Break the pattern today or the loop will repeat tomorrow
All your trauma, and issues with relapse and the vicious cycle is valid. It's not easy, anyone with a brain can and will acknowledge that. That being said, nothing will happen till you break the pattern today, or the loop will repeat tomorrow. YOU, and only you must break the pattern today or the loop will repeat tomorrow. This is a YOU problem, and that's a good thing, the only silver lining of it all, since this is a you problem, it means only YOU have the MEANS, POWER AND WILL to fix it, even if you've not been able to yet.