How to tell my friend that when I invite her, her BFF is…
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How to tell my friend that when I invite her, her BFF is not invited?
I have a work acquaintance who became a good friend after I quit the job where I first met her, and we've been friends for about 1.5 years. I regularly hang out with her; we go out for dinner and drinks, sing karaoke, or stay in for board game nights at least twice a month. I see her as someone who I could become really close to, and I really enjoy our friendship.
My friend's (who will now be called Mutual Friend) BFF moved to our city about 4 months ago (they've known each other for more than a decade). I've made a sincere effort to get to know BFF and have hung out with BFF many times now, but I just cannot connect with her. I'm embarrassed to admit that I find her Really Annoying. When I organize karaoke nights, she sits in the corner and barely engages with singing or talking to anyone other than Mutual Friend (even when it's a small group). When we have board game nights, she's always on her phone instead of participating and makes loud unrelated comments about whatever she's looking at in the middle of our conversations. During hangouts, she makes jokes about Mutual Friend that make me really uncomfortable, like saying "We all know you're a horndog" in a group of acquaintances. The worst part is that none of these things have happened in situations where I've felt comfortable enough to call them out, so I just feel a slow death by one thousand annoyances.
I can't just tell Mutual Friend that I want to hang out with only her and not BFF because they're connected at the hip. Whenever our friend group has a hangout, both of them always show up together. BFF doesn't drive so Mutual Friend brings them everywhere with her. I've honestly been getting so annoyed by her that I haven't been showing up to hangouts I used to love, which is embarrassing to admit.
The issue: I regularly schedule hangouts using a party-planning app and always let my friends bring plus-ones. I was planning on scheduling another one soon, but I know Mutual Friend is always going to bring BFF if I leave plus-ones on as an option. I still really like Mutual Friend, just not her BFF.
How do I tell her that if I invite her to hang out, BFF isn't invited? Do I just need to get over myself and deal with it? Should I keep hanging out with both her and BFF, even if BFF annoys me, to preserve our friendship? Do I give up and stop hanging out with Mutual Friend altogether? Help!!!
#relationships
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I have a work acquaintance who became a good friend after I quit the job where I first met her, and we've been friends for about 1.5 years. I regularly hang out with her; we go out for dinner and drinks, sing karaoke, or stay in for board game nights at least twice a month. I see her as someone who I could become really close to, and I really enjoy our friendship.
My friend's (who will now be called Mutual Friend) BFF moved to our city about 4 months ago (they've known each other for more than a decade). I've made a sincere effort to get to know BFF and have hung out with BFF many times now, but I just cannot connect with her. I'm embarrassed to admit that I find her Really Annoying. When I organize karaoke nights, she sits in the corner and barely engages with singing or talking to anyone other than Mutual Friend (even when it's a small group). When we have board game nights, she's always on her phone instead of participating and makes loud unrelated comments about whatever she's looking at in the middle of our conversations. During hangouts, she makes jokes about Mutual Friend that make me really uncomfortable, like saying "We all know you're a horndog" in a group of acquaintances. The worst part is that none of these things have happened in situations where I've felt comfortable enough to call them out, so I just feel a slow death by one thousand annoyances.
I can't just tell Mutual Friend that I want to hang out with only her and not BFF because they're connected at the hip. Whenever our friend group has a hangout, both of them always show up together. BFF doesn't drive so Mutual Friend brings them everywhere with her. I've honestly been getting so annoyed by her that I haven't been showing up to hangouts I used to love, which is embarrassing to admit.
The issue: I regularly schedule hangouts using a party-planning app and always let my friends bring plus-ones. I was planning on scheduling another one soon, but I know Mutual Friend is always going to bring BFF if I leave plus-ones on as an option. I still really like Mutual Friend, just not her BFF.
How do I tell her that if I invite her to hang out, BFF isn't invited? Do I just need to get over myself and deal with it? Should I keep hanging out with both her and BFF, even if BFF annoys me, to preserve our friendship? Do I give up and stop hanging out with Mutual Friend altogether? Help!!!
#relationships
source
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