I’m trying my best in Physics, but I keep getting the…
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I’m trying my best in Physics, but I keep getting the short end of the stick
This is just a rant. I've always wanted to study physics and astronomy since high school and I worked really hard. I got into a T5 uni in the US and I was so elated! Fast forward 3 years and idk it's been less than ideal for me.
I knew coming into college that I was way behind my peers. I didnt really learn much in high school and my physics intuition was basically non-existent. Classes were hard but I studied and worked hard everyday. I was not the perfect student. I sometimes skipped office hours, turned in homework late and sometimes missed classes. But, at the end of the day I tried my best and kept trying to be better. I felt myself becoming better every semester. My grades improved sophomore year but they've just remained at a B+ average. It's not bad but I'm just super disappointed because I know It could be much higher.
The biggest problems I have is that I tend to do so bad on exams. I panic and the slightest sounds set me off. I feel like I'm a passenger in my own head when I take exams. Like the weight of all the bad exams and my fear of scoring low becomes so suffocating at times.
On the flip side, I think I'm a good researcher. I did interesting stuff when I was in high school but my goodness was it hard getting research in college. Like I emailed so many grad students and professors. I've applied to the research program at my university 6 times and I got rejected all 6!!!! I spent hours going over essays and getting it reviewed by peers and professors. I finally got something after a year.
I worked on that project for about 8 months but then my grad student ended up ghosting me lol.
I then scrambled to find something else and thankfully after a few months of cold emailing I got into another project. The research has been good but I feel like I've contributed so little. Which I get, I'm an undergrad, theres so much I dont know. But I feel like the last few months, I've barely helped out and I just sit at meetings looking hella confused. On top of that I couldn't find any research this summer. So I'm a junior with basically no posters or presentations. I'm a co author on a paper but again just minimal contribution.
I prolly sound very ungrateful given that I did have some opportunities. It's just that I see my peers in uni and they have so much stuff and I cant believe how they got all of that. It's not like I never applied or put myself out there. I did. I did that since freshman year. Sure, I could have done so many things better but like I feel like I keep getting the short end of the stick every single time. My grades suck. My portfolio doesn't have much and my dreams of pursuing grad school in the US is just dwindling every day lol.
Right now I feel so stuck and disappointed. I dont feel like I've lived upto my potential and I just feel terrible. I'd appreciate any advice and thank you for listening to my long rant.
#science
source
This is just a rant. I've always wanted to study physics and astronomy since high school and I worked really hard. I got into a T5 uni in the US and I was so elated! Fast forward 3 years and idk it's been less than ideal for me.
I knew coming into college that I was way behind my peers. I didnt really learn much in high school and my physics intuition was basically non-existent. Classes were hard but I studied and worked hard everyday. I was not the perfect student. I sometimes skipped office hours, turned in homework late and sometimes missed classes. But, at the end of the day I tried my best and kept trying to be better. I felt myself becoming better every semester. My grades improved sophomore year but they've just remained at a B+ average. It's not bad but I'm just super disappointed because I know It could be much higher.
The biggest problems I have is that I tend to do so bad on exams. I panic and the slightest sounds set me off. I feel like I'm a passenger in my own head when I take exams. Like the weight of all the bad exams and my fear of scoring low becomes so suffocating at times.
On the flip side, I think I'm a good researcher. I did interesting stuff when I was in high school but my goodness was it hard getting research in college. Like I emailed so many grad students and professors. I've applied to the research program at my university 6 times and I got rejected all 6!!!! I spent hours going over essays and getting it reviewed by peers and professors. I finally got something after a year.
I worked on that project for about 8 months but then my grad student ended up ghosting me lol.
I then scrambled to find something else and thankfully after a few months of cold emailing I got into another project. The research has been good but I feel like I've contributed so little. Which I get, I'm an undergrad, theres so much I dont know. But I feel like the last few months, I've barely helped out and I just sit at meetings looking hella confused. On top of that I couldn't find any research this summer. So I'm a junior with basically no posters or presentations. I'm a co author on a paper but again just minimal contribution.
I prolly sound very ungrateful given that I did have some opportunities. It's just that I see my peers in uni and they have so much stuff and I cant believe how they got all of that. It's not like I never applied or put myself out there. I did. I did that since freshman year. Sure, I could have done so many things better but like I feel like I keep getting the short end of the stick every single time. My grades suck. My portfolio doesn't have much and my dreams of pursuing grad school in the US is just dwindling every day lol.
Right now I feel so stuck and disappointed. I dont feel like I've lived upto my potential and I just feel terrible. I'd appreciate any advice and thank you for listening to my long rant.
#science
source
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