I give up in this world i never chose to live in. As much…
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I give up in this world i never chose to live in.
As much as I prayed, as much as I try to do good wills, as much as I helped others while I was down bad, as much as I believe my life is finally going good even though it always takes a wrong turn and I keep telling myself FINALLY it's going good, it doesn't.
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The same two weeks I lost my job, my car, my relationship who I loved with all my heart, now I can't contact her and it was my very last straw. It's all so painful. But then also all my money is gone, I'm stuck in my home because there's no bus stops for an hour and 50 minute walk and I cannot afford a taxi, I lived in a house for 9 years and now I'm told I have to move out... Even though that means I will soon be homeless. I'm not ready to be homeless. I have too much weight on my shoulders as it is.
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I started having a person from a church stop by and read me bible quotes, telling me it's all Gods plan. Well guess what? His plan is brutally damning and unfair and unjust. This guy from church telling me about how Job lost everything but he was rewarded. I read over that story and it's not even a good story. God screwed him over. Losing his original kids and then giving him new kids? That's no different than stealing something valuable and deeply meaningful and then replacing it with something that will never be the same. It's unjust.
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Going over the whole bible, I hate this world and whoever created it. I hate the suffering. It's never ending. Things like losing everything all sudden always happens to me out of nowhere. I cannot relax ever. Having to keep fighting just to survive in a messed up cruel world is not worth it to me. I'm so done with people referring to the bible that it all has a purpose. What purpose? To neverending suffering more deeply? Nothing makes sense when it comes to the bible. I hate it here.
#religion
source
As much as I prayed, as much as I try to do good wills, as much as I helped others while I was down bad, as much as I believe my life is finally going good even though it always takes a wrong turn and I keep telling myself FINALLY it's going good, it doesn't.
​
​
The same two weeks I lost my job, my car, my relationship who I loved with all my heart, now I can't contact her and it was my very last straw. It's all so painful. But then also all my money is gone, I'm stuck in my home because there's no bus stops for an hour and 50 minute walk and I cannot afford a taxi, I lived in a house for 9 years and now I'm told I have to move out... Even though that means I will soon be homeless. I'm not ready to be homeless. I have too much weight on my shoulders as it is.
​
​
I started having a person from a church stop by and read me bible quotes, telling me it's all Gods plan. Well guess what? His plan is brutally damning and unfair and unjust. This guy from church telling me about how Job lost everything but he was rewarded. I read over that story and it's not even a good story. God screwed him over. Losing his original kids and then giving him new kids? That's no different than stealing something valuable and deeply meaningful and then replacing it with something that will never be the same. It's unjust.
​
​
Going over the whole bible, I hate this world and whoever created it. I hate the suffering. It's never ending. Things like losing everything all sudden always happens to me out of nowhere. I cannot relax ever. Having to keep fighting just to survive in a messed up cruel world is not worth it to me. I'm so done with people referring to the bible that it all has a purpose. What purpose? To neverending suffering more deeply? Nothing makes sense when it comes to the bible. I hate it here.
#religion
source
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