QUESTION: What would you like to change in your…
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QUESTION: What would you like to change in your environment or family relationships/structure to release your burden or even abolish it ?
How you want it to be, for the best harmony... for you and of course for others around you ?
ANSWER:
I really took my time reflecting on what to share as my entry, and here is what I’ve decided:
I grew up in a family with a disciplinarian and somewhat conservative father. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that, except for the moments when I felt his discipline was too much. Almost my whole life, I followed my parents because I didn’t want to be a failure in their eyes. Even as a child, I believed, “If I fail my parents, I also fail as a sibling.” Now that I’m grown, I’ve naturally become the disciplinarian in the family too.
Given our family dynamics, I feel responsible for disciplining my younger siblings. I used to do this consistently, but I stopped because many criticized my approach, saying it was “not good” or “not the right way.” Yet, deep down, I know my siblings listened because they wanted to avoid consequences—they respected that I stood by what I said and did. My discipline was shaped by what I believed suited the situation, drawing from how my father disciplined me.
Over time, I hold grudges and unspoken resentment because I know when I open my mouth, I might offend others, even if I am telling the truth. This silence weighs on me and adds to the burden I carry.
I feel pressured to be patient and forgiving at all times, even when that tolerance causes me emotional pain or resentment. This expectation to constantly tolerate and forgive conflicts with my own feelings and sometimes makes me feel invalidated.
Nowadays, I care less about others’ opinions, as long as I’m not disturbed by the results of their mistakes. But often, the family motto "family is family, you must help each other no matter what" feels like a burden. From my perspective, if you’re a good family member, you wouldn’t treat others unfairly or create unnecessary pain. This conflicts with the expectation that I always tolerate everything from others.
Over the years, I’ve noticed my parents became more lenient with my siblings, while I seemed to be the only one disciplined strictly. Many nights, I would cry silently alone, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated for my sacrifices and struggles to be who I am today. At the same time, I try to understand that no one truly knows everything I’ve endured. Still, I often feel invalidated.
What I want to change
I wish for our family to cultivate empathy and mutual respect, where discipline is balanced with understanding. I hope they trust me to guide my siblings, allowing them to witness the positive results firsthand. Letting me handle it my way could ease the stress caused by conflicts among us. I want us to recognize everyone’s struggles without constant judgment or assumptions. Communication should be open and supportive—not just about authority or rules. If we can create an environment where each person’s efforts and feelings are genuinely valued, the burden I carry will lighten, bringing harmony that benefits us all.
Ultimately, I hope for a family dynamic where love means supporting growth rather than merely enforcing discipline, and where empathy replaces expectation, so that each of us can thrive in understanding instead of fear or resentment.
-----
Btw, I don’t have an entry to the #GenderBurden activity but I want to participate in this one. What about you
#earn #activity #familymatter #wellbeing
#genderburden #support #solution
How you want it to be, for the best harmony... for you and of course for others around you ?
ANSWER:
I really took my time reflecting on what to share as my entry, and here is what I’ve decided:
I grew up in a family with a disciplinarian and somewhat conservative father. Over time, I’ve come to appreciate that, except for the moments when I felt his discipline was too much. Almost my whole life, I followed my parents because I didn’t want to be a failure in their eyes. Even as a child, I believed, “If I fail my parents, I also fail as a sibling.” Now that I’m grown, I’ve naturally become the disciplinarian in the family too.
Given our family dynamics, I feel responsible for disciplining my younger siblings. I used to do this consistently, but I stopped because many criticized my approach, saying it was “not good” or “not the right way.” Yet, deep down, I know my siblings listened because they wanted to avoid consequences—they respected that I stood by what I said and did. My discipline was shaped by what I believed suited the situation, drawing from how my father disciplined me.
Over time, I hold grudges and unspoken resentment because I know when I open my mouth, I might offend others, even if I am telling the truth. This silence weighs on me and adds to the burden I carry.
I feel pressured to be patient and forgiving at all times, even when that tolerance causes me emotional pain or resentment. This expectation to constantly tolerate and forgive conflicts with my own feelings and sometimes makes me feel invalidated.
