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how powerful are instincts and thinking or feelings?

I just feel like my instincts are so powerful like whatever I feel or worry the most about always seems to happy but the things I hope for doesn't happen. It's like I want to travel somewhere because me and my siblings are deciding to move yet Everytime I think about it, like this inner feeling or voice just wants to say no. And I went to the airport 3 times but ended up coming home simply because I couldn't decide where to go. I kept complaining and worrying about the price and dates and when will show me their town as if deep down I wanted to avoid my relatives. But on the other hand, I also feel bad that why didn't I buy a ticket. And I seem to worry about it but then I also don't want to go either. It's like what the heck is my mind doing with me. And the things I wish and hope will happen usually never goes like getting rid of fear, facing the uncomfortable. As if it's unavoidable.
#inspiration
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