How to hold a conversation instead of interrogating the…
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How to hold a conversation instead of interrogating the other person?
# My problem:
When meeting new people, I basically I run into the same issue all the time.
Since I don‘t know the other person I‘ll ask them one question after the other, such as „How do you like this place?“, „Where did you work/study/live before?“, „How did you like that?“ etc etc. In my head I always thought this is a nice approach because it shows I‘m interested in the other person. I got one of these „ask me a question“ book as a kid with 50 questions inside and I memorized them all and still ask them. I can‘t stop. I also like quizzes so maybe that‘s where this is coming from.
The problem is that I‘ll just keep asking questions or I‘ll just reply „nice“ and then I don‘t know what to say if the other person says nothing and doesn‘t ask me anything back. It makes me cringe so bad just thinking about it. I can tell that people will be first interested in talking to me and then interest just drops off like crazy in the first 3 min and they think I‘m offputting. I‘ve ruined quite a few first impressions with that approach but don‘t know what to do.
In a management book I‘ve now read, asking questions is a bad active listening practice because you‘re basically dominating the conversation with questions. Unfortunately it didn‘t elaborate on what to do instead.
I can also tell that in IRL when I do this, people will be answering increasingly short and the worst thing is they don‘t ask me anything back so it makes me feel like I‘m completely uninteresting. I feel more and more hesitant to meet people because I legit don‘t know how to converse anymore.
# Question
So the question is: how do you losen up a conversation and making it flow by not asking questions?
#relationships
source
# My problem:
When meeting new people, I basically I run into the same issue all the time.
Since I don‘t know the other person I‘ll ask them one question after the other, such as „How do you like this place?“, „Where did you work/study/live before?“, „How did you like that?“ etc etc. In my head I always thought this is a nice approach because it shows I‘m interested in the other person. I got one of these „ask me a question“ book as a kid with 50 questions inside and I memorized them all and still ask them. I can‘t stop. I also like quizzes so maybe that‘s where this is coming from.
The problem is that I‘ll just keep asking questions or I‘ll just reply „nice“ and then I don‘t know what to say if the other person says nothing and doesn‘t ask me anything back. It makes me cringe so bad just thinking about it. I can tell that people will be first interested in talking to me and then interest just drops off like crazy in the first 3 min and they think I‘m offputting. I‘ve ruined quite a few first impressions with that approach but don‘t know what to do.
In a management book I‘ve now read, asking questions is a bad active listening practice because you‘re basically dominating the conversation with questions. Unfortunately it didn‘t elaborate on what to do instead.
I can also tell that in IRL when I do this, people will be answering increasingly short and the worst thing is they don‘t ask me anything back so it makes me feel like I‘m completely uninteresting. I feel more and more hesitant to meet people because I legit don‘t know how to converse anymore.
# Question
So the question is: how do you losen up a conversation and making it flow by not asking questions?
#relationships
source
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