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Can someone help me understand this debate that I’ve been seeing a lot?
Wasn’t sure what flair to use for this so I hope this is okay!
PSA:Okay so I’m not sure if this kind of thing that’s allowed on here since there seems to be a lot of division in the community over it so if this isn’t allowed just let me know and I’ll delete it(this is a long post because I’m terrible at summarizing things)
So basically I’ve been seeing a lot of debate online(TikTok especially) about whether trans men(not transmasc but specifically trans men) can be lesbians or not. Something I wanna make clear is that I would never attack someone for using labels that don’t make sense from my perspective because I understand there’s a lot of nuance to this conversation so I don’t want to encourage hate to either side of the argument.
I’m a nonbinary lesbian(I’m afab so for me I feel more connected to the lesbian label than the gay or trixic labels especially taking into account how femininity influences my gender expression)
To me, I see lesbian as being a non-man attracted to non-men(women and identities under the nonbinary umbrella). So the idea of trans men being included under the lesbian label just doesn’t make sense to me because one of the key aspects of being a lesbian is that it excludes men(and as trans men are also men, it just doesn’t seem right).
I’ve seen people say that because of the history of trans men being included in lesbian spaces means that they can still be considered lesbians if that’s how they identify but I feel like that argument leaves out some key details.
Lesbians and trans men ofc had a connection because of both groups being queer and afab, but the reason trans men were called lesbians wasn’t because they necessarily wanted to be, it was because people didn’t see them as real men back then. The solidarity between trans men and lesbians is very real but in my opinion that doesn’t mean that trans men can be lesbians by association.
Ofc i understand trans men who still hold onto the lesbian label while in the closet or earlier on in their transition because that’s the label they were using before and that’s what they’re used to.
Idk am I missing some sort of context for why some people think this? I’ve been called bigoted for not thinking trans men can be lesbians and if that’s true I want to be better but I just don’t understand why that would make me bigoted.
Like I said before, no matter how someone identifies, even if I don’t understand it, I don’t send any hate to anyone, identity is very personal and can be complicated so I get it.
So no matter what pls just be respectful to each other in the replies and pls understand that I’m not attacking anyone I’m just trying to understand this perspective in the debate.
#adult
source
Wasn’t sure what flair to use for this so I hope this is okay!
PSA:Okay so I’m not sure if this kind of thing that’s allowed on here since there seems to be a lot of division in the community over it so if this isn’t allowed just let me know and I’ll delete it(this is a long post because I’m terrible at summarizing things)
So basically I’ve been seeing a lot of debate online(TikTok especially) about whether trans men(not transmasc but specifically trans men) can be lesbians or not. Something I wanna make clear is that I would never attack someone for using labels that don’t make sense from my perspective because I understand there’s a lot of nuance to this conversation so I don’t want to encourage hate to either side of the argument.
I’m a nonbinary lesbian(I’m afab so for me I feel more connected to the lesbian label than the gay or trixic labels especially taking into account how femininity influences my gender expression)
To me, I see lesbian as being a non-man attracted to non-men(women and identities under the nonbinary umbrella). So the idea of trans men being included under the lesbian label just doesn’t make sense to me because one of the key aspects of being a lesbian is that it excludes men(and as trans men are also men, it just doesn’t seem right).
I’ve seen people say that because of the history of trans men being included in lesbian spaces means that they can still be considered lesbians if that’s how they identify but I feel like that argument leaves out some key details.
Lesbians and trans men ofc had a connection because of both groups being queer and afab, but the reason trans men were called lesbians wasn’t because they necessarily wanted to be, it was because people didn’t see them as real men back then. The solidarity between trans men and lesbians is very real but in my opinion that doesn’t mean that trans men can be lesbians by association.
Ofc i understand trans men who still hold onto the lesbian label while in the closet or earlier on in their transition because that’s the label they were using before and that’s what they’re used to.
