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Making friends when you have nothing to offer?
I'm 24 male and I have Asperger’s. I have no hobbies, interests, goals, or any other interesting information I can share about myself. It’s to the point where I’m crossing my fingers hoping that they don’t ask questions about me. I have always had severe social anxiety, so I’ve never expressed my personality before (if I even have one?) which essentially leads to every conversation just me being polite/supportive and asking them questions about themselves. This isn’t very fun for me, and I get the idea they are struggling to bond with someone that doesn’t share anything about themselves.
**What my conversations look like:**
Me: “How was your day?”
Them: “It was good I went to the park with a few friends!”
Me: \*Thinking about what to say for 20 seconds then getting pressured by the prolonged awkward silence to say literally anything\* “That sounds nice!”
Them: “What did you do today?”
Me: \*Did the Same thing as the past 3 years, did literally nothing. Played a video game I don’t even like and forced myself into numerous naps throughout the day so that dinner would arrive faster, and I can have my tacos\* “Not much just chilling!”
Them: “So what are your hobbies?”
Me: "I like to play video games, and watch anime."
Them: “That’s cool! Do you have any other hobbies too?”
Me: \*feel pressured to lie so I don’t seem like a complete loser\* “Oh and I like to draw and play the piano :)”
My life is also horrible right now. I’ve spent the last 3 years not doing anything but sit in my pitch-black room and watch anime/play video games alone while being severely depressed.
**Question:** Should I develop an identity or seek therapy before trying to make friends? I’ve asked this question before and most people seem to think I can do both at the same time, but I struggle to see how I’m supposed to connect with someone if there is nothing that I can offer them besides basic kindness and support that they can get from anywhere else.
I'm 24 male and I have Asperger’s. I have no hobbies, interests, goals, or any other interesting information I can share about myself. It’s to the point where I’m crossing my fingers hoping that they don’t ask questions about me. I have always had severe social anxiety, so I’ve never expressed my personality before (if I even have one?) which essentially leads to every conversation just me being polite/supportive and asking them questions about themselves. This isn’t very fun for me, and I get the idea they are struggling to bond with someone that doesn’t share anything about themselves.
**What my conversations look like:**
Me: “How was your day?”
Them: “It was good I went to the park with a few friends!”
Me: \*Thinking about what to say for 20 seconds then getting pressured by the prolonged awkward silence to say literally anything\* “That sounds nice!”
Them: “What did you do today?”
Me: \*Did the Same thing as the past 3 years, did literally nothing. Played a video game I don’t even like and forced myself into numerous naps throughout the day so that dinner would arrive faster, and I can have my tacos\* “Not much just chilling!”
Them: “So what are your hobbies?”
Me: "I like to play video games, and watch anime."
Them: “That’s cool! Do you have any other hobbies too?”
Me: \*feel pressured to lie so I don’t seem like a complete loser\* “Oh and I like to draw and play the piano :)”
My life is also horrible right now. I’ve spent the last 3 years not doing anything but sit in my pitch-black room and watch anime/play video games alone while being severely depressed.
**Question:** Should I develop an identity or seek therapy before trying to make friends? I’ve asked this question before and most people seem to think I can do both at the same time, but I struggle to see how I’m supposed to connect with someone if there is nothing that I can offer them besides basic kindness and support that they can get from anywhere else.
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