How to stop holding back because admiration feels…
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How to stop holding back because admiration feels uncomfortable
This going to sound odd and maybe a bit narcissistic but hear me out.
I first noticed I had this issue when I would go out dancing. Apparently I’m a very good dancer. Every time I’m out and dancing freely (usually I’m drunk) people come up to me and tell me how good I am and I just get a lot of attention in general.
I noticed I subconsciously started to hold back on the dance floor after this happened a few times. Which is odd cause I love the validation but there was a part of me that really cringes when people tell me how good I am at something.
I also play music professionally and I hold back from really expressing myself on my instrument (by this I mean getting into the groove and moving around) because when I see someone catching the vibe from me and dancing with me I start to cringe and pull back a bunch. Also if I do really well at a show I’ll want to run off stage as soon as I’m done so no one has the chance to tell me I was great and look at me with those eyes that are so full of admiration. It makes me so uncomfortable.
When I’m home alone I feel like a pretty expressive person. I make stupid jokes, move freely, and am very much go with the flow. I stifle this part of me when I leave the house. When I’m drunk or inebriated with a group of friends and I move freely like I do on my own, I tend to attract a lot of admirers and people wil straight up say, “wow bob you’re so cool”. People have told me how much they like my style and taste for as long as I can remember and it has always made me uncomfortable.
I recently lost a very important job opportunity because I did not connect with my boss quick enough. When I first met my boss I was very at ease and she saw that part of me and really liked me. We hit it off. But I slowly started to clam up and just could not physically bring myself to be open and loose when we started working. I’m so tired to stifling myself. I know people will like me and do but I’m always so nervous. I’ve always been very shy but have gotten a lot better. I guess I’m still more shy than I realize.
Has anyone broken out of this way of thinking? Or dealt with this before? I just find it interesting that it doesn’t come from a fear of being disliked or rejection but more so the inability to sit with compliments and admiration. Or maybe it’s both.
#relationships
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This going to sound odd and maybe a bit narcissistic but hear me out.
I first noticed I had this issue when I would go out dancing. Apparently I’m a very good dancer. Every time I’m out and dancing freely (usually I’m drunk) people come up to me and tell me how good I am and I just get a lot of attention in general.
I noticed I subconsciously started to hold back on the dance floor after this happened a few times. Which is odd cause I love the validation but there was a part of me that really cringes when people tell me how good I am at something.
I also play music professionally and I hold back from really expressing myself on my instrument (by this I mean getting into the groove and moving around) because when I see someone catching the vibe from me and dancing with me I start to cringe and pull back a bunch. Also if I do really well at a show I’ll want to run off stage as soon as I’m done so no one has the chance to tell me I was great and look at me with those eyes that are so full of admiration. It makes me so uncomfortable.
When I’m home alone I feel like a pretty expressive person. I make stupid jokes, move freely, and am very much go with the flow. I stifle this part of me when I leave the house. When I’m drunk or inebriated with a group of friends and I move freely like I do on my own, I tend to attract a lot of admirers and people wil straight up say, “wow bob you’re so cool”. People have told me how much they like my style and taste for as long as I can remember and it has always made me uncomfortable.
I recently lost a very important job opportunity because I did not connect with my boss quick enough. When I first met my boss I was very at ease and she saw that part of me and really liked me. We hit it off. But I slowly started to clam up and just could not physically bring myself to be open and loose when we started working. I’m so tired to stifling myself. I know people will like me and do but I’m always so nervous. I’ve always been very shy but have gotten a lot better. I guess I’m still more shy than I realize.
Has anyone broken out of this way of thinking? Or dealt with this before? I just find it interesting that it doesn’t come from a fear of being disliked or rejection but more so the inability to sit with compliments and admiration. Or maybe it’s both.
#relationships
source
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