Happy Friday @ramigouader 🤗🤗🤗 Thanks g/studio and…
18 reactions
Happy Friday
Thanks
#earn
#genderburden
#support
#solution
#familymatter
#wellbeing
⚠️ LONG POST, please bear with me🫢😉😬✌️
The change I wish to implement in my family is not related to the "gender burden" I shared recently. Rather, it is the desire to eliminate the jealousy among our children regarding who is favored and who is not.
"Fairness" doesn't always mean "equal treatment," but rather "giving each child what they specifically need.
In truth, parents do not actually have favorites among their offspring. We have three children: two daughters followed by a son. Our eldest daughter constantly mentions that she feels ignored and believes her younger siblings are our favorites.
Perhaps the root of this jealousy is that she grew up very independent. From the time she was born until she was six years old, she was left in the care of a nanny because my husband and I were both busy working and building our livelihood. In 2017, I resigned as a public school teacher under DepEd to focus solely on the three of them. That was when she started saying that her younger siblings are lucky because they are guided and assisted in their studies, while she is left to "grind" on her own.
No matter how much we explain that the reason we let her study without help is that she is highly capable—not to brag, but she truly is very smart and consistently receives Academic Excellence awards every year—she still feels slighted. In contrast, her younger sister is a "late bloomer" who truly needs guidance to keep up academically. Notably, as a toddler, the second daughter had a speech problem, whereas the eldest was already reading better than my Grade 2 students at the young age of three.
Fast forward to today: as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I personally drop them off and pick them up from school. Because we want them to excel, we implemented a reward system for their school achievements. This is where the academic gap becomes visible; the middle child often falls behind and gets no reward, while the eldest always gets a full reward without any assistance. Meanwhile, the youngest also gets a full reward, but with my personal assistance.
As a former teacher, I know that foundational skills must be incorporated during the early years so they can use them later in life. That was truly the reason I left the service—to focus on my kids. We deeply desire to eliminate sibling rivalry and jealousy because, like every parent, we want our children to get along and help one another in all things.
Our solution to this family matter involves constant and intensive heart-to-heart talks with the children and giving them equal responsibilities in household chores.
Above all, ceaseless prayer for one another.
Nothing is impossible if we surrender it to the Lord. "God-fidence" is knowing that we can’t, but He will. Remember, not a single leaf moves without His will.
Thanks
#earn
#genderburden
#support
#solution
#familymatter
#wellbeing
⚠️ LONG POST, please bear with me🫢😉😬✌️
The change I wish to implement in my family is not related to the "gender burden" I shared recently. Rather, it is the desire to eliminate the jealousy among our children regarding who is favored and who is not.
"Fairness" doesn't always mean "equal treatment," but rather "giving each child what they specifically need.
In truth, parents do not actually have favorites among their offspring. We have three children: two daughters followed by a son. Our eldest daughter constantly mentions that she feels ignored and believes her younger siblings are our favorites.
Perhaps the root of this jealousy is that she grew up very independent. From the time she was born until she was six years old, she was left in the care of a nanny because my husband and I were both busy working and building our livelihood. In 2017, I resigned as a public school teacher under DepEd to focus solely on the three of them. That was when she started saying that her younger siblings are lucky because they are guided and assisted in their studies, while she is left to "grind" on her own.
No matter how much we explain that the reason we let her study without help is that she is highly capable—not to brag, but she truly is very smart and consistently receives Academic Excellence awards every year—she still feels slighted. In contrast, her younger sister is a "late bloomer" who truly needs guidance to keep up academically. Notably, as a toddler, the second daughter had a speech problem, whereas the eldest was already reading better than my Grade 2 students at the young age of three.
Fast forward to today: as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I personally drop them off and pick them up from school. Because we want them to excel, we implemented a reward system for their school achievements. This is where the academic gap becomes visible; the middle child often falls behind and gets no reward, while the eldest always gets a full reward without any assistance. Meanwhile, the youngest also gets a full reward, but with my personal assistance.
As a former teacher, I know that foundational skills must be incorporated during the early years so they can use them later in life. That was truly the reason I left the service—to focus on my kids. We deeply desire to eliminate sibling rivalry and jealousy because, like every parent, we want our children to get along and help one another in all things.
Our solution to this family matter involves constant and intensive heart-to-heart talks with the children and giving them equal responsibilities in household chores.
Above all, ceaseless prayer for one another.
Nothing is impossible if we surrender it to the Lord. "God-fidence" is knowing that we can’t, but He will. Remember, not a single leaf moves without His will.
