My brother only talks about himself. What can I do? To…
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My brother only talks about himself. What can I do?
To make a long story short my big brother has been going through a lot of change lately, has been living his own life away from the family and he’s doing well for himself. However, during the process he’s separated from the family quite a bit. Recently, I find myself trying to rebuild my relationship with him, as has the rest of my family. Some context: we are all a pretty close family and he’s kind of self isolated in the last two years or so. He has a history of being very self centered and he has a huge heart but everything is and always has been about him. He unintentionally turns every conversation into one about himself and when not about himself, some lecture about how to do things, or teaching you the right way to do something. He’s very smart and kind but not very aware or his behavior or thoughtful of others feelings (ironically).
Recently I reached out and expressed a desire to be closer and get to know each other. He’s been calling me more and it’s such a great start. However, recently and for as long as I can remember he can’t talk about anything but his life. To the point where we can have a full hour long conversation and we manage to make it to the end without him asking or knowing a single thing about me or my life. It’s getting frustrating and it’s making me feel like he doesn’t care about me. It’s hard to understand how he doesn’t consider asking about me. I started to try and insert info about me unprompted, the way he does. However, he seems to glaze over and lose attention very quickly. That or he pivots back into himself. (Note: we have always felt he has undiagnosed ADHD because he can’t stay focused on ANYTHING for even a few mins).
I am now here looking for advice on how to address this. It feels uncomfortable to say this directly because of fear of upsetting him. He’s extremely sensitive and things can easily come across as criticism or attack. I feel it worth noting that he’s not mean, aggressive or toxic, just emotional and complicated. I say this to get across that cutting him out of my life is not something I want or will do.
I’m looking for an approach that is healthy and will avoid conflict or arguing. I don’t expect it to be easy. It’s possible he’s a narcissist but I know that word gets thrown around these days and I don’t want to jump to diagnosis in order to learn how to work with him. However, he does fit the technical bill.
Any advice or other places to cross post would be very helpful. Thanks!
#relationships
source
To make a long story short my big brother has been going through a lot of change lately, has been living his own life away from the family and he’s doing well for himself. However, during the process he’s separated from the family quite a bit. Recently, I find myself trying to rebuild my relationship with him, as has the rest of my family. Some context: we are all a pretty close family and he’s kind of self isolated in the last two years or so. He has a history of being very self centered and he has a huge heart but everything is and always has been about him. He unintentionally turns every conversation into one about himself and when not about himself, some lecture about how to do things, or teaching you the right way to do something. He’s very smart and kind but not very aware or his behavior or thoughtful of others feelings (ironically).
Recently I reached out and expressed a desire to be closer and get to know each other. He’s been calling me more and it’s such a great start. However, recently and for as long as I can remember he can’t talk about anything but his life. To the point where we can have a full hour long conversation and we manage to make it to the end without him asking or knowing a single thing about me or my life. It’s getting frustrating and it’s making me feel like he doesn’t care about me. It’s hard to understand how he doesn’t consider asking about me. I started to try and insert info about me unprompted, the way he does. However, he seems to glaze over and lose attention very quickly. That or he pivots back into himself. (Note: we have always felt he has undiagnosed ADHD because he can’t stay focused on ANYTHING for even a few mins).
I am now here looking for advice on how to address this. It feels uncomfortable to say this directly because of fear of upsetting him. He’s extremely sensitive and things can easily come across as criticism or attack. I feel it worth noting that he’s not mean, aggressive or toxic, just emotional and complicated. I say this to get across that cutting him out of my life is not something I want or will do.
I’m looking for an approach that is healthy and will avoid conflict or arguing. I don’t expect it to be easy. It’s possible he’s a narcissist but I know that word gets thrown around these days and I don’t want to jump to diagnosis in order to learn how to work with him. However, he does fit the technical bill.
Any advice or other places to cross post would be very helpful. Thanks!
#relationships
source
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