Driven by Time And Now That I Lost Time, My Drive Is…
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Driven by Time And Now That I Lost Time, My Drive Is Entirely Gone
For some reason, I always associated accomplishments with age, like developmental milestones. I have no idea why, but at 16, I created a plan for what I wanted my life to look like. It consisted of milestones I needed to hit at different ages, until 28, the age in which I was supposed to have reached my ultimate goal. I was very driven and motivated, but because every step was tied to a certain time and age, the more life got in the way, the more I started to lose hope.
Over the last 7 years, my country was extremely unstable and eventually, war broke out. Amongst other things, that set my life plan all the way off. And because I could no longer accomplish what I wanted (because it was all tied to a certain age) I lost all motivation. I am now genuinely struggling to train my brain to find purpose because for the last 12 years, my mind was dead set on this plan that I have no idea why I made.
I feel stuck in a loop of thinking I am a failure, comparing myself to peers (knowing this is extremely unhealthy) and feeling the need to do so much just to catch up, but not being able to do anything because I lost hope.
I moved to a completely different continent, away from family and the stability I had, so that added to the hopelessness I am feeling. I now just want to get my mind back into a healthy and stable thinking pattern, so that I can then start to set realistic goals and manage my expectations in a healthy and balanced manner.
I hope I was able to explain what I mean clearly. My English is not bad, but it sometimes feels like my mind is a beehive and I struggle to organize and translate thoughts into coherent statements. I don't know where to start to readjust my thoughts and let go of this time-bound deadline younger me set. I am supposed to be more mature than this, but I am truly struggling to get out of this mindset and I know that it is hindering any type of progress I can hope to make.
If anyone reads this and is able to guide me in any way, I would grately appreciate it. Cheers :)
#inspiration
source
For some reason, I always associated accomplishments with age, like developmental milestones. I have no idea why, but at 16, I created a plan for what I wanted my life to look like. It consisted of milestones I needed to hit at different ages, until 28, the age in which I was supposed to have reached my ultimate goal. I was very driven and motivated, but because every step was tied to a certain time and age, the more life got in the way, the more I started to lose hope.
Over the last 7 years, my country was extremely unstable and eventually, war broke out. Amongst other things, that set my life plan all the way off. And because I could no longer accomplish what I wanted (because it was all tied to a certain age) I lost all motivation. I am now genuinely struggling to train my brain to find purpose because for the last 12 years, my mind was dead set on this plan that I have no idea why I made.
I feel stuck in a loop of thinking I am a failure, comparing myself to peers (knowing this is extremely unhealthy) and feeling the need to do so much just to catch up, but not being able to do anything because I lost hope.
I moved to a completely different continent, away from family and the stability I had, so that added to the hopelessness I am feeling. I now just want to get my mind back into a healthy and stable thinking pattern, so that I can then start to set realistic goals and manage my expectations in a healthy and balanced manner.
I hope I was able to explain what I mean clearly. My English is not bad, but it sometimes feels like my mind is a beehive and I struggle to organize and translate thoughts into coherent statements. I don't know where to start to readjust my thoughts and let go of this time-bound deadline younger me set. I am supposed to be more mature than this, but I am truly struggling to get out of this mindset and I know that it is hindering any type of progress I can hope to make.
If anyone reads this and is able to guide me in any way, I would grately appreciate it. Cheers :)
#inspiration
source
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