For people who made close friends in adulthood, how did…
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For people who made close friends in adulthood, how did you do it.
27 and trying really hard to make friends and hopefully find a life partner too. I’ve struggled socially my whole life due to being neurodivergent and shy. College was especially rough. At least in high school I had classes with the same people all year long so it was much easier to see who I clicked with versus who was bad news. I made the terrible mistake of going home every weekend first because of a terrible roommate situation my first year and later because I was too jaded, lonely, and overwhelmed on campus. I was very stressed academically and concerned with getting good grades (my first semester was rough partially because of said roommate’s antics) so socializing was on the back burner. My extrovert mom, who is the antithesis of me, tried to force me to join an acapella group on campus thinking I’d make friends. I didn’t do so, one because I heard rumors they did hazing, and also because I worried long rehearsals would get in the way of my schoolwork. On weekends in college I did start therapy and did professional training programs but it still stings that I never found kind, accepting friends like everyone was adamant I inevitably would. Now that I recently got my Master’s and am employed, I’m trying to put myself out there. I recently joined a chorus. I’m still not super close to anyone there yet but am proud of myself for not becoming resigned like I did in college. I’m lucky enough to have a best friend from childhood who I’ve known for 18 years, another close friend I’ve known since we were 13 (left public school after 7th grade because of bullying), keep in touch with a few people from high school, and a few people I met after college. I still feel lonely and worry people will reject me when they learn about my past. All I want is to find my people and not ruminate over being a pariah in middle school and college. I don't have typical neurodivergent hobbies like D&D, robotics, gaming, or cosplay and my co-workers are a lot older.
#relationships
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27 and trying really hard to make friends and hopefully find a life partner too. I’ve struggled socially my whole life due to being neurodivergent and shy. College was especially rough. At least in high school I had classes with the same people all year long so it was much easier to see who I clicked with versus who was bad news. I made the terrible mistake of going home every weekend first because of a terrible roommate situation my first year and later because I was too jaded, lonely, and overwhelmed on campus. I was very stressed academically and concerned with getting good grades (my first semester was rough partially because of said roommate’s antics) so socializing was on the back burner. My extrovert mom, who is the antithesis of me, tried to force me to join an acapella group on campus thinking I’d make friends. I didn’t do so, one because I heard rumors they did hazing, and also because I worried long rehearsals would get in the way of my schoolwork. On weekends in college I did start therapy and did professional training programs but it still stings that I never found kind, accepting friends like everyone was adamant I inevitably would. Now that I recently got my Master’s and am employed, I’m trying to put myself out there. I recently joined a chorus. I’m still not super close to anyone there yet but am proud of myself for not becoming resigned like I did in college. I’m lucky enough to have a best friend from childhood who I’ve known for 18 years, another close friend I’ve known since we were 13 (left public school after 7th grade because of bullying), keep in touch with a few people from high school, and a few people I met after college. I still feel lonely and worry people will reject me when they learn about my past. All I want is to find my people and not ruminate over being a pariah in middle school and college. I don't have typical neurodivergent hobbies like D&D, robotics, gaming, or cosplay and my co-workers are a lot older.
#relationships
source
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