#WorldSuicidePreventionDay @philida g/studio This is not…
41 reactions
#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
This is not an entry . I was a bit off lately i wasn't able to check in here often. Asking permission my dear Phil to share a short story that i thought fit for this theme.
" I met her on our first day of school sporting a wrapped hanky on her wrist as if it was a fashion statement..."
It was about Agnes . my first ever " Bestie " in highschool.. Jolly , pretty and a smart girl . We hanged out , partied , doing school works together , laughed at silliest things , support each others back and been crazy at times. Sisters in soul .. and i lost her through suicide..
I met her on our first day of school sporting a wrapped hanky on her wrist as if it was a fashion statement.. but later find out that she's just hiding her scars from her previous attempts.. her slashes. Didn't asked anything about it until she's comfortable enough to share her deepest thoughts and anxieties with me.
Several times i was able to prevent her from doing it ..by simply being with her..by listening ..by scolding her at times till she cried it all out and freed her mind . We graduated and celebrated our achievements ..most specially her healing..
We entered different universities but catching up often through phone calls. Until one day i received a 3 page long letter from her that she doesn't usually do. It was full of happy thoughts , her dreams for her mom and dad , her eagerness to work outside the country after finishing college , her excitement towards our occasional meet ups at the mall. Telling me to take care of myself when time comes that she live and work abroad. I was so glad ..telling myself ..yes finally ..she can handle her emotions , her anxieties better now.. She's finally free from depression..but after a few days .. i received a call from a friend..that Agnes ..was gone..
I was in a complete shock..it can't be.. i was mad at her , tormented ..blaming myself for missing the sign. She shared her happy thoughts with me through writing but not her PAIN coz she knows that i could easily tell from her voice if she was lying... I dealt with it for years.. The pain of losing her..the sudden goodbyes..
" Suicide isn't wanting to end your life but it's about quieting the pain inside...that seems endless. It's losing the fight against the mind that begs you to shut everything out..but NOT to DIE.. coz Agnes , during her struggle for death told the doctor that she wants to LIVE. "
They need HELP. Mental health is a continuos journey that we should be taken care of and be serious about. Be sensitive to other feelings though do not blame yourself if you were not able to save them .
****
I am an introvert and when life feels overwhelming ... i shutdown myself for a while. disconnect from the buzzing noise of the world to recharge. I listen to praise songs , watch motivational videos , i run , i sing , i write poems , i sketch , i cry ..i PRAY. I reach out to my closest to cry and vent out but when no one to turn to ... i repeat the process.. disconnect , run , sing , write ,draw , cry and pray until i get better and remember my promised to Agnes.. that i will get up over and over no matter what. I give myself , my mind space to wander , reflect and recharge.
So if life seems overwhelming ..i'm just a chat away ..i'm here to listen.. id rather lose a Close friend coz of something else but not from suicide again...not anymore.. I know you wont gonna do such thing but i just want you to know guys that i am here to listen. All ears. 🥰
This is not an entry . I was a bit off lately i wasn't able to check in here often. Asking permission my dear Phil to share a short story that i thought fit for this theme.
" I met her on our first day of school sporting a wrapped hanky on her wrist as if it was a fashion statement..."
It was about Agnes . my first ever " Bestie " in highschool.. Jolly , pretty and a smart girl . We hanged out , partied , doing school works together , laughed at silliest things , support each others back and been crazy at times. Sisters in soul .. and i lost her through suicide..
I met her on our first day of school sporting a wrapped hanky on her wrist as if it was a fashion statement.. but later find out that she's just hiding her scars from her previous attempts.. her slashes. Didn't asked anything about it until she's comfortable enough to share her deepest thoughts and anxieties with me.
Several times i was able to prevent her from doing it ..by simply being with her..by listening ..by scolding her at times till she cried it all out and freed her mind . We graduated and celebrated our achievements ..most specially her healing..
