Many people are in denial and that makes dating so much…
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Many people are in denial and that makes dating so much harder for everyone
Applies to both men and women.
As title says, I think a lot of people are in denial about things like personality traits, communication skills, them being mature, having their life sorted out, a person and relationships they are looking for, etc. and it's easy not to notice that and put all the blame for lack of success in dating on the modern/online dating issues or opposite gender.
This is something I was helped to realize about myself (29M) around 2 years ago by hearing 2 honest views about me from a girl I was seeing and a friend of mine. Since then, I have started to be more open about needing to improve in some areas, accepted what I'm lacking in, and have been honest with myself about what I'm actually looking for. Feels like that helped to flip my dating experience upside down.
To give an example, at the time, I did not see much wrong with myself. Of course, I was not ideal, but I would have probably described myself as sort of successful, with a good career, good financial position, a mature and interesting person with good communication skills, and a good sense of humor. Fit and decent looking, I worked out 3-4 times a week, took care of myself, had several hobbies, and was someone who puts in effort when it comes to dating. And was just looking genuine nice girl who likes me back to escape from loneliness.
That was the picture I had of myself. In reality, while I had a good career and job, I made it too big a part of my personality and too often brought my job up in conversations. I mistook emotional maturity with having lack of emotions. I did not admit that looks are extremely important for me, but checked out right away if that didn't fill the box in my eyes. While I had many interests and hobbies, I was not very open and enthusiastic about new things outside of what I already had an interest in. These are just a few examples of me.
It's not only about needing to improve, but needing to accept and get a reality check instead of continuously shifting the blame elsewhere. Yes, there are shitty people out there ruining the experience for everyone, but sometimes we need to look in a mirror too.
Just my little pep talk cause while lurking in this sub, almost every other post includes complaints, while people put themselves on a pedestal, list their good characteristics, have done nothing wrong, and ask why it's all so bad out there.
#relationships
source
Applies to both men and women.
As title says, I think a lot of people are in denial about things like personality traits, communication skills, them being mature, having their life sorted out, a person and relationships they are looking for, etc. and it's easy not to notice that and put all the blame for lack of success in dating on the modern/online dating issues or opposite gender.
This is something I was helped to realize about myself (29M) around 2 years ago by hearing 2 honest views about me from a girl I was seeing and a friend of mine. Since then, I have started to be more open about needing to improve in some areas, accepted what I'm lacking in, and have been honest with myself about what I'm actually looking for. Feels like that helped to flip my dating experience upside down.
To give an example, at the time, I did not see much wrong with myself. Of course, I was not ideal, but I would have probably described myself as sort of successful, with a good career, good financial position, a mature and interesting person with good communication skills, and a good sense of humor. Fit and decent looking, I worked out 3-4 times a week, took care of myself, had several hobbies, and was someone who puts in effort when it comes to dating. And was just looking genuine nice girl who likes me back to escape from loneliness.
That was the picture I had of myself. In reality, while I had a good career and job, I made it too big a part of my personality and too often brought my job up in conversations. I mistook emotional maturity with having lack of emotions. I did not admit that looks are extremely important for me, but checked out right away if that didn't fill the box in my eyes. While I had many interests and hobbies, I was not very open and enthusiastic about new things outside of what I already had an interest in. These are just a few examples of me.
It's not only about needing to improve, but needing to accept and get a reality check instead of continuously shifting the blame elsewhere. Yes, there are shitty people out there ruining the experience for everyone, but sometimes we need to look in a mirror too.
Just my little pep talk cause while lurking in this sub, almost every other post includes complaints, while people put themselves on a pedestal, list their good characteristics, have done nothing wrong, and ask why it's all so bad out there.
#relationships
source
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