you keep waiting for someone to notice how much you're…
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you keep waiting for someone to notice how much you're holding and nobody's coming to check
there's a specific kind of tired that comes from being the person who always seems fine.
not fine in a fake way. genuinely capable, genuinely handling it, genuinely someone people don't worry about because you've never given them a reason to. and that reputation, once it's built, sort of runs on its own after a while. people stop asking how you're doing in the real way. they ask it the way you ask a cashier, expecting the automatic answer, and you give it to them because that's the answer the question was built for.
so nobody's actually checking anymore. not because they don't care. because you trained them, without meaning to, that checking wasn't necessary.
and some part of you is still waiting for someone to see past the automatic answer. to ask a second time. to notice the gap between what you said and what's actually happening and push on it gently instead of accepting the first thing you offered.
it doesn't come. mostly. and you keep waiting anyway, a little, even while telling yourself you've stopped expecting it.
here's the uncomfortable part. you're going to have to be the one who breaks the pattern. not them. you built the wall so well that expecting someone else to see through it is asking them to do something you specifically engineered them not to be able to do.
that means saying the real thing before someone asks the right way. it means answering "how are you" honestly at least once even though it feels like handing someone something heavier than the moment called for. it means risking the awkward silence that sometimes follows an honest answer instead of the smooth exchange that follows the automatic one.
you don't have to overhaul everything. just once, this week, with one person, try the honest version instead of the automatic one.
it'll feel strange in your mouth. it's supposed to. you haven't used that version in a while.
#inspiration
there's a specific kind of tired that comes from being the person who always seems fine.
not fine in a fake way. genuinely capable, genuinely handling it, genuinely someone people don't worry about because you've never given them a reason to. and that reputation, once it's built, sort of runs on its own after a while. people stop asking how you're doing in the real way. they ask it the way you ask a cashier, expecting the automatic answer, and you give it to them because that's the answer the question was built for.
so nobody's actually checking anymore. not because they don't care. because you trained them, without meaning to, that checking wasn't necessary.
and some part of you is still waiting for someone to see past the automatic answer. to ask a second time. to notice the gap between what you said and what's actually happening and push on it gently instead of accepting the first thing you offered.
it doesn't come. mostly. and you keep waiting anyway, a little, even while telling yourself you've stopped expecting it.
here's the uncomfortable part. you're going to have to be the one who breaks the pattern. not them. you built the wall so well that expecting someone else to see through it is asking them to do something you specifically engineered them not to be able to do.
that means saying the real thing before someone asks the right way. it means answering "how are you" honestly at least once even though it feels like handing someone something heavier than the moment called for. it means risking the awkward silence that sometimes follows an honest answer instead of the smooth exchange that follows the automatic one.
you don't have to overhaul everything. just once, this week, with one person, try the honest version instead of the automatic one.
it'll feel strange in your mouth. it's supposed to. you haven't used that version in a while.
#inspiration
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