What the hell happened? So I met this woman (in her early…
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What the hell happened?
So I met this woman (in her early 30s). At the beginning, our dating intentions were slightly different. She told me she was open for a serious relationship, while I was still figuring out my dating goals because I was planning to move to Asia in the future. Despite that difference, we agreed to simply enjoy getting to know each other without putting pressure on where it would lead. We also agreed that if either of us developed stronger feelings or our intentions changed, we would communicate that openly.
She also told me she came from a really toxic relationship three years ago, and every time i was with her, she was very sweet but i still felt like this invisible barrier in front of her. Her behaviour felt a bit exaggerated and played.
Over the course of about six weeks, we spent a lot of time together. We went on dates, visited museums, had sex several times, were affectionate in public, kissed, cuddled, and generally shared experiences that, from my perspective, felt increasingly intimate and romantic. She often expressed that she really enjoyed spending time and the experience with me and told me she appreciated that I planned activities for us. She said that this experience with me was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. She also kept meaningful reminders of our time together, such as museum tickets and even framed one of my drawings I did.
After 1.5 months, I realized my feelings had changed. Although I had originally been unsure about what I was looking for, I discovered that I genuinely wanted to explore the possibility of a serious relationship with her. I told her that I wasn’t asking to become exclusive immediately, but that I no longer wanted to date casually and wanted to leave the door open for something deeper if it developed naturally. She didn't give me a clear answer but also said she isn't seeing anyone else.
After that conversation, something shifted. She became more distant and told me she needed some time to do “inner work.” During that time she had a therapy session and said it had helped her reflect. While she continued interacting with me occasionally, including sending selfies of herself, we didn’t see each other again.
A short time later, she sent me a message explaining that, although she had genuinely enjoyed getting to know me, she did not want to pursue an exclusive relationship because “the romantic connection just isn’t there” for her. She apologized for ending things over text instead of in person, explaining that she found it too difficult to have that conversation face to face and didn’t think it was fair to keep me waiting any longer for clarity.
I replied by thanking her for her honesty, telling her there were no hard feelings, acknowledging that I had probably come on a little strong, and saying that if she ever wanted to hang out, she could let me know.
Since then, I’ve been trying to understand what happened. The biggest source of confusion for me is how someone who shared so much affection, intimacy and enjoyable experiences with me could later say there wasn’t a romantic connection. I’ve questioned whether I moved too quickly, whether I misunderstood the relationship, whether attachment styles played a role, and whether things might have developed differently if I had waited longer before sharing my desire for something more serious.
At the same time, I’m working on accepting that her decision was genuine, even if I don’t fully understand it.
What are your thoughts on this sudden shift? I really struggle to understand what was going on.
#relationships
source
So I met this woman (in her early 30s). At the beginning, our dating intentions were slightly different. She told me she was open for a serious relationship, while I was still figuring out my dating goals because I was planning to move to Asia in the future. Despite that difference, we agreed to simply enjoy getting to know each other without putting pressure on where it would lead. We also agreed that if either of us developed stronger feelings or our intentions changed, we would communicate that openly.
She also told me she came from a really toxic relationship three years ago, and every time i was with her, she was very sweet but i still felt like this invisible barrier in front of her. Her behaviour felt a bit exaggerated and played.
Over the course of about six weeks, we spent a lot of time together. We went on dates, visited museums, had sex several times, were affectionate in public, kissed, cuddled, and generally shared experiences that, from my perspective, felt increasingly intimate and romantic. She often expressed that she really enjoyed spending time and the experience with me and told me she appreciated that I planned activities for us. She said that this experience with me was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. She also kept meaningful reminders of our time together, such as museum tickets and even framed one of my drawings I did.
After 1.5 months, I realized my feelings had changed. Although I had originally been unsure about what I was looking for, I discovered that I genuinely wanted to explore the possibility of a serious relationship with her. I told her that I wasn’t asking to become exclusive immediately, but that I no longer wanted to date casually and wanted to leave the door open for something deeper if it developed naturally. She didn't give me a clear answer but also said she isn't seeing anyone else.
After that conversation, something shifted. She became more distant and told me she needed some time to do “inner work.” During that time she had a therapy session and said it had helped her reflect. While she continued interacting with me occasionally, including sending selfies of herself, we didn’t see each other again.
A short time later, she sent me a message explaining that, although she had genuinely enjoyed getting to know me, she did not want to pursue an exclusive relationship because “the romantic connection just isn’t there” for her. She apologized for ending things over text instead of in person, explaining that she found it too difficult to have that conversation face to face and didn’t think it was fair to keep me waiting any longer for clarity.
I replied by thanking her for her honesty, telling her there were no hard feelings, acknowledging that I had probably come on a little strong, and saying that if she ever wanted to hang out, she could let me know.
Since then, I’ve been trying to understand what happened. The biggest source of confusion for me is how someone who shared so much affection, intimacy and enjoyable experiences with me could later say there wasn’t a romantic connection. I’ve questioned whether I moved too quickly, whether I misunderstood the relationship, whether attachment styles played a role, and whether things might have developed differently if I had waited longer before sharing my desire for something more serious.
At the same time, I’m working on accepting that her decision was genuine, even if I don’t fully understand it.
What are your thoughts on this sudden shift? I really struggle to understand what was going on.
#relationships
source
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