Any advice/change of perspective that would help me enjoy…
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Any advice/change of perspective that would help me enjoy social interactions?
Interacting with other people is a chore, I feel distant and disconnected to every person that's part of my life (friends, family and coworkers), so I was wondering if someone has an advice on something I could try or a different perspective to change my focus around that could help.
Goes without saying but if this isn't the right place to ask this please let me know to delete the post.
Now I will list exactly why I don't enjoy/dislike social interaction.
The fact that I have autism may be worth mentioning.
* Small talk to me is performative, rutinary, tiring and (feels) pointless.
All the little stuff, the greetings, the pretended checking on how each other is doing (theres only one correct answer is always "fine" even if you're not fine the correct answer is "fine", going off script always ends in arguing) catching them up on things that I don't care about, discussing current events but never deeply enough like for it to be a real talk, just "hey that's there, crazy huh", then I pretend to laugh at a joke I don't find funny (smile with the eyes, otherwise they notice).
It's a mechanical process, a several steps vibe check, fail one and the whole interaction won't work.
* Emotional disconect/masking
You can never be sad, you can never be angry, you're meant to "tough it out" "be a man" "don't bring down everyone with you", but you can't be too excited about anything either, being too happy or invested is cringe and childish.
I can never feel or express emotions fully it's always wrong when I try, so I have to make the effort of keeping it together for the others.
* Whenever I talk to people, even if it is about things they really care about, it always feels shallow, performative and meaningless;
I'll tell him all my thoughts regarding their favorite album, listing all the things I liked and the questions I have about meaning and inspirations and all I get from him is "ok"
I'll read the best book she's read this year, that deeply resonated with her, and the talk we have about it will not go beyond "I'm glad you liked it"; and countless examples of the same nature.
It's not a matter of people that don't enjoy the same hobbies that I do, because they do enjoy similar things, the music we like is similar, their book recomendations are solid, it's that I feel like the way and intensity I experience and engage with media (and reality to an extend) is very different from that of everyone else in my circle. Not to say I do it better, I don't believe that, just to say I feel alienated.
* It is exhausting and I rather often need to take a break from it all
As I feel distant and don't really enjoy our conversations, forcing myself to show interest in the things they care about sometimes feels like a job, I have days and weeks sometimes even months when I just can't keep doing it and completely isolate myself refusing to open any app that may allow them to contact me, because it's just too much work to put on a performance constantly.
As exagerated and whiny as it may sound, it actually hurts, visiting my "friends" to play games with them makes me feel lonely.
***~~And for these listed reasons~~*** I dislike social interactions and relationships; this isn't a vent or a rant (I realize it may read like that) I just wanted to fully explain the things that bother me thinking that may help you understand.
#relationships
source
Interacting with other people is a chore, I feel distant and disconnected to every person that's part of my life (friends, family and coworkers), so I was wondering if someone has an advice on something I could try or a different perspective to change my focus around that could help.
Goes without saying but if this isn't the right place to ask this please let me know to delete the post.
Now I will list exactly why I don't enjoy/dislike social interaction.
The fact that I have autism may be worth mentioning.
* Small talk to me is performative, rutinary, tiring and (feels) pointless.
All the little stuff, the greetings, the pretended checking on how each other is doing (theres only one correct answer is always "fine" even if you're not fine the correct answer is "fine", going off script always ends in arguing) catching them up on things that I don't care about, discussing current events but never deeply enough like for it to be a real talk, just "hey that's there, crazy huh", then I pretend to laugh at a joke I don't find funny (smile with the eyes, otherwise they notice).
It's a mechanical process, a several steps vibe check, fail one and the whole interaction won't work.
* Emotional disconect/masking
You can never be sad, you can never be angry, you're meant to "tough it out" "be a man" "don't bring down everyone with you", but you can't be too excited about anything either, being too happy or invested is cringe and childish.
I can never feel or express emotions fully it's always wrong when I try, so I have to make the effort of keeping it together for the others.
* Whenever I talk to people, even if it is about things they really care about, it always feels shallow, performative and meaningless;
I'll tell him all my thoughts regarding their favorite album, listing all the things I liked and the questions I have about meaning and inspirations and all I get from him is "ok"
I'll read the best book she's read this year, that deeply resonated with her, and the talk we have about it will not go beyond "I'm glad you liked it"; and countless examples of the same nature.
It's not a matter of people that don't enjoy the same hobbies that I do, because they do enjoy similar things, the music we like is similar, their book recomendations are solid, it's that I feel like the way and intensity I experience and engage with media (and reality to an extend) is very different from that of everyone else in my circle. Not to say I do it better, I don't believe that, just to say I feel alienated.
* It is exhausting and I rather often need to take a break from it all
As I feel distant and don't really enjoy our conversations, forcing myself to show interest in the things they care about sometimes feels like a job, I have days and weeks sometimes even months when I just can't keep doing it and completely isolate myself refusing to open any app that may allow them to contact me, because it's just too much work to put on a performance constantly.
As exagerated and whiny as it may sound, it actually hurts, visiting my "friends" to play games with them makes me feel lonely.
***~~And for these listed reasons~~*** I dislike social interactions and relationships; this isn't a vent or a rant (I realize it may read like that) I just wanted to fully explain the things that bother me thinking that may help you understand.
#relationships
source
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