Idk am I missing some sort of context for why some people think this? I’ve been called bigoted for not thinking trans men can be lesbians and if that’s true I want to be better but I just don’t understand why that would make me bigoted.
Like I said before, no matter how someone identifies, even if I don’t understand it, I don’t send any hate to anyone, identity is very personal and can be complicated so I get it.
So no matter what pls just be respectful to each other in the replies and pls understand that I’m not attacking anyone I’m just trying to understand this perspective in the debate.
#adult
source
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ACTUALLY good lesbian shows?
I’ve already seen OITNB, but I’m looking for more lesbian shows that aren’t totally awful. So many recs have involved the lesbians going through something terrible or never having a happy ending.
I don’t really have a specific genere preference, some of my other favourite shows are The Pitt, Midnight Mass, Superstore, and Lost.
I like medical shows and horror mainly, but as I said, I’m very open to any genre!
#adult
source
I’ve already seen OITNB, but I’m looking for more lesbian shows that aren’t totally awful. So many recs have involved the lesbians going through something terrible or never having a happy ending.
I don’t really have a specific genere preference, some of my other favourite shows are The Pitt, Midnight Mass, Superstore, and Lost.
I like medical shows and horror mainly, but as I said, I’m very open to any genre!
#adult
source
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I need some advice
So my girlfriend is going through a rough phase in her life and I've been trying my best to help her. And obviously I'm there for her, it's my job as her girlfriend, but it feels like she's getting more and more extreme with the things she demands and what I should do.
Today for example when I went home (we live in different towns), she was having a complete breakdown and was crying so bad and I felt horrible. For context, I sleep over practically every day, since she can't sleep without me. and I barely have time for anything else but her (which is okay, but in the last month I could barely make any time for my hobbies).
When I'm with her she seems happier, but sometimes she just makes fun of me and my interests for no real reason or makes transphobic "jokes", which also hurt (I'm a trans girl). Therefore I barely get any sleep, because these things just keep me up all night.
She always demands that I cook for her and that I massage her and she's never in the mood for the things I suggest we do. And I feel like such a narcissist for even "complaining" about this, but nothing is ever enough and I'm really trying my best.
Adding to all of this, is that my family and I are also moving this year, so we'll be even further apart from each other and I have no idea how I'm supposed to balance school, a job, other friends and a relationship like that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'm doing enough and that she deserves so much better. I genuinely need some advice or anything, because I have no idea what to do.
#adult
source
So my girlfriend is going through a rough phase in her life and I've been trying my best to help her. And obviously I'm there for her, it's my job as her girlfriend, but it feels like she's getting more and more extreme with the things she demands and what I should do.
Today for example when I went home (we live in different towns), she was having a complete breakdown and was crying so bad and I felt horrible. For context, I sleep over practically every day, since she can't sleep without me. and I barely have time for anything else but her (which is okay, but in the last month I could barely make any time for my hobbies).
When I'm with her she seems happier, but sometimes she just makes fun of me and my interests for no real reason or makes transphobic "jokes", which also hurt (I'm a trans girl). Therefore I barely get any sleep, because these things just keep me up all night.
She always demands that I cook for her and that I massage her and she's never in the mood for the things I suggest we do. And I feel like such a narcissist for even "complaining" about this, but nothing is ever enough and I'm really trying my best.
Adding to all of this, is that my family and I are also moving this year, so we'll be even further apart from each other and I have no idea how I'm supposed to balance school, a job, other friends and a relationship like that.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I'm doing enough and that she deserves so much better. I genuinely need some advice or anything, because I have no idea what to do.
#adult
source
1 reactions
Nao consigo me assumir para NINGUÉM
Somente duas pessoas sabem que gosto de garotas, e teve que ser uma pergunta muito direta para eu não conseguir negar.
