How do you share more about yourself in everyday…
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How do you share more about yourself in everyday conversation?
TLDR: how do you be authentic and open in everyday conversation without being weird? what is one thing I can try today as a first step? practical tips and examples appreciated!
I feel like a lot of people know nothing about me as an adult (27). When I was younger I was very open, shamelessly talking on end about whatever thing I was obsessed with, sharing exactly and honestly what I was thinking about, even if it was a little odd. In high school I felt a lot of judgement for this, so I dialed it back. I didn't want to be so much of a weirdo that it kept me from making friends. Tbf there were real flaws in my behavior and the way I interacted with people, but in judging my past self, I applied this negative judgement to all of that openness and authenticity and intensity too.
Throughout college I judged myself, sort of applying what I learned from others in high school to "correct" my behavior. I learned a lot of good things in this time, went to therapy for social anxiety, improved my conversational skills, and healed some of the bitterness. But I also feel like I suppressed parts of myself. I saw some of my unconventional interests and harmless quirks as part of what was 'wrong' with me, when I don't think that's totally true. I feel like I am so boring to others now. I feel like I have nothing to share, not because I don't do anything or have interest, but because none of them can pass through the "normal and nice and pleasing to all" filter I've installed.
I filter myself partly because I think it'll help me connect with people, and partly because I'm afraid of being judged. I protect my interests (and inner world generally) by hiding them, because sharing them so authentically felt like it ruined them and ultimately made me hate them, and hate myself for loving them, in the past. I want to keep the good things I learned, conversational skills, being more approachable and warm, etc. while removing some of this filter which I don't think should really be there. But I really don't know how to share things in everyday conversation. I know that sounds dumb, but I feel like I don't know when is appropriate or not. How to not be off-putting.
#relationships
source
TLDR: how do you be authentic and open in everyday conversation without being weird? what is one thing I can try today as a first step? practical tips and examples appreciated!
I feel like a lot of people know nothing about me as an adult (27). When I was younger I was very open, shamelessly talking on end about whatever thing I was obsessed with, sharing exactly and honestly what I was thinking about, even if it was a little odd. In high school I felt a lot of judgement for this, so I dialed it back. I didn't want to be so much of a weirdo that it kept me from making friends. Tbf there were real flaws in my behavior and the way I interacted with people, but in judging my past self, I applied this negative judgement to all of that openness and authenticity and intensity too.
Throughout college I judged myself, sort of applying what I learned from others in high school to "correct" my behavior. I learned a lot of good things in this time, went to therapy for social anxiety, improved my conversational skills, and healed some of the bitterness. But I also feel like I suppressed parts of myself. I saw some of my unconventional interests and harmless quirks as part of what was 'wrong' with me, when I don't think that's totally true. I feel like I am so boring to others now. I feel like I have nothing to share, not because I don't do anything or have interest, but because none of them can pass through the "normal and nice and pleasing to all" filter I've installed.
I filter myself partly because I think it'll help me connect with people, and partly because I'm afraid of being judged. I protect my interests (and inner world generally) by hiding them, because sharing them so authentically felt like it ruined them and ultimately made me hate them, and hate myself for loving them, in the past. I want to keep the good things I learned, conversational skills, being more approachable and warm, etc. while removing some of this filter which I don't think should really be there. But I really don't know how to share things in everyday conversation. I know that sounds dumb, but I feel like I don't know when is appropriate or not. How to not be off-putting.
#relationships
source
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