Feeling forced :/ I do pray, make dua and stuff, but I…
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Feeling forced :/
I do pray, make dua and stuff, but I don't feel very close to Allah. Hence i've planed to go sermons on wenesday at my local mosque to perhaps increase my imaan. ( I do go for dhuhr prayer and sermons on Fridays aswell ofc )
Now the thing is I'm slowly starting to come back, step by step, seeing meanings of the quran verses and such. However, it feels like a cycle, once I start to begin to put an effort, my mum does something. Now she basically is forcing me to register with a quran reading class, even tho I can read since I've been practicing it for years by now. And sometimes she may tell me, go to mosque forcibly, which causes my recovery to islam to weaken imo because then it starts to feel like I'm doing it for her, not for me personally to slowly comeback.
I believe it can be a beautiful and peaceful thing to have a strong imaan, but I want to do it slowly, step by step, each attempt I try, she finds a way to sort of ruin it. additionally, I privately read quran in my room sometimes, I like to read when no one's looking, so that it feels like I'm doing for the sake of worshipping Allah, however, whenever I do this, she starts to make a judgement that I'm not reciting since she can't see me reciting, even tho I personally am, which is very frustrating to me because I wanna worship to Allah, not just because my mum wants to see me worshipping. I've told her I'm reciting by myself when no one's their, yet she's not convinced and seems to ignore what I say.
#religion
source
I do pray, make dua and stuff, but I don't feel very close to Allah. Hence i've planed to go sermons on wenesday at my local mosque to perhaps increase my imaan. ( I do go for dhuhr prayer and sermons on Fridays aswell ofc )
Now the thing is I'm slowly starting to come back, step by step, seeing meanings of the quran verses and such. However, it feels like a cycle, once I start to begin to put an effort, my mum does something. Now she basically is forcing me to register with a quran reading class, even tho I can read since I've been practicing it for years by now. And sometimes she may tell me, go to mosque forcibly, which causes my recovery to islam to weaken imo because then it starts to feel like I'm doing it for her, not for me personally to slowly comeback.
I believe it can be a beautiful and peaceful thing to have a strong imaan, but I want to do it slowly, step by step, each attempt I try, she finds a way to sort of ruin it. additionally, I privately read quran in my room sometimes, I like to read when no one's looking, so that it feels like I'm doing for the sake of worshipping Allah, however, whenever I do this, she starts to make a judgement that I'm not reciting since she can't see me reciting, even tho I personally am, which is very frustrating to me because I wanna worship to Allah, not just because my mum wants to see me worshipping. I've told her I'm reciting by myself when no one's their, yet she's not convinced and seems to ignore what I say.
#religion
source
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