We entered different universities but catching up often through phone calls. Until one day i received a 3 page long letter from her that she doesn't usually do. It was full of happy thoughts , her dreams for her mom and dad , her eagerness to work outside the country after finishing college , her excitement towards our occasional meet ups at the mall. Telling me to take care of myself when time comes that she live and work abroad. I was so glad ..telling myself ..yes finally ..she can handle her emotions , her anxieties better now.. She's finally free from depression..but after a few days .. i received a call from a friend..that Agnes ..was gone..
I was in a complete shock..it can't be.. i was mad at her , tormented ..blaming myself for missing the sign. She shared her happy thoughts with me through writing but not her PAIN coz she knows that i could easily tell from her voice if she was lying... I dealt with it for years.. The pain of losing her..the sudden goodbyes..
" Suicide isn't wanting to end your life but it's about quieting the pain inside...that seems endless. It's losing the fight against the mind that begs you to shut everything out..but NOT to DIE.. coz Agnes , during her struggle for death told the doctor that she wants to LIVE. "
They need HELP. Mental health is a continuos journey that we should be taken care of and be serious about. Be sensitive to other feelings though do not blame yourself if you were not able to save them .
****
I am an introvert and when life feels overwhelming ... i shutdown myself for a while. disconnect from the buzzing noise of the world to recharge. I listen to praise songs , watch motivational videos , i run , i sing , i write poems , i sketch , i cry ..i PRAY. I reach out to my closest to cry and vent out but when no one to turn to ... i repeat the process.. disconnect , run , sing , write ,draw , cry and pray until i get better and remember my promised to Agnes.. that i will get up over and over no matter what. I give myself , my mind space to wander , reflect and recharge.
So if life seems overwhelming ..i'm just a chat away ..i'm here to listen.. id rather lose a Close friend coz of something else but not from suicide again...not anymore.. I know you wont gonna do such thing but i just want you to know guys that i am here to listen. All ears. 🥰
20
4
1
1
| 370,000 mlx | |
| 188 | |
| 41 |
comments
😭😭_ im speechless .. i know suicide isn't just to die ,its a way of ending the pain.. i know 🥺
1
I don't mean to pretend that i know everything ...but i don't force my connections to anyone ..i just sense things.. let's lift each other up .. i am here beb... just a call away 😘
1
i am introvert too sissy we have share the same interests po.. but silence means a lot to me.. either i prefer to be alone to make others safe, or to make myself safe from being hurt. Because sometimes the world has too much expectations which we as a human cannot delivered it in an instant.. aaaaahhhyawww ... maiiyak ako nyan po hehe ..lablab sissykoy..lets be happy always ... am just here..lets make our life precious..
1
I prefer to be alone too and leave if necessary just not to hurt someone... coz i know i can handle and deal with my own pain . Yes , lets make our life precious and meaningful..labyu too bebekoy.
1
This touched me deeply. 💛Thank you so much for sharing this, it's such brave and heartfelt story - and I know it will speak to many here with your blessing🎗️
1
I still cry over this my dear Phil . It's a loss that i can't seem to get over with until now though i know it's not my fault but the fangs of guilt i dealt for long years was not easy. I am aware i can't save everyone but i am sure i have ears to listen , to atleast lessen their burden somehow. Dealing with the loss of someone from it is hard but dealing with anxieties and depression alone can lead to it .
1
Grief like this doesn't just fade, it stays with us, and so does that little voice that asks "did I do enough?" I've also lost people close to me, and that question still lingers at times. Like you, I've come to realize that we can't always save someone. But being there, listening, showing love, those things matter more than you know.
Thank you for reminding us all how important it is to reach out and be present. Sending you love and light as you continue to carry Agnes in your heart🙏💛
Thank you for reminding us all how important it is to reach out and be present. Sending you love and light as you continue to carry Agnes in your heart🙏💛
1
Oh goodness my tears keep flowing ..Thank you as well. Haven't talked about it for many years ...Yes she will always be in my heart.♥️
1
Oh so sad naman beb. Sarap mabuhay kahit daming trials ang dumadating sa life. Let's enjoy and always be happy no matter what happens or what changes along the way. Napa inglit ng onti tuloy. 😂
Thanks for being our friend beb. 😍🥰
Thanks for being our friend beb. 😍🥰
1
1