16 reactions
#IfThisWereIllegal
MY CRIME:
Going to the plant nursery in dark sunglasses "just for a little soil," but coming home with a wheelbarrow full of plants, monsteras strapped into the backseat, and a whole bougainvillea sticking out of the sunroof! ππΏπ
ποΈ π¨ THE CHARGES:
IN THE HIGH COURT OF GUSTATORY & BOTANICAL JUSTICE
CASE NO: #884 -PLANT-JUNGLE
STATE vs. THE ACCUSED PLANT HOARDER
BY ORDER OF THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUSTICE:
You stand officially indicted on the following counts:
π Count I: Grand Theft Flora & Aggravated Sapling Trafficking
π Count II: Felony Jungle Smuggling Across Residential Zones
π Count III: Premeditated Intent to Convert a Domestic Dwelling into an Impenetrable Rainforest Hazard
π Count IV: Violation of Room-to-Oxygen Ratio Standards under the 2026 Code of Green Sovereignty π
βοΈ THE PUNISHMENT:
For the next 90 days, every single plant in my house is equipped with a motion-sensor loudspeaker that dramatically gasps and screams out-of-key opera in high soprano every time I step near them! π±πΆ
To make matters worse, I am legally required to walk through the neighborhood wearing a full-body ghillie suit covered in live ferns while pushing a stroller with a potted hibiscus inside. Every 5 minutes, a megaphoned police siren on my backpack goes off, forcing me to freeze, salute the trees, and yell at the top of my lungs: "ATTENTION CITIZENS! DO NOT APPROACH THE PLANT HOARDER! I AM SERVING A HARD-LABOR SENTENCE FOR UNLAWFUL BOTANICAL OVERPOPULATION!" ππΏπ€ π₯π
MY CRIME:
Going to the plant nursery in dark sunglasses "just for a little soil," but coming home with a wheelbarrow full of plants, monsteras strapped into the backseat, and a whole bougainvillea sticking out of the sunroof! ππΏπ
ποΈ π¨ THE CHARGES:
IN THE HIGH COURT OF GUSTATORY & BOTANICAL JUSTICE
CASE NO: #884 -PLANT-JUNGLE
STATE vs. THE ACCUSED PLANT HOARDER
BY ORDER OF THE HONOURABLE CHIEF JUSTICE:
You stand officially indicted on the following counts:
π Count I: Grand Theft Flora & Aggravated Sapling Trafficking
π Count II: Felony Jungle Smuggling Across Residential Zones
π Count III: Premeditated Intent to Convert a Domestic Dwelling into an Impenetrable Rainforest Hazard
π Count IV: Violation of Room-to-Oxygen Ratio Standards under the 2026 Code of Green Sovereignty π
βοΈ THE PUNISHMENT:
For the next 90 days, every single plant in my house is equipped with a motion-sensor loudspeaker that dramatically gasps and screams out-of-key opera in high soprano every time I step near them! π±πΆ
To make matters worse, I am legally required to walk through the neighborhood wearing a full-body ghillie suit covered in live ferns while pushing a stroller with a potted hibiscus inside. Every 5 minutes, a megaphoned police siren on my backpack goes off, forcing me to freeze, salute the trees, and yell at the top of my lungs: "ATTENTION CITIZENS! DO NOT APPROACH THE PLANT HOARDER! I AM SERVING A HARD-LABOR SENTENCE FOR UNLAWFUL BOTANICAL OVERPOPULATION!" ππΏπ€ π₯π
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