How do I stop being too accommodating/ “too nice” when…
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How do I stop being too accommodating/ “too nice” when this is how I was raised and was the norm in my culture?
I’m 24 and from the Middle East, where girls are taught from a very young age to be pleasant, sweet, understanding, agreeable, all of that. It’s just the norm over there.
A few years ago, I moved to the US to attend college and now doing a PhD, and both of these universities are very competitive ones in the Northeast where the culture is just work work work. I’ve noticed recently that people, especially American women, think I’m “too nice” and don‘t have a backbone and I’m a people pleaser.
For example, my advisor in college told me I don’t have the leadership skills and the fire in me that is required to be taken seriously in high pressure environments, and she was right. I’ve noticed that I’m not taken seriously in my graduate school program, people tend to reduce me to my looks and fashion (to be fair, mostly women say these about me), and overall they don’t value my opinion as much: in a study group session, I would share my answer to a question and a girl would disregard it but once a guy gave the same answer as me, they’d agree with him. I was a bit surprised the first time this happened and called out the girl and she said oh sorry I didn‘t listen to you the first time you said it…
I do better when it comes to interacting with men. They seem to like my qualities and personality but I feel like sometimes I tend to attract people who like more of a submissive and agreeable type of woman.
I’m looking for advice on how to change this. It’s just very hard and unnatural to me to be the opposite of how I was raised but if it helps me in terms of social skills, I’d be willing to try.
Thank you in advance for any help!
#relationships
source
I’m 24 and from the Middle East, where girls are taught from a very young age to be pleasant, sweet, understanding, agreeable, all of that. It’s just the norm over there.
A few years ago, I moved to the US to attend college and now doing a PhD, and both of these universities are very competitive ones in the Northeast where the culture is just work work work. I’ve noticed recently that people, especially American women, think I’m “too nice” and don‘t have a backbone and I’m a people pleaser.
For example, my advisor in college told me I don’t have the leadership skills and the fire in me that is required to be taken seriously in high pressure environments, and she was right. I’ve noticed that I’m not taken seriously in my graduate school program, people tend to reduce me to my looks and fashion (to be fair, mostly women say these about me), and overall they don’t value my opinion as much: in a study group session, I would share my answer to a question and a girl would disregard it but once a guy gave the same answer as me, they’d agree with him. I was a bit surprised the first time this happened and called out the girl and she said oh sorry I didn‘t listen to you the first time you said it…
I do better when it comes to interacting with men. They seem to like my qualities and personality but I feel like sometimes I tend to attract people who like more of a submissive and agreeable type of woman.
I’m looking for advice on how to change this. It’s just very hard and unnatural to me to be the opposite of how I was raised but if it helps me in terms of social skills, I’d be willing to try.
Thank you in advance for any help!
#relationships
source
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