Moving out as a single muslim woman I am 22 years old my…
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Moving out as a single muslim woman
I am 22 years old my parents forced me into a nikkah with my cousin (i said no) 4 years ago. I am from the states he is from back home in Pakistan. I have barely spoken to that man in the past 4 years. (Back story from that is that my dad left me and my mom to get a second wife back in pakistan and she ended up taking me back with her to save her marriage and i couldn’t go to college and i was stuck in a room for like 7 months losing my mind until my mom said marry ur cousin and then u can leave) i said no to the nikkah, but they did it anyway. Also another thing to mention. This is multiple generations of cousin marriage, my grandparents and parents are first cousins, his grandparents are related and his parents are first cousins and then WE’RE FIRST COUSINS.
He doesn’t speak english he had 4 years to learn, and has never had a job he is about to be 25. He is getting a degree in computer science apparently?? But the job market for that is cooked and extremely competitive.
My parents say he is the perfect fit because he is patient and respectful. But that is the bare minimum?? My mom never had that with my father since he had always been abusive and never was considerate of her feelings so this is a big deal for her. She does what my dad says blindly, and has never stood up for herself or me. Because she can’t cuz hes verbally abusive but also cuz she believes that u have to blindly obey your husband or u go to hell.
I have had a hard life, regardless of being in the states, i have been moving from basement to basement with my parents while trying to do good in school to have a better life for myself and my kids in the future. I’m trying to get into med school or anything medical related. My dad told me that “oh when he comes here ur gonna have to live in basements for a bit” THAT IS THE FUTURE THEY SEE FOR ME.
Yes i understand he is patient and respectful and they see it as a safe options for me but i dont want that. I dont know what i want honestly. i’m lost, but ik i dont wanna get married rn. I’d rather be in basements alone than with my cousin from back home.
Now they wanna take me back to pakistan forcefully and get me officially sent off. I have told my mom no, she says well theres nothing i can do now, what will people say and that her relationship with her sister will be ruined. Their whole plan is to take me back and keep me there, until i comply and spend time with him.
I have a friend i can move in with, i spoke with her, i have a job, and i wanna leave! my only problem is that islamically ur not supposed to cut ties with ur family and my family is kinda insane. Ik if i leave my mom will be severely affected and my dad will not be kind and she will also in general just take it horribly, and i dont wanna be the reason she gets hurt, but i also dont wanna marry him. i dont know what to do. I love my mom very much.. shes the woman who raised me so idk. Also my mom emotionally blackmails like crazy.. so i always feel horrible regardless.
Side note: my uncle (my dads youngest brother) knows and he told me to move out and save myself, and is actively trying to help me. But this is not a small thing this is my life and i don’t wanna make the wrong decision. Living without your parents and not having them in your life is rough and lowkey seems miserable. i love them and i try my best to respect them and listen to them. I have been the perfect daughter so i don’t understand..
(Please make dua for me that may Allah have me make the right decision, grant me a healthy relationship with my parents! And grant me a husband i actually want and is good for me, Ameen. It will mean a lot!)
Tldr: is running away and saving my future from marriage with my fob cousin worth sending my mom to the hospital for and whats the islamic ruling.
#religion
source
I am 22 years old my parents forced me into a nikkah with my cousin (i said no) 4 years ago. I am from the states he is from back home in Pakistan. I have barely spoken to that man in the past 4 years. (Back story from that is that my dad left me and my mom to get a second wife back in pakistan and she ended up taking me back with her to save her marriage and i couldn’t go to college and i was stuck in a room for like 7 months losing my mind until my mom said marry ur cousin and then u can leave) i said no to the nikkah, but they did it anyway. Also another thing to mention. This is multiple generations of cousin marriage, my grandparents and parents are first cousins, his grandparents are related and his parents are first cousins and then WE’RE FIRST COUSINS.
He doesn’t speak english he had 4 years to learn, and has never had a job he is about to be 25. He is getting a degree in computer science apparently?? But the job market for that is cooked and extremely competitive.
My parents say he is the perfect fit because he is patient and respectful. But that is the bare minimum?? My mom never had that with my father since he had always been abusive and never was considerate of her feelings so this is a big deal for her. She does what my dad says blindly, and has never stood up for herself or me. Because she can’t cuz hes verbally abusive but also cuz she believes that u have to blindly obey your husband or u go to hell.
I have had a hard life, regardless of being in the states, i have been moving from basement to basement with my parents while trying to do good in school to have a better life for myself and my kids in the future. I’m trying to get into med school or anything medical related. My dad told me that “oh when he comes here ur gonna have to live in basements for a bit” THAT IS THE FUTURE THEY SEE FOR ME.
Yes i understand he is patient and respectful and they see it as a safe options for me but i dont want that. I dont know what i want honestly. i’m lost, but ik i dont wanna get married rn. I’d rather be in basements alone than with my cousin from back home.
Now they wanna take me back to pakistan forcefully and get me officially sent off. I have told my mom no, she says well theres nothing i can do now, what will people say and that her relationship with her sister will be ruined. Their whole plan is to take me back and keep me there, until i comply and spend time with him.
I have a friend i can move in with, i spoke with her, i have a job, and i wanna leave! my only problem is that islamically ur not supposed to cut ties with ur family and my family is kinda insane. Ik if i leave my mom will be severely affected and my dad will not be kind and she will also in general just take it horribly, and i dont wanna be the reason she gets hurt, but i also dont wanna marry him. i dont know what to do. I love my mom very much.. shes the woman who raised me so idk. Also my mom emotionally blackmails like crazy.. so i always feel horrible regardless.
Side note: my uncle (my dads youngest brother) knows and he told me to move out and save myself, and is actively trying to help me. But this is not a small thing this is my life and i don’t wanna make the wrong decision. Living without your parents and not having them in your life is rough and lowkey seems miserable. i love them and i try my best to respect them and listen to them. I have been the perfect daughter so i don’t understand..
(Please make dua for me that may Allah have me make the right decision, grant me a healthy relationship with my parents! And grant me a husband i actually want and is good for me, Ameen. It will mean a lot!)
Tldr: is running away and saving my future from marriage with my fob cousin worth sending my mom to the hospital for and whats the islamic ruling.
#religion
source
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