
You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in water.

If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats buoyant
I lost my job at the keyboard factory

I guess I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
The man who invented auto correct walks into a barn.

He orders a bear.
Why could you never starve to death in the desert?

Because of all the sand which is there
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people.

Then it exploded.
Dropped a box of light switches

They were heavier than I thought
I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day' But when we walked in the office she started to cry.

As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you work with.”
My daughter turned 18 last weekend, so I bought her a locket with a picture of herself inside. Thankfully, she's now finally..

Independent...
I asked my boss for a raise because 3 companies are after me. He asked me which ones?

I replied: gas, water and electric
I just couldn't bring myself to quit my job at the bakery. I was underpaid and the hours were lousy, but...

I needed the bread.
I hurt my knee slipping on ice in front of the police station.

I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony (fell-on-knee)
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
What line should you never use with an anti-vaxxer you want to date?

Let's give it a shot
It's pretty obvious that if you run in front of a moving car you will get tired, but if you run behind it..

do you just get exhausted...?
Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because calling him Master Vader made all the Stormtroopers giggle.
I can't believe I got fired from the clock factory.

I put in so many extra hours!
I think my coworker got ripped off

She bought me 2023 Dad jokes, but I only counted 365.
I think the girl I'm seeing is a Communist

She raises a lot of red flags