Eu não sei por que eu simplesmente não consigo me assumir, acho que quando eu era mais nova eu não me sintia merecedora de amar e dizer que eu sou lesbica seria uma piada para as pessoas porque seria uma confirmação que eu sentia atração por pessoas quando ninguem nunca iria me querer.
Eu já passei dessa fase e quero começar a viver a minha vida, mas eu acho que passar tanto tempo confirmando uma falsa heterossexualidade de forma extremamente natural me impede de fazer isso. Eu tentei. Eu tento toda hora que eu tenho uma chance mas as palavras não saeem da minha boca, parece que eu estaria traindo a mim mesma se eu me exposse dessa forma.
Pelo amor de Deus, alguém consegue me dar alguma dica??!!
Alias eu tenho 15 anos e me descobri aos 12.
Eu não falo mais com essas duas pessoas que sabem sobre.
#adult
Somente duas pessoas sabem que gosto de garotas, e teve que ser uma pergunta muito direta para eu não conseguir negar.
Eu não sei por que eu simplesmente não consigo me assumir, acho que quando eu era mais nova eu não me sintia merecedora de amar e dizer que eu sou lesbica seria uma piada para as pessoas porque seria uma confirmação que eu sentia atração por pessoas quando ninguem nunca iria me querer.
Eu já passei dessa fase e quero começar a viver a minha vida, mas eu acho que passar tanto tempo confirmando uma falsa heterossexualidade de forma extremamente natural me impede de fazer isso. Eu tentei. Eu tento toda hora que eu tenho uma chance mas as palavras não saeem da minha boca, parece que eu estaria traindo a mim mesma se eu me exposse dessa forma.
Pelo amor de Deus, alguém consegue me dar alguma dica??!!
Alias eu tenho 15 anos e me descobri aos 12.
Eu não falo mais com essas duas pessoas que sabem sobre.
#adult
2 reactions
I only fall in love with a very rare sort of person, and that makes me feel lonely.
I’m a tomboy trans girl and I’m 21.
I’ve only started making real friends in the last year and a half, and one of these people is a cis masculine woman who’s helped me discover a kind of love I never thought I could feel, and helped me understand better my own identity.
I don’t want a relationship with her; it’s not a typical crush.
It’s just that her soft-masculine energy makes me feel calm, seen and safe.
And I’ve realised that I only fall in love with people who have that energy.
The problem is that there are very few of them.
On dating apps, I never get matches with soft masculine women.
It seems to me that many are looking for feminine girls, and I feel invisible.
It hurts to know that I can feel something so rare and deep… but only for a type of person I hardly ever come across.
I’d love to find someone who makes me feel the way she does.
Has anyone else experienced this extreme selectivity?
How did you find people with that energy?
#adult
source
I’m a tomboy trans girl and I’m 21.
I’ve only started making real friends in the last year and a half, and one of these people is a cis masculine woman who’s helped me discover a kind of love I never thought I could feel, and helped me understand better my own identity.
I don’t want a relationship with her; it’s not a typical crush.
It’s just that her soft-masculine energy makes me feel calm, seen and safe.
And I’ve realised that I only fall in love with people who have that energy.
The problem is that there are very few of them.
On dating apps, I never get matches with soft masculine women.
It seems to me that many are looking for feminine girls, and I feel invisible.
It hurts to know that I can feel something so rare and deep… but only for a type of person I hardly ever come across.
I’d love to find someone who makes me feel the way she does.
Has anyone else experienced this extreme selectivity?
How did you find people with that energy?
#adult
source
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Swimwear recomendations?
Hello fellow lesbians who love to swim. What are some swimwear brands that you guys recommend? preferably something affordable but still cute looking. Im going to college in San Marcos next to the river so im going to be doing a lot of swimming the next few years. Thanks!
#adult
Hello fellow lesbians who love to swim. What are some swimwear brands that you guys recommend? preferably something affordable but still cute looking. Im going to college in San Marcos next to the river so im going to be doing a lot of swimming the next few years. Thanks!
#adult
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