Defensive vs Difference I was just talking to one of the…
0 reactions
Defensive vs Difference
I was just talking to one of the few people I’m actually really close to. They have a problem I had come up with a few ideas to help with. I shared my ideas and, from my point of view, they responded with potential problems with my suggestions. I responded with why I didn’t think those potential problems were applicable
They said I was being defensive
I tried to explain I wasn’t and was trying to be helpful.
Note: I truthfully had no attachment to my suggestions being used or being right, but I don’t want her to disregard a solution that would work and unnecessarily continue to have a problem
They seemed to think I was either feigning helpfulness at that point or something else I didn’t understand so I apologized and reiterated I wanted to help so if it doesn’t help, just disregard
They said they feel like they respond to what I’m saying but end up feeling like they can’t say anything right and should just shut up because they make me feel bad about myself - then they circled back to me being defensive
I didn’t know where to go from here and didn’t want it to get worse so I tried to just end the conversation as smoothly and pleasantly as possible
But now, instead of helping someone I care about find a solution to their problem, I lead them into a conversation that made them walk away feeling bad, still with no clear solution. This type of thing happens to me more often than it should
I just even re-read the sequence of events and can’t see where the trouble is. I am genuinely trying to be helpful and don’t ever want to make anyone feel bad. The overall effect of my speaking is not helpful and makes others feel bad though
The best solution I see is to not care about the outcome of conversations (as in, information relayed, solutions reached, conclusions settled upon, accuracy etc.) and just go with the flow of the conversation for the sake of both of us hearing ourselves talk. But this seems like such a waste of a chance to be genuine and to potentially make real life situations better. Admitting though, currently that’s not what I’m doing either, but I hate to just quit trying
Please tell me if you see a better solution or why I was so unhelpful when I really wanted to be helpful
#relationships
source
I was just talking to one of the few people I’m actually really close to. They have a problem I had come up with a few ideas to help with. I shared my ideas and, from my point of view, they responded with potential problems with my suggestions. I responded with why I didn’t think those potential problems were applicable
They said I was being defensive
I tried to explain I wasn’t and was trying to be helpful.
Note: I truthfully had no attachment to my suggestions being used or being right, but I don’t want her to disregard a solution that would work and unnecessarily continue to have a problem
They seemed to think I was either feigning helpfulness at that point or something else I didn’t understand so I apologized and reiterated I wanted to help so if it doesn’t help, just disregard
They said they feel like they respond to what I’m saying but end up feeling like they can’t say anything right and should just shut up because they make me feel bad about myself - then they circled back to me being defensive
I didn’t know where to go from here and didn’t want it to get worse so I tried to just end the conversation as smoothly and pleasantly as possible
But now, instead of helping someone I care about find a solution to their problem, I lead them into a conversation that made them walk away feeling bad, still with no clear solution. This type of thing happens to me more often than it should
I just even re-read the sequence of events and can’t see where the trouble is. I am genuinely trying to be helpful and don’t ever want to make anyone feel bad. The overall effect of my speaking is not helpful and makes others feel bad though
The best solution I see is to not care about the outcome of conversations (as in, information relayed, solutions reached, conclusions settled upon, accuracy etc.) and just go with the flow of the conversation for the sake of both of us hearing ourselves talk. But this seems like such a waste of a chance to be genuine and to potentially make real life situations better. Admitting though, currently that’s not what I’m doing either, but I hate to just quit trying
Please tell me if you see a better solution or why I was so unhelpful when I really wanted to be helpful
#relationships
source
| 0 mlx | |
| 0 | |
| 0 |