Did I really messed up ? Can’t sleep because ruminations…
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Did I really messed up ? Can’t sleep because ruminations
Today we were going to the park with my 7y.o kid. I didn’t want to go because I have social anxiety but I decided to make an effort, but it was a bad idea as because of my anxiety I struggled to focus and was quietly disconnected the entire time. I also didn’t want to be perceived at all this day. Bad luck. There was a school friend of my kid at time park, so my kid met her parent. Because the issues I mentioned above, I directly went on a bend and felt uncomfortable, watched my phone as to try sidetracking my anxiety (which is irresponsible). My mistake then is that because I didn’t want to be perceived and felt awkward, I awkwardly moved to another spot despite there was nothing in that spot that could have excused me to move there, so if it was seen it probably felt weird. I hope it wasn’t noticed. Later I followed my kid to a farther playground in the park and when he afterwards returned to the other parent I took a longer path explicitly not to pass in front of them. I went back on the first, closer bench. Felt horribly awkward all the time still. Didnt dare approaching.
Is everything in my head ? Or was my avoidant behavior too obvious ?
I m really scared I appeared as a massive weirdo.
Back home I felt awful and disconnected because of that unable to do anything and we ate late, I cried several hours after.
I feel a failed parent also for not having making enough efforts for my kid.
#relationships
source
Today we were going to the park with my 7y.o kid. I didn’t want to go because I have social anxiety but I decided to make an effort, but it was a bad idea as because of my anxiety I struggled to focus and was quietly disconnected the entire time. I also didn’t want to be perceived at all this day. Bad luck. There was a school friend of my kid at time park, so my kid met her parent. Because the issues I mentioned above, I directly went on a bend and felt uncomfortable, watched my phone as to try sidetracking my anxiety (which is irresponsible). My mistake then is that because I didn’t want to be perceived and felt awkward, I awkwardly moved to another spot despite there was nothing in that spot that could have excused me to move there, so if it was seen it probably felt weird. I hope it wasn’t noticed. Later I followed my kid to a farther playground in the park and when he afterwards returned to the other parent I took a longer path explicitly not to pass in front of them. I went back on the first, closer bench. Felt horribly awkward all the time still. Didnt dare approaching.
Is everything in my head ? Or was my avoidant behavior too obvious ?
I m really scared I appeared as a massive weirdo.
Back home I felt awful and disconnected because of that unable to do anything and we ate late, I cried several hours after.
I feel a failed parent also for not having making enough efforts for my kid.
#relationships
source
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