Advice wanted, Difficult friendship communication Hello…
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Advice wanted, Difficult friendship communication
Hello, long-time reader, first-time poster.
I’m a middle‑aged woman navigating a tricky communication issue with a childhood friend. He’s a middle‑aged man with some autistic communication tendencies and tends to be very self‑centered in conversation. We have recently reconnected after decades apart. As I get older, I’ve realized how meaningful it is to have someone who remembers where I came from. I want to keep this friendship, but I’m struggling.
The challenge: our conversations are extremely unbalanced. He texts or speaks almost continuously, mostly about himself, and doesn’t seem aware of conversational reciprocity. I’ve experimented with assertively taking about 50% of the airtime to model turn‑taking, but it feels aggressive and hasn’t changed anything. Worse, he seems to get bored and have to go feed his kid or go to bed soon after I bring myself into the conversation. I’ve had two terrible marriages, and the obviousness of the red flags is screaming at me: fuck this guy.
I’m not trying to date him, just be friends. I can see why he is divorced, and as a friend and fellow divorcee, I want to offer him some clarity about how to handle communication and ego differently. While I am aware that this is “not my circus and not my monkeys”, this is the kinder, gentler world I want to exist in. I believe in helping each other, especially as autistic spectrum runs in my family, too.
I’m trying to decide between:
• Direct communication about wanting more balanced interaction
• Adjusting expectations and accepting that he may not be capable of reciprocal conversation
• Letting the relationship fade if the dynamic continues to drain/hurt me
I’d appreciate perspectives from people who’ve managed friendships with uneven communication patterns. Thank you!
#relationships
source
Hello, long-time reader, first-time poster.
I’m a middle‑aged woman navigating a tricky communication issue with a childhood friend. He’s a middle‑aged man with some autistic communication tendencies and tends to be very self‑centered in conversation. We have recently reconnected after decades apart. As I get older, I’ve realized how meaningful it is to have someone who remembers where I came from. I want to keep this friendship, but I’m struggling.
The challenge: our conversations are extremely unbalanced. He texts or speaks almost continuously, mostly about himself, and doesn’t seem aware of conversational reciprocity. I’ve experimented with assertively taking about 50% of the airtime to model turn‑taking, but it feels aggressive and hasn’t changed anything. Worse, he seems to get bored and have to go feed his kid or go to bed soon after I bring myself into the conversation. I’ve had two terrible marriages, and the obviousness of the red flags is screaming at me: fuck this guy.
I’m not trying to date him, just be friends. I can see why he is divorced, and as a friend and fellow divorcee, I want to offer him some clarity about how to handle communication and ego differently. While I am aware that this is “not my circus and not my monkeys”, this is the kinder, gentler world I want to exist in. I believe in helping each other, especially as autistic spectrum runs in my family, too.
I’m trying to decide between:
• Direct communication about wanting more balanced interaction
• Adjusting expectations and accepting that he may not be capable of reciprocal conversation
• Letting the relationship fade if the dynamic continues to drain/hurt me
I’d appreciate perspectives from people who’ve managed friendships with uneven communication patterns. Thank you!
#relationships
source
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