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comments
🥰🫠
simply i love what you said as it's 100% real and i smell honesty. so ...
to comfort you a little, jealousy among kids is common. i've seen it in my big family as i have a lot of nieces and nephews , and also in almost every family with 2 or more kids, especially with small age difference.
kids all the time compare themselves and what they get with others , all the kids ... it's annoying to see your kid "suffering" from jealousy for sure ... but there's few steps to fix it.
no doubt you are doing great job following their performance .
i know in Philippines the woman is the boss in the family and responsible of almost everything (correct me if am wrong) ...the father should help too.
away from duties at home, small rewarded activities can improve the bound between them. take the elder outside with you and make sure she get some good time and help you in store or whatever thing ... she is clever ... when she feel close to you enough (compensation for the lack of the first 6 years of her childhood) she will start to understand she was wrong gradually.
😤 again i wrote a book here ... i stop.
and you are right, nothing moves without the will of Allah / God , that's your anchor in life, your good faith in the creator.
simply i love what you said as it's 100% real and i smell honesty. so ...
to comfort you a little, jealousy among kids is common. i've seen it in my big family as i have a lot of nieces and nephews , and also in almost every family with 2 or more kids, especially with small age difference.
kids all the time compare themselves and what they get with others , all the kids ... it's annoying to see your kid "suffering" from jealousy for sure ... but there's few steps to fix it.
no doubt you are doing great job following their performance .
i know in Philippines the woman is the boss in the family and responsible of almost everything (correct me if am wrong) ...the father should help too.
away from duties at home, small rewarded activities can improve the bound between them. take the elder outside with you and make sure she get some good time and help you in store or whatever thing ... she is clever ... when she feel close to you enough (compensation for the lack of the first 6 years of her childhood) she will start to understand she was wrong gradually.
😤 again i wrote a book here ... i stop.
and you are right, nothing moves without the will of Allah / God , that's your anchor in life, your good faith in the creator.
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❤️❤️❤️❤️I really appreciate your kind words and the warmth behind them. It’s a relief to hear from someone who has seen this play out in a large family—it makes the "chaos" feel a lot more normal and manageable!
You hit the nail on the head regarding the culture here. In the Philippines, the woman is often seen as the Ilaw ng Tahanan (the Light of the Home), while the father is the Haligi (the Pillar). While mothers often manage the heart of the household and the day-to-day discipline, you're right that it’s a shared journey. Having that support makes all the difference.
The "First 6 Years" Factor: You’re so insightful to point that out. That gap in time is something we are constantly working to bridge. She isn't just catching up on school; she’s catching up on "mom time."
Roles: I love the idea of taking her on errands alone. Making her feel like my "right hand" or a "partner" in tasks gives her a sense of importance that isn't tied to competing with her sister. It builds her confidence through responsibility.
Keeping faith as the center of everything really does provide that peace when things get loud or stressful. It reminds me to be patient, even when I'm exhausted.
Please, don't apologize for "writing a book"! 😂✌️Your perspective as someone who watches a big family interact is incredibly valuable. It’s like having a seasoned coach in my corner☺️
Bahut bahut Shukriya 🙏 🌻 🌻 ✨
You hit the nail on the head regarding the culture here. In the Philippines, the woman is often seen as the Ilaw ng Tahanan (the Light of the Home), while the father is the Haligi (the Pillar). While mothers often manage the heart of the household and the day-to-day discipline, you're right that it’s a shared journey. Having that support makes all the difference.
The "First 6 Years" Factor: You’re so insightful to point that out. That gap in time is something we are constantly working to bridge. She isn't just catching up on school; she’s catching up on "mom time."
Roles: I love the idea of taking her on errands alone. Making her feel like my "right hand" or a "partner" in tasks gives her a sense of importance that isn't tied to competing with her sister. It builds her confidence through responsibility.
Keeping faith as the center of everything really does provide that peace when things get loud or stressful. It reminds me to be patient, even when I'm exhausted.
Please, don't apologize for "writing a book"! 😂✌️Your perspective as someone who watches a big family interact is incredibly valuable. It’s like having a seasoned coach in my corner☺️
Bahut bahut Shukriya 🙏 🌻 🌻 ✨
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thank you 🤭 am proud i made you feel a little better .
youknow.. shitty life gives good results with bad experiences hahaha
am "lucky" i lived the way i lived , it made me who i am today.
don't hesitate if you want some ideas or any push 😁 .. i would love to stand by your side if you want to.
make sure your husband won't send me message " stay away from my wife" hahaha
thank you again 🥰
youknow.. shitty life gives good results with bad experiences hahaha
am "lucky" i lived the way i lived , it made me who i am today.
don't hesitate if you want some ideas or any push 😁 .. i would love to stand by your side if you want to.
make sure your husband won't send me message " stay away from my wife" hahaha
thank you again 🥰
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I really appreciate the offer of support! It’s refreshing to have a "human-in-the-loop" who’s willing to share some real-world grit and ideas. I’ll definitely keep that in mind when I need a creative spark or a "push" that only someone with your life experience can provide.
But 😂😂😂🤣😜✌️
But 😂😂😂🤣😜✌️
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