you're allowed to outgrow the version of yourself everyone…
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you're allowed to outgrow the version of yourself everyone got comfortable with
here's the thing nobody warns you about when you actually start changing.
people who knew the old version of you get uncomfortable. not because the new version is worse. because they built their understanding of you around specific patterns and the moment those patterns shift they have to update something in themselves too, and that update costs them effort they didn't sign up for.
so they resist it. sometimes loudly, sometimes in small ways you can only feel and not point to. they reference the old version of you like it was better. they laugh at the changes like they're temporary. they wait, patiently, for you to go back to the shape they already knew.
and the worst part is it works sometimes. you can feel the pull of it. the ease of just being who they expect you to be, because performing a familiar version of yourself costs nothing in those relationships and being a newer version costs friction and explanation and occasionally losing people who decide they preferred the old one.
ngl this is something i didn't expect. you think growth is the hard part. turns out the growth is fine. it's the way it rearranges every relationship around you that nobody prepares you for.
some people will grow with you. genuinely, they'll find the new version more interesting and it'll actually bring you closer. those ones are worth holding onto.
some people will slowly fall away and neither of you will have an honest conversation about why and you'll both know anyway.
and some people — the harder ones — will actively try to keep you small because your growing asks something of them they're not ready to give. a mirror. an example. an inconvenient question about their own life that your changing keeps placing in front of them without you meaning to.
you don't have to apologize for any of this.
you don't owe anyone the version of yourself they got used to.
last year someone told you that you'd changed like it was an accusation. and you felt the reflex to defend it. to soften it. to reassure them that you were still the person they remembered underneath all the changes.
you don't have to do that anymore.
changed is not an accusation. changed is just what happens when you actually do the work.
#inspiration
here's the thing nobody warns you about when you actually start changing.
people who knew the old version of you get uncomfortable. not because the new version is worse. because they built their understanding of you around specific patterns and the moment those patterns shift they have to update something in themselves too, and that update costs them effort they didn't sign up for.
so they resist it. sometimes loudly, sometimes in small ways you can only feel and not point to. they reference the old version of you like it was better. they laugh at the changes like they're temporary. they wait, patiently, for you to go back to the shape they already knew.
and the worst part is it works sometimes. you can feel the pull of it. the ease of just being who they expect you to be, because performing a familiar version of yourself costs nothing in those relationships and being a newer version costs friction and explanation and occasionally losing people who decide they preferred the old one.
ngl this is something i didn't expect. you think growth is the hard part. turns out the growth is fine. it's the way it rearranges every relationship around you that nobody prepares you for.
some people will grow with you. genuinely, they'll find the new version more interesting and it'll actually bring you closer. those ones are worth holding onto.
some people will slowly fall away and neither of you will have an honest conversation about why and you'll both know anyway.
and some people — the harder ones — will actively try to keep you small because your growing asks something of them they're not ready to give. a mirror. an example. an inconvenient question about their own life that your changing keeps placing in front of them without you meaning to.
you don't have to apologize for any of this.
you don't owe anyone the version of yourself they got used to.
last year someone told you that you'd changed like it was an accusation. and you felt the reflex to defend it. to soften it. to reassure them that you were still the person they remembered underneath all the changes.
you don't have to do that anymore.
changed is not an accusation. changed is just what happens when you actually do the work.
#inspiration
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