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Confused about relationships
I attend therapy and have noticed something in my friendships. For example, when I don't send a reel to a friend for a day, or we haven't talked to each other for a day or more, I feel like they will think I am angry at them. The opposite is also true: when they don't text me or call me, I feel like they realised something and now hate me. It's like I need to check if the friendship is alive. In the past I've had relationships where, because of a misunderstanding, they ended.
For example, I notice other things as well - when I'm part of a group of friends, and we have different interests, it feels like I'm the problem. I feel like I'm supposed to be interested in their interests. I've noticed that, given the events that have happened in my life, I'm much wiser than my friends, and somehow it feels like they aren't the right crowd for me because they act childishly - but there's no one else my age. For example, if we're at a party where people are drinking, I feel guilty for not drinking; I really don't think it's necessary. I always feel like I'm the only one responsible for the friendship and that the problem lies with me.
Another thing is that I'm afraid to call my friends, even though I want to. The thought that I shouldn't bother them crosses my mind. I feel as if I'm not important, that my desires don't matter. Also, when I see a friend who is out with someone else I feel worried that he will leave me.
I wonder how I end up not doing certain things out of fear of being rejected, and that makes me inauthentic - and maybe that's what's causing my problems. Also, I feel like I search for the perfect company or friend - idealistic. I've been bullied and had toxic relationships, so I think that adds up.
This post is a bit chaotic, sorry, but I'm confused too; I'd love to hear your thoughts. Where is my problem?
#relationships
source
I attend therapy and have noticed something in my friendships. For example, when I don't send a reel to a friend for a day, or we haven't talked to each other for a day or more, I feel like they will think I am angry at them. The opposite is also true: when they don't text me or call me, I feel like they realised something and now hate me. It's like I need to check if the friendship is alive. In the past I've had relationships where, because of a misunderstanding, they ended.
For example, I notice other things as well - when I'm part of a group of friends, and we have different interests, it feels like I'm the problem. I feel like I'm supposed to be interested in their interests. I've noticed that, given the events that have happened in my life, I'm much wiser than my friends, and somehow it feels like they aren't the right crowd for me because they act childishly - but there's no one else my age. For example, if we're at a party where people are drinking, I feel guilty for not drinking; I really don't think it's necessary. I always feel like I'm the only one responsible for the friendship and that the problem lies with me.
Another thing is that I'm afraid to call my friends, even though I want to. The thought that I shouldn't bother them crosses my mind. I feel as if I'm not important, that my desires don't matter. Also, when I see a friend who is out with someone else I feel worried that he will leave me.
I wonder how I end up not doing certain things out of fear of being rejected, and that makes me inauthentic - and maybe that's what's causing my problems. Also, I feel like I search for the perfect company or friend - idealistic. I've been bullied and had toxic relationships, so I think that adds up.
This post is a bit chaotic, sorry, but I'm confused too; I'd love to hear your thoughts. Where is my problem?
#relationships
source
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