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Three guys die and go to heaven.
The angel at the gate tells them, “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner, your way across the bridge to Heaven will
be decided.”
The first guy says, “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated thrice.”
The angel gives him an old model pick-up.
The second guy says, “11 years and only once.”
The angel grants him a Mercedes.
The last man says, “20 years and not once, we loved each other with all our hearts.”
The angel is duly impressed, and bestows upon him a gold edition Lamborghini.
The man soon passes the other two men.
Hours later the two men catch up to him at a diner. He’s sitting alone at a table sobbing and muttering to himself.
One of the men approaches him and says, “I know we are dead but it could be much worse. Don’t be upset!”
The guy looks up and says “Don’t be upset?!, 30 minutes ago I passed my wife, and she was riding a skateboard!”
#oldbutgold
The angel at the gate tells them, “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner, your way across the bridge to Heaven will
be decided.”
The first guy says, “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated thrice.”
The angel gives him an old model pick-up.
The second guy says, “11 years and only once.”
The angel grants him a Mercedes.
The last man says, “20 years and not once, we loved each other with all our hearts.”
The angel is duly impressed, and bestows upon him a gold edition Lamborghini.
The man soon passes the other two men.
Hours later the two men catch up to him at a diner. He’s sitting alone at a table sobbing and muttering to himself.
One of the men approaches him and says, “I know we are dead but it could be much worse. Don’t be upset!”
The guy looks up and says “Don’t be upset?!, 30 minutes ago I passed my wife, and she was riding a skateboard!”
#oldbutgold
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A young deckhand sees a pirate ship approaching from the port side.
He rushes to the captain and tells him. The captain says, "I need you to go to my cabin and get my red shirt."
The deckhand is a bit confused. He asks, "Your red shirt, Sir?"
The captain replies, "Yes. If I get hit by enemy gunfire, I do not want my men to see me bleeding and give up the fight."
The deckhand rushes to the captain`s cabin and gets his red shirt. The whole time he is thinking how brave his captain is, since he is worried about the men giving up the fight if he gets hit by enemy gunfire, and not even concerned about his own life. On his way back, the deckhand notices another pirate ship approaching from the starboard side. When he gets to the captain, he gives him the red shirt and says, "Sir, I regret to inform you, there is another pirate ship approaching from our starboard side!"
The captain says, "I need you to go to my cabin and get my brown pants!"
#oldbutgold
He rushes to the captain and tells him. The captain says, "I need you to go to my cabin and get my red shirt."
The deckhand is a bit confused. He asks, "Your red shirt, Sir?"
The captain replies, "Yes. If I get hit by enemy gunfire, I do not want my men to see me bleeding and give up the fight."
The deckhand rushes to the captain`s cabin and gets his red shirt. The whole time he is thinking how brave his captain is, since he is worried about the men giving up the fight if he gets hit by enemy gunfire, and not even concerned about his own life. On his way back, the deckhand notices another pirate ship approaching from the starboard side. When he gets to the captain, he gives him the red shirt and says, "Sir, I regret to inform you, there is another pirate ship approaching from our starboard side!"
The captain says, "I need you to go to my cabin and get my brown pants!"
#oldbutgold
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Why wouldn't the English teacher have anal sex?
He couldn't stand improper use of the colon.
#wordplay
He couldn't stand improper use of the colon.
#wordplay