18 reactions
Happy Friday
Thanks
#earn
#genderburden
#support
#solution
#familymatter
#wellbeing
⚠️ LONG POST, please bear with me🫢😉😬✌️
The change I wish to implement in my family is not related to the "gender burden" I shared recently. Rather, it is the desire to eliminate the jealousy among our children regarding who is favored and who is not.
"Fairness" doesn't always mean "equal treatment," but rather "giving each child what they specifically need.
In truth, parents do not actually have favorites among their offspring. We have three children: two daughters followed by a son. Our eldest daughter constantly mentions that she feels ignored and believes her younger siblings are our favorites.
Perhaps the root of this jealousy is that she grew up very independent. From the time she was born until she was six years old, she was left in the care of a nanny because my husband and I were both busy working and building our livelihood. In 2017, I resigned as a public school teacher under DepEd to focus solely on the three of them. That was when she started saying that her younger siblings are lucky because they are guided and assisted in their studies, while she is left to "grind" on her own.
No matter how much we explain that the reason we let her study without help is that she is highly capable—not to brag, but she truly is very smart and consistently receives Academic Excellence awards every year—she still feels slighted. In contrast, her younger sister is a "late bloomer" who truly needs guidance to keep up academically. Notably, as a toddler, the second daughter had a speech problem, whereas the eldest was already reading better than my Grade 2 students at the young age of three.
Fast forward to today: as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I personally drop them off and pick them up from school. Because we want them to excel, we implemented a reward system for their school achievements. This is where the academic gap becomes visible; the middle child often falls behind and gets no reward, while the eldest always gets a full reward without any assistance. Meanwhile, the youngest also gets a full reward, but with my personal assistance.
As a former teacher, I know that foundational skills must be incorporated during the early years so they can use them later in life. That was truly the reason I left the service—to focus on my kids. We deeply desire to eliminate sibling rivalry and jealousy because, like every parent, we want our children to get along and help one another in all things.
Our solution to this family matter involves constant and intensive heart-to-heart talks with the children and giving them equal responsibilities in household chores.
Above all, ceaseless prayer for one another.
Nothing is impossible if we surrender it to the Lord. "God-fidence" is knowing that we can’t, but He will. Remember, not a single leaf moves without His will.
Thanks
#earn
#genderburden
#support
#solution
#familymatter
#wellbeing
⚠️ LONG POST, please bear with me🫢😉😬✌️
The change I wish to implement in my family is not related to the "gender burden" I shared recently. Rather, it is the desire to eliminate the jealousy among our children regarding who is favored and who is not.
"Fairness" doesn't always mean "equal treatment," but rather "giving each child what they specifically need.
In truth, parents do not actually have favorites among their offspring. We have three children: two daughters followed by a son. Our eldest daughter constantly mentions that she feels ignored and believes her younger siblings are our favorites.
Perhaps the root of this jealousy is that she grew up very independent. From the time she was born until she was six years old, she was left in the care of a nanny because my husband and I were both busy working and building our livelihood. In 2017, I resigned as a public school teacher under DepEd to focus solely on the three of them. That was when she started saying that her younger siblings are lucky because they are guided and assisted in their studies, while she is left to "grind" on her own.
No matter how much we explain that the reason we let her study without help is that she is highly capable—not to brag, but she truly is very smart and consistently receives Academic Excellence awards every year—she still feels slighted. In contrast, her younger sister is a "late bloomer" who truly needs guidance to keep up academically. Notably, as a toddler, the second daughter had a speech problem, whereas the eldest was already reading better than my Grade 2 students at the young age of three.
Fast forward to today: as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I personally drop them off and pick them up from school. Because we want them to excel, we implemented a reward system for their school achievements. This is where the academic gap becomes visible; the middle child often falls behind and gets no reward, while the eldest always gets a full reward without any assistance. Meanwhile, the youngest also gets a full reward, but with my personal assistance.
As a former teacher, I know that foundational skills must be incorporated during the early years so they can use them later in life. That was truly the reason I left the service—to focus on my kids. We deeply desire to eliminate sibling rivalry and jealousy because, like every parent, we want our children to get along and help one another in all things.
Our solution to this family matter involves constant and intensive heart-to-heart talks with the children and giving them equal responsibilities in household chores.
Above all, ceaseless prayer for one another.
Nothing is impossible if we surrender it to the Lord. "God-fidence" is knowing that we can’t, but He will. Remember, not a single leaf moves without His will.
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14 reactions
QUESTION: What would you like to change in your environment or family relationships/structure to release your burden or even abolish it ?
How you want it to be, for the best harmony... for you and of course for others around you ?
ANSWER:
I really took my time reflecting on what to share as my entry, and here is what I’ve decided:
I grew up in a family with a disciplinarian and somewhat conservative father. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that, except for the moments when I felt his discipline was too much. Almost my whole life, I followed my parents because I didn’t want to be a failure in their eyes. Even as a child, I believed, “If I fail my parents, I also fail as a sibling.” Now that I’m grown, I’ve naturally become the disciplinarian in the family too.
Given our family dynamics, I feel responsible for disciplining my younger siblings. I used to do this consistently, but I stopped because many criticized my approach, saying it was “not good” or “not the right way.” Yet, deep down, I know my siblings listened because they wanted to avoid consequences—they respected that I stood by what I said and did. My discipline was shaped by what I believed suited the situation, drawing from how my father disciplined me.
