How do I get past my anxieties in this type of situation…
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How do I get past my anxieties in this type of situation?
I've been trying to go to meetups in my area when I can, but I've gotten really in my head about it. The first time I went I just sat and listened to the conversation most of the time and only participated at the end, which was fine. The second time I went was at a winery I'd never been to before. I was really nervous and was physically shaking while getting out of my car. I was a little flustered and located the group to say hi before ordering a drink. I felt like I got mostly stares and didn't feel very welcome, at least initially. I awkwardly excused myself to go inside ("We order inside, right?") I then mispronounced the wine I ordered in front of someone really attractive who was part of the group. Then, when I went back out, I just selected the first and easiest chair that I saw because there wasn't really anyone welcoming newcomers and saying "hey, sit anywhere, these particular seats are free!" Honestly, if it wasn't for an exceptionally friendly older woman I sat close to, I might have had a very rough time but I was able to loosen up talking with her.
I came across them another time while I was out with my child and I felt like it would be weird both to ignore them and to say hi. So I stopped real quick to say hi because I felt like that would be better. I felt like I was getting black stares again. And it's just really got me feeling crappy about myself.
Friends, is this the norm? When I think "welcoming and friendly group" I imagine something a lot more...outreaching? Like, actively welcoming. I want to feel like people want me around but have a hard time feeling like that's the case.
Edit to add: I also feel like I'm intruding any time I try to involve myself in groups I've joined, like on Discord. So my interactions are very limited.
#relationships
source
I've been trying to go to meetups in my area when I can, but I've gotten really in my head about it. The first time I went I just sat and listened to the conversation most of the time and only participated at the end, which was fine. The second time I went was at a winery I'd never been to before. I was really nervous and was physically shaking while getting out of my car. I was a little flustered and located the group to say hi before ordering a drink. I felt like I got mostly stares and didn't feel very welcome, at least initially. I awkwardly excused myself to go inside ("We order inside, right?") I then mispronounced the wine I ordered in front of someone really attractive who was part of the group. Then, when I went back out, I just selected the first and easiest chair that I saw because there wasn't really anyone welcoming newcomers and saying "hey, sit anywhere, these particular seats are free!" Honestly, if it wasn't for an exceptionally friendly older woman I sat close to, I might have had a very rough time but I was able to loosen up talking with her.
I came across them another time while I was out with my child and I felt like it would be weird both to ignore them and to say hi. So I stopped real quick to say hi because I felt like that would be better. I felt like I was getting black stares again. And it's just really got me feeling crappy about myself.
Friends, is this the norm? When I think "welcoming and friendly group" I imagine something a lot more...outreaching? Like, actively welcoming. I want to feel like people want me around but have a hard time feeling like that's the case.
Edit to add: I also feel like I'm intruding any time I try to involve myself in groups I've joined, like on Discord. So my interactions are very limited.
#relationships
source
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