I went out with friends and barely spoke. I felt…
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I went out with friends and barely spoke. I felt incompetent and left behind
I met up with two friends I barely ever see. One of them doesn’t even live in the same city and came over for the weekend as a one off. The three of us originally met through an online community about five years ago, but those two are way closer and talk much more regularly over messages.
The first day actually went fine and I felt pretty integrated, but after that it turned into hell. They started talking more and more just between themselves and I felt left behind. Either I had nothing to say, or they moved so fast and had so much wit and so many mental connections that they could jump from topic to topic while I just stayed silent. It got even worse when a mutual friend of the guy visiting joined us. At that point I barely spoke at all.
I didn’t even feel like I was in my head or even in my own thoughts. I was just stunned by how incompetent I felt and how out of place I was. They always knew what to say, how to respond, how to keep the other person interested. They have this energy and magnetism where they seem genuinely engaged by everything the other person says. They’ll pull out their phone to look things up, reference stuff they’ve seen or done, bring up mutual friends, all of that. Meanwhile I was mute. I didn’t feel like I was part of the group. It was embarrassing. When we walked around I was always behind them. They just felt ten times more calibrated than me.
I don’t understand why I’m like this
#relationships
source
I met up with two friends I barely ever see. One of them doesn’t even live in the same city and came over for the weekend as a one off. The three of us originally met through an online community about five years ago, but those two are way closer and talk much more regularly over messages.
The first day actually went fine and I felt pretty integrated, but after that it turned into hell. They started talking more and more just between themselves and I felt left behind. Either I had nothing to say, or they moved so fast and had so much wit and so many mental connections that they could jump from topic to topic while I just stayed silent. It got even worse when a mutual friend of the guy visiting joined us. At that point I barely spoke at all.
I didn’t even feel like I was in my head or even in my own thoughts. I was just stunned by how incompetent I felt and how out of place I was. They always knew what to say, how to respond, how to keep the other person interested. They have this energy and magnetism where they seem genuinely engaged by everything the other person says. They’ll pull out their phone to look things up, reference stuff they’ve seen or done, bring up mutual friends, all of that. Meanwhile I was mute. I didn’t feel like I was part of the group. It was embarrassing. When we walked around I was always behind them. They just felt ten times more calibrated than me.
I don’t understand why I’m like this
#relationships
source
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