Over time, I hold grudges and unspoken resentment because I know when I open my mouth, I might offend others, even if I am telling the truth. This silence weighs on me and adds to the burden I carry.
I feel pressured to be patient and forgiving at all times, even when that tolerance causes me emotional pain or resentment. This expectation to constantly tolerate and forgive conflicts with my own feelings and sometimes makes me feel invalidated.
Nowadays, I care less about others’ opinions, as long as I’m not disturbed by the results of their mistakes. But often, the family motto "family is family, you must help each other no matter what" feels like a burden. From my perspective, if you’re a good family member, you wouldn’t treat others unfairly or create unnecessary pain. This conflicts with the expectation that I always tolerate everything from others.
Over the years, I’ve noticed my parents became more lenient with my siblings, while I seemed to be the only one disciplined strictly. Many nights, I would cry silently alone, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated for my sacrifices and struggles to be who I am today. At the same time, I try to understand that no one truly knows everything I’ve endured. Still, I often feel invalidated.
What I want to change
I wish for our family to cultivate empathy and mutual respect, where discipline is balanced with understanding. I hope they trust me to guide my siblings, allowing them to witness the positive results firsthand. Letting me handle it my way could ease the stress caused by conflicts among us. I want us to recognize everyone’s struggles without constant judgment or assumptions. Communication should be open and supportive—not just about authority or rules. If we can create an environment where each person’s efforts and feelings are genuinely valued, the burden I carry will lighten, bringing harmony that benefits us all.
Ultimately, I hope for a family dynamic where love means supporting growth rather than merely enforcing discipline, and where empathy replaces expectation, so that each of us can thrive in understanding instead of fear or resentment.
-----
Btw, I don’t have an entry to the #GenderBurden activity but I want to participate in this one. What about you
#earn #activity #familymatter #wellbeing
#genderburden #support #solution
How you want it to be, for the best harmony... for you and of course for others around you ?
ANSWER:
I really took my time reflecting on what to share as my entry, and here is what I’ve decided:
I grew up in a family with a disciplinarian and somewhat conservative father. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that, except for the moments when I felt his discipline was too much. Almost my whole life, I followed my parents because I didn’t want to be a failure in their eyes. Even as a child, I believed, “If I fail my parents, I also fail as a sibling.” Now that I’m grown, I’ve naturally become the disciplinarian in the family too.
Given our family dynamics, I feel responsible for disciplining my younger siblings. I used to do this consistently, but I stopped because many criticized my approach, saying it was “not good” or “not the right way.” Yet, deep down, I know my siblings listened because they wanted to avoid consequences—they respected that I stood by what I said and did. My discipline was shaped by what I believed suited the situation, drawing from how my father disciplined me.
Over time, I hold grudges and unspoken resentment because I know when I open my mouth, I might offend others, even if I am telling the truth. This silence weighs on me and adds to the burden I carry.
I feel pressured to be patient and forgiving at all times, even when that tolerance causes me emotional pain or resentment. This expectation to constantly tolerate and forgive conflicts with my own feelings and sometimes makes me feel invalidated.
Nowadays, I care less about others’ opinions, as long as I’m not disturbed by the results of their mistakes. But often, the family motto "family is family, you must help each other no matter what" feels like a burden. From my perspective, if you’re a good family member, you wouldn’t treat others unfairly or create unnecessary pain. This conflicts with the expectation that I always tolerate everything from others.
Over the years, I’ve noticed my parents became more lenient with my siblings, while I seemed to be the only one disciplined strictly. Many nights, I would cry silently alone, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated for my sacrifices and struggles to be who I am today. At the same time, I try to understand that no one truly knows everything I’ve endured. Still, I often feel invalidated.
What I want to change
I wish for our family to cultivate empathy and mutual respect, where discipline is balanced with understanding. I hope they trust me to guide my siblings, allowing them to witness the positive results firsthand. Letting me handle it my way could ease the stress caused by conflicts among us. I want us to recognize everyone’s struggles without constant judgment or assumptions. Communication should be open and supportive—not just about authority or rules. If we can create an environment where each person’s efforts and feelings are genuinely valued, the burden I carry will lighten, bringing harmony that benefits us all.
Ultimately, I hope for a family dynamic where love means supporting growth rather than merely enforcing discipline, and where empathy replaces expectation, so that each of us can thrive in understanding instead of fear or resentment.
-----
Btw, I don’t have an entry to the #GenderBurden activity but I want to participate in this one. What about you
#earn #activity #familymatter #wellbeing
#genderburden #support #solution
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3 reactions
#earn Activity by
#genderburden
#support #solution
#familymatter #wellbeing
If change were in my hands, I would start at home.
A place where speaking feels safe and silence isn’t forced.
We often stay quiet to keep peace, but unspoken feelings become a heavy burden.
I wish for a home where emotions are understood,
where being tired needs no explanation,
and where respect is shown naturally.
When understanding leads communication,
peace becomes something everyone shares — not something one person carries.
#genderburden
#support #solution
#familymatter #wellbeing
If change were in my hands, I would start at home.
A place where speaking feels safe and silence isn’t forced.
We often stay quiet to keep peace, but unspoken feelings become a heavy burden.
I wish for a home where emotions are understood,
where being tired needs no explanation,
and where respect is shown naturally.
When understanding leads communication,
peace becomes something everyone shares — not something one person carries.
1
1