Stop being the product.
Become the owner.
Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium Me: 0mg #comedy
I was just convicted by two dudes names Jimothy and four guys named Jim. It was a Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jim jury. #comedy
Brake pads This just now happened... Went into O'Reilly for brake pads. Guy at the counter said, "What are you needing today?" I said, "I need brake pads." He got his fingers on the keyboard and said, "OK, what's it for?" I said, "It helps your car stop." #comedy 
