Need advice on how to handle my very arrogant youngest…
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Need advice on how to handle my very arrogant youngest sister
Need advice. We're 4 years apart (she is the youngest out of all other sisters). I had always seen her like my best friend when we were growing up though i noticed there were moments she wasn't so pleased with achievements i got in school. Hence, my parents always dote on her. Apparently to them, they shower her with love and care to make up for the lack of academic achievements she got. Tbh, isnt that better, I would rather have parental love than to get all these "achievements" and honestly, I felt, i needed to work hard to get the validation from my parents through such academic awards.
Anyways, once she entered poly and uni and got her close groups of friends (think esp after finding her boyfriend from a dating app and also after her uni friend became a medical doctor (coz she kept mentioning her to our mother), she started to be more arrogant and rude to her other siblings and parents especially towards me. We are already in our adult years now and her and I have not spoken for about 2 years now. She treats me like im invisible. So whenever I treat food for the family, she never once thanked me but if my others sisters did, she would do so in front of the entire family. I've been asking my mother to advise her to help with this sibling rivalry but she insists that my youngest sister is too egoistical and so hard-headed that it's impossible to change her (but tbh, my mother is so scared to offend her in case she goes berserk and i guess runs away from home?). My father on the other hand is emotionally and mentally not present (physically now too since he is almost bed-ridden due to health issues).
So some background, we were sharing a room at our oldest sister's house, where the entire family is staying in. So my side of the room, i paid for an inbuilt wall cabinet for storage. I had the opportunity to move out recently (thank goodness coz she has been talking / gaming late at night with her boyfriend and i couldn't sleep well!) but i left a few electronic boxes there coz of storage. so when i needed the box for warranty purposes, i asked in our family group chat for it coz i remembered i didnt see my stuff in that cabinet the last time i checked...but instead the cabinet was filled with all her stuff which she did not even tell me beforehand/ ask for permission. Then the rude comments ensued which are unrelated to the matter... some of which are:
\- "At least i wasnt unemployed for almost a year living in the house free after graduation :)." "At least i got a job 2 months after. Jokes on u. My pay is higher also" <-- after i graduated, i had difficulties finding a full-time job but i did a few part-time work while waiting and that was 10 years ago... she recently got let go from her job and she managed to find a new one thanks to her friend's recommendation
\-"Turning 30 but dont know how to act like one. What a loser" <-- in fact, I've already turned 30, she hasnt wished me happy bday but she does for the other family members
\-"Btw, last thing. My life has been so much better without talking to you"
I am livid. How do you deal with such people? My mother texted me personally asking me to forgive her. On the outside, her life seems to be smooth-sailing, will be marrying a guy who is a national athlete (who is as old as me and earns lesser than her...not sure if she thinks she is better than him since she made fun of my salary). And her soon to be father-in-law is a imam in one of the mosques here and has the thinking that she likes to recite the holy book (though we dont really see/hear her recite at home), and I overheard that her wedding door gifts to the attendees would be prayer mats. My mother wanted to chip in for the wedding door gifts to include plates so that attendees of different faiths can use it but instead according to our mother she responded with "This is my wedding, so I get to decide what to give" or something along that line. I'm no saint but it is so hypocritical that she pretends to be pious to outsiders and nice to friends (which i assume because it seems she has loads of friends and keeps going overseas), but yet so rude and mean to her family. Oh and my mother will be letting her and her husband-to-be stay in our parents' house , which they have been renting out previously for income, while they wait for their new house which would be ready in 3 years. And my parents will continue to stay in my eldest sister's home, claiming that my youngest sister and the husband needs privacy in that 5 room apartment.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Life has been difficult, being the black sheep of the family and with little support system (not many friends that share the same interests)....and what i thought should be my support system is giving me stress. hope you could advise me on how to move on? I am very livid and i cant sleep properly coz of this and i even had to take off from work as i was feeling so light-headed.
#religion
source
Need advice. We're 4 years apart (she is the youngest out of all other sisters). I had always seen her like my best friend when we were growing up though i noticed there were moments she wasn't so pleased with achievements i got in school. Hence, my parents always dote on her. Apparently to them, they shower her with love and care to make up for the lack of academic achievements she got. Tbh, isnt that better, I would rather have parental love than to get all these "achievements" and honestly, I felt, i needed to work hard to get the validation from my parents through such academic awards.
Anyways, once she entered poly and uni and got her close groups of friends (think esp after finding her boyfriend from a dating app and also after her uni friend became a medical doctor (coz she kept mentioning her to our mother), she started to be more arrogant and rude to her other siblings and parents especially towards me. We are already in our adult years now and her and I have not spoken for about 2 years now. She treats me like im invisible. So whenever I treat food for the family, she never once thanked me but if my others sisters did, she would do so in front of the entire family. I've been asking my mother to advise her to help with this sibling rivalry but she insists that my youngest sister is too egoistical and so hard-headed that it's impossible to change her (but tbh, my mother is so scared to offend her in case she goes berserk and i guess runs away from home?). My father on the other hand is emotionally and mentally not present (physically now too since he is almost bed-ridden due to health issues).
So some background, we were sharing a room at our oldest sister's house, where the entire family is staying in. So my side of the room, i paid for an inbuilt wall cabinet for storage. I had the opportunity to move out recently (thank goodness coz she has been talking / gaming late at night with her boyfriend and i couldn't sleep well!) but i left a few electronic boxes there coz of storage. so when i needed the box for warranty purposes, i asked in our family group chat for it coz i remembered i didnt see my stuff in that cabinet the last time i checked...but instead the cabinet was filled with all her stuff which she did not even tell me beforehand/ ask for permission. Then the rude comments ensued which are unrelated to the matter... some of which are:
\- "At least i wasnt unemployed for almost a year living in the house free after graduation :)." "At least i got a job 2 months after. Jokes on u. My pay is higher also" <-- after i graduated, i had difficulties finding a full-time job but i did a few part-time work while waiting and that was 10 years ago... she recently got let go from her job and she managed to find a new one thanks to her friend's recommendation
\-"Turning 30 but dont know how to act like one. What a loser" <-- in fact, I've already turned 30, she hasnt wished me happy bday but she does for the other family members
\-"Btw, last thing. My life has been so much better without talking to you"
I am livid. How do you deal with such people? My mother texted me personally asking me to forgive her. On the outside, her life seems to be smooth-sailing, will be marrying a guy who is a national athlete (who is as old as me and earns lesser than her...not sure if she thinks she is better than him since she made fun of my salary). And her soon to be father-in-law is a imam in one of the mosques here and has the thinking that she likes to recite the holy book (though we dont really see/hear her recite at home), and I overheard that her wedding door gifts to the attendees would be prayer mats. My mother wanted to chip in for the wedding door gifts to include plates so that attendees of different faiths can use it but instead according to our mother she responded with "This is my wedding, so I get to decide what to give" or something along that line. I'm no saint but it is so hypocritical that she pretends to be pious to outsiders and nice to friends (which i assume because it seems she has loads of friends and keeps going overseas), but yet so rude and mean to her family. Oh and my mother will be letting her and her husband-to-be stay in our parents' house , which they have been renting out previously for income, while they wait for their new house which would be ready in 3 years. And my parents will continue to stay in my eldest sister's home, claiming that my youngest sister and the husband needs privacy in that 5 room apartment.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Life has been difficult, being the black sheep of the family and with little support system (not many friends that share the same interests)....and what i thought should be my support system is giving me stress. hope you could advise me on how to move on? I am very livid and i cant sleep properly coz of this and i even had to take off from work as i was feeling so light-headed.
#religion
source
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