Friend's permissive parenting I'm a FTM of a 10 mo. My son…
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Friend's permissive parenting
I'm a FTM of a 10 mo. My son is a highly active, very curious, low sleep needs soon-to-be toddler. A few mo ths ago i made friends with a fellow mom of an 8 mo and an almost 4 yo. I'm not looking to judge her in any way but to gain some insight into how normal what i'm about to describe is (as a warning for myself).
We initially hit it off, meeting quite often and having deep phone conversations about a lot of subjects. She described multiple times how much my son reminds her of her eldest as a baby. This little girl is bright, bouncy and at times very intense, as a lot of threenagers are. This is where question marks started popping up for me, as her mom seems to accomodate her endlessly.
She described how at home she struggles to impose boundaries such as not allowing her daughter in the bathroom while she's using the toilet, because otherwise "she suffers and remembers this even a month later". She can't study the local language (they ve recently relocated) even for 15 minutes at home because the eldest rejects spending time with dad, and if she tells her she needs to study a bit and listen to her later, she "will feel rejected".
She oftentimes says stuff like "i've embraced the chaos and whatever i manage to do for myself is ok". From what i've noticed she doesn't seem to impose basic rules like "please let mommy finish her sentence" and her days are entirely child-led: she doesn't take the youngest on strolls if the 4 yo doesn't feel like going outside (quite often).
She sent me a VN yesterday describing how a 10 minute walk home from the store down the road had taken them 2 hours instead because the the eldest kept breaking down over plants on the side of the road missing some leaves, explaining she avoided taking her home bt force because "that would mean crying at home as well". I also feel kinda baf for her youngest, as outside she sits in the carrier and doesn't get much interaction other than observing mom and her sibling interacting.
What i want to ask parents of toddlers and preschoolers is if this degree of accomodation seems to be reasonable. Since she often comments of how much my son resembles her eldest, i'm horrified our life could look like that one day, which i wouldn't deem as the healthiest for my son either.
#relationships
source
I'm a FTM of a 10 mo. My son is a highly active, very curious, low sleep needs soon-to-be toddler. A few mo ths ago i made friends with a fellow mom of an 8 mo and an almost 4 yo. I'm not looking to judge her in any way but to gain some insight into how normal what i'm about to describe is (as a warning for myself).
We initially hit it off, meeting quite often and having deep phone conversations about a lot of subjects. She described multiple times how much my son reminds her of her eldest as a baby. This little girl is bright, bouncy and at times very intense, as a lot of threenagers are. This is where question marks started popping up for me, as her mom seems to accomodate her endlessly.
She described how at home she struggles to impose boundaries such as not allowing her daughter in the bathroom while she's using the toilet, because otherwise "she suffers and remembers this even a month later". She can't study the local language (they ve recently relocated) even for 15 minutes at home because the eldest rejects spending time with dad, and if she tells her she needs to study a bit and listen to her later, she "will feel rejected".
She oftentimes says stuff like "i've embraced the chaos and whatever i manage to do for myself is ok". From what i've noticed she doesn't seem to impose basic rules like "please let mommy finish her sentence" and her days are entirely child-led: she doesn't take the youngest on strolls if the 4 yo doesn't feel like going outside (quite often).
She sent me a VN yesterday describing how a 10 minute walk home from the store down the road had taken them 2 hours instead because the the eldest kept breaking down over plants on the side of the road missing some leaves, explaining she avoided taking her home bt force because "that would mean crying at home as well". I also feel kinda baf for her youngest, as outside she sits in the carrier and doesn't get much interaction other than observing mom and her sibling interacting.
What i want to ask parents of toddlers and preschoolers is if this degree of accomodation seems to be reasonable. Since she often comments of how much my son resembles her eldest, i'm horrified our life could look like that one day, which i wouldn't deem as the healthiest for my son either.
#relationships
source
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