Nowadays, I care less about others’ opinions, as long as I’m not disturbed by the results of their mistakes. But often, the family motto "family is family, you must help each other no matter what" feels like a burden. From my perspective, if you’re a good family member, you wouldn’t treat others unfairly or create unnecessary pain. This conflicts with the expectation that I always tolerate everything from others.
Over the years, I’ve noticed my parents became more lenient with my siblings, while I seemed to be the only one disciplined strictly. Many nights, I would cry silently alone, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated for my sacrifices and struggles to be who I am today. At the same time, I try to understand that no one truly knows everything I’ve endured. Still, I often feel invalidated.
What I want to change
I wish for our family to cultivate empathy and mutual respect, where discipline is balanced with understanding. I hope they trust me to guide my siblings, allowing them to witness the positive results firsthand. Letting me handle it my way could ease the stress caused by conflicts among us. I want us to recognize everyone’s struggles without constant judgment or assumptions. Communication should be open and supportive—not just about authority or rules. If we can create an environment where each person’s efforts and feelings are genuinely valued, the burden I carry will lighten, bringing harmony that benefits us all.
Ultimately, I hope for a family dynamic where love means supporting growth rather than merely enforcing discipline, and where empathy replaces expectation, so that each of us can thrive in understanding instead of fear or resentment.
-----
Btw, I don’t have an entry to the #GenderBurden activity but I want to participate in this one. What about you
#earn #activity #familymatter #wellbeing
#genderburden #support #solution
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comments
🤝you got my full attention here .. i read it and i feel every word.
discipline is great and heavy "legacy" ... not easy to get and not easy to teach.
it comes in both situations, with really hard times, may lead to losing control or become dictator .
it's all about teaching others to have rules in their own life, straight behavior ... to think about their actions and consequences , to think about how it can affect people around them in positive/negative way.
my father was a school principle and teacher for +35 years and he was involved in politics in the 70-90's and am the yougest one in family . without making me talk of details ... i know what you are talking about.
about siblings, same for nieces and nephews ( am uncle of 12) .... if you can't get into their friendship circle, better not push any of them... be their friend , sometimes be silly with them and share time doing stupid wrong things , it works when you want to pull them back to right direction.
if you feel rejection or got pblm like " you are not my dad" - "who are you to tell me .." - drama reactions ... step back. dont be sticky.
.... i'll stop here . you made me talk a lot 😤
discipline is great and heavy "legacy" ... not easy to get and not easy to teach.
it comes in both situations, with really hard times, may lead to losing control or become dictator .
it's all about teaching others to have rules in their own life, straight behavior ... to think about their actions and consequences , to think about how it can affect people around them in positive/negative way.
my father was a school principle and teacher for +35 years and he was involved in politics in the 70-90's and am the yougest one in family . without making me talk of details ... i know what you are talking about.
about siblings, same for nieces and nephews ( am uncle of 12) .... if you can't get into their friendship circle, better not push any of them... be their friend , sometimes be silly with them and share time doing stupid wrong things , it works when you want to pull them back to right direction.
if you feel rejection or got pblm like " you are not my dad" - "who are you to tell me .." - drama reactions ... step back. dont be sticky.
.... i'll stop here . you made me talk a lot 😤
Thank you for the kind mention and for sharing such a heartfelt reflection! 💛
It’s clear how much responsibility and emotional weight you’ve carried, growing up under a strict father and taking on the role of disciplinarian yourself. The way you balance guiding your siblings with your own feelings of frustration and being misunderstood shows remarkable self-awareness.
Your vision for a family filled with empathy, mutual respect, and open communication is inspiring. Wanting love to support growth rather than enforce rules highlights your wisdom and compassion. By expressing these hopes, you’re not only honoring your journey but also paving the way for a more understanding and harmonious family. 🌸
It’s clear how much responsibility and emotional weight you’ve carried, growing up under a strict father and taking on the role of disciplinarian yourself. The way you balance guiding your siblings with your own feelings of frustration and being misunderstood shows remarkable self-awareness.
Your vision for a family filled with empathy, mutual respect, and open communication is inspiring. Wanting love to support growth rather than enforce rules highlights your wisdom and compassion. By expressing these hopes, you’re not only honoring your journey but also paving the way for a more understanding and harmonious family. 🌸
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