Satirical paraphrase of the Genesis creation story This is…
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Satirical paraphrase of the Genesis creation story
This is a paraphrase, but true to the original. Just the start is presented here. The whole piece can be read at https://m1religion.com/genesis-creation-story-satirical.html
God has always existed. Before he created anything, there was nothing apart from him. He sat by himself in the nothingness for an infinite number of years, before deciding to create the heavens and the earth – and man.
Chapter 1 of Genesis says that on Day 1, after making the heavens and the earth, he made light and separated it from the darkness. As he hadn’t made the sun or stars yet, presumably he used lamps of some sort.
On Day 2 he made a firmament (a heavy-duty transparent waterproof dome over the Earth) to separate the waters above the firmament from the waters below it.
On Day 3 he caused the waters below the firmament, which up to then had been drifting around in a disorderly manner, to gather into one place to make seas, leaving dry land. Being on a bit of a roll, he also vegetated the land.
On Day 4 he made the sun, the moon and the stars and hung them on the firmament. Presumably he then got rid of the light that he had created on Day 1 or it would have been just too bright.
On Day 5 he created the sea creatures and the birds. (Note the chicken came before the egg.)
On Day 6 he made the land creatures. Then he said ‘Let us (sic) make man in our image’. And so they did.
The next day was Saturday, so God sat a day and rested. Despite being infinite and all-powerful, his energy reserves had run a bit low from all that creating.
Chapter 2 of Genesis says that God made Adam (on Day 6) out of dirt before he made the plants (on Day 3). (Presumably he used some sort of time warp.) He planted a garden and put Adam in it.
#religion
This is a paraphrase, but true to the original. Just the start is presented here. The whole piece can be read at https://m1religion.com/genesis-creation-story-satirical.html
God has always existed. Before he created anything, there was nothing apart from him. He sat by himself in the nothingness for an infinite number of years, before deciding to create the heavens and the earth – and man.
Chapter 1 of Genesis says that on Day 1, after making the heavens and the earth, he made light and separated it from the darkness. As he hadn’t made the sun or stars yet, presumably he used lamps of some sort.
On Day 2 he made a firmament (a heavy-duty transparent waterproof dome over the Earth) to separate the waters above the firmament from the waters below it.
On Day 3 he caused the waters below the firmament, which up to then had been drifting around in a disorderly manner, to gather into one place to make seas, leaving dry land. Being on a bit of a roll, he also vegetated the land.
On Day 4 he made the sun, the moon and the stars and hung them on the firmament. Presumably he then got rid of the light that he had created on Day 1 or it would have been just too bright.
On Day 5 he created the sea creatures and the birds. (Note the chicken came before the egg.)
On Day 6 he made the land creatures. Then he said ‘Let us (sic) make man in our image’. And so they did.
The next day was Saturday, so God sat a day and rested. Despite being infinite and all-powerful, his energy reserves had run a bit low from all that creating.
Chapter 2 of Genesis says that God made Adam (on Day 6) out of dirt before he made the plants (on Day 3). (Presumably he used some sort of time warp.) He planted a garden and put Adam in it.
#religion
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