Stuff that I learned that isn´t the usual advice I spent a…
0 reactions
Stuff that I learned that isn´t the usual advice
I spent a long time reading about social skills the "standard" way: active listening, open body language, asking good questions, etc. That would be what I call Level 1 social skills. But that only gets you so far. There are some additional rules that I learned with time and did help me go a little bit further.
**1. Get out of your confort zone to generate stories you can use to connect.**
If you spend the weekend playing the same video games, you don't have much to say on Monday. Interacting with the world, trying things, and messing up is what generates stories that you then share and help you connect with people. Taking your car to the mechanic, inviting your mom to a new restaurant, volunteering for some local group, all of that is going to be full of funny and nice moments, as well as awkward ones and mistakes. But both (the good and the bad) become the stories you share later. They're what make you more interesting to talk to. Nobody wants to hear about your weekend if the weekend was just... nothing. It also makes you able to chime in in conversations since you have a lot more "living" experience and anechdotes that can be interesting or at least keep the conversation alive.
**2. Tolerance for awkward moments matters more than avoiding them.**
Something that surprised me once I started actually paying attention: socially skilled people deal with awkward moments and misunderstandings constantly. All. The. Time. They just have a higher tolerance for it. And a lot of the time, the awkward moment itself becomes a good story later, which loops right back into point 1. They just don't overthink it as much as you do. And they also have a lot more practice handling them since they ocurre so often. Realizing social skills wasn't about avoiding awkward situation but rather find a way around them really changed my perspective.
**3. Most friendships run on shared time, not shared interests.**
A common interest can start a friendship and help keep the spark alive, but if I look at my longest friendships, they have way more to do with proximity and time spent together than with how much we had in common. A lot of those shared moments weren't even especially fun or exciting. It's kind of like sexual attraction in a relationship: it matters a lot at the start, and it's what everyone wants to have forever, but the reality is that what sustains things long-term is mostly just being around each other and building trust over time. And many times interests change but hey, you trust this guy, so maybe we can grab a drink and talk about old times again.
Something I would like to clarify is I'm from a Southern Cone country so there are many cultural nuisances to be taken into account. This is just my experience. I'm open to reading about other experiences and discuss them.
#relationships
source
I spent a long time reading about social skills the "standard" way: active listening, open body language, asking good questions, etc. That would be what I call Level 1 social skills. But that only gets you so far. There are some additional rules that I learned with time and did help me go a little bit further.
**1. Get out of your confort zone to generate stories you can use to connect.**
If you spend the weekend playing the same video games, you don't have much to say on Monday. Interacting with the world, trying things, and messing up is what generates stories that you then share and help you connect with people. Taking your car to the mechanic, inviting your mom to a new restaurant, volunteering for some local group, all of that is going to be full of funny and nice moments, as well as awkward ones and mistakes. But both (the good and the bad) become the stories you share later. They're what make you more interesting to talk to. Nobody wants to hear about your weekend if the weekend was just... nothing. It also makes you able to chime in in conversations since you have a lot more "living" experience and anechdotes that can be interesting or at least keep the conversation alive.
**2. Tolerance for awkward moments matters more than avoiding them.**
Something that surprised me once I started actually paying attention: socially skilled people deal with awkward moments and misunderstandings constantly. All. The. Time. They just have a higher tolerance for it. And a lot of the time, the awkward moment itself becomes a good story later, which loops right back into point 1. They just don't overthink it as much as you do. And they also have a lot more practice handling them since they ocurre so often. Realizing social skills wasn't about avoiding awkward situation but rather find a way around them really changed my perspective.
**3. Most friendships run on shared time, not shared interests.**
A common interest can start a friendship and help keep the spark alive, but if I look at my longest friendships, they have way more to do with proximity and time spent together than with how much we had in common. A lot of those shared moments weren't even especially fun or exciting. It's kind of like sexual attraction in a relationship: it matters a lot at the start, and it's what everyone wants to have forever, but the reality is that what sustains things long-term is mostly just being around each other and building trust over time. And many times interests change but hey, you trust this guy, so maybe we can grab a drink and talk about old times again.
Something I would like to clarify is I'm from a Southern Cone country so there are many cultural nuisances to be taken into account. This is just my experience. I'm open to reading about other experiences and discuss them.
#relationships
source
| 0 mlx | |
| 0 | |